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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726943">Slipping Through My Fingers</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore'>NalgeneWhore</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Mechanics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, F/M, and a lil smidgen of angst, and love!, there is BEBES, they are pining idiots but THAT'S ok</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:00:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,881</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All they wanted was a meaningless night. A first names only, waking up alone kind of night. It’s still meaningless when your one night stand is also your kid’s kindergarten teacher, right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Ansel of Briarcliff/Rolfe/Ilias, Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre, Fenrys/Nehemia Ytger, Lysandra/Nesryn Faliq</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>314</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>291</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The boys had already gotten a table and had ordered a round of drinks by the time Lorcan walked into the bar they always went to. Owned and operated by his boss’ husband, Emrys’ was nice and homey with good food and good drinks – definitely not the trendy, modern place-to-be kind of establishment. That’s why they liked it so much. </p>
<p>Fenrys exclaimed in mock shock, pretending to fall off his stool and stumble towards Lorcan, “As I live and breathe! Is that… Lorcan Salvaterre? Oh, my stars, do my eyes deceive me?” They hugged as Lorcan rolled his eyes and Vaughan pulled up a stool for him.</p>
<p>Everyone else said their hellos and a pretty waitress set down a drink in front of Lorcan.</p>
<p>“So,” Rowan began, his hands clasped on the tabletop, “Ko’s starting school, huh?”</p>
<p>Lorcan sipped from his drink, feeling the slight sting that accompanied the liquid. “Yup. Baby boy’s growing up.” His throat tightened for a moment. It felt like just yesterday he’d picked up his high school sweetheart and swung her around their shitty little apartment when she’d shown him the positive test. They’d been young, summer after university graduation, but they’d made it work. They loved each other.</p>
<p>It made him winded, almost, when he remembered Essar had been gone for almost four years and Kohana had turned five months ago. “But we’re not here to talk about that.”</p>
<p>He looked hard to Rowan, Fenrys, Connall, and Vaughan, who all wisely dropped it and turned to happier subjects.</p>
<p>When Rowan started going on about <em>Aelin</em>, the girl he’d been seeing for the past few weeks, Lorcan ordered them all more to drink and zoned out, hardly hearing a word his brother said.</p>
<p>Eventually, Fenrys had had enough and gagged, as response to what Lorcan didn’t know, interrupting Lorcan’s glazed stare into nothing to drag him to the bar.</p>
<p>Lorcan leaned against the bar, signaling to Luca, Emrys’ son and bartender, just as a smoky voice called out from beside him.</p>
<p>The bartender went to the owner of the voice, not that Lorcan blamed him. She was easily one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen. The woman turned her gaze on him, propping her chin up on her fist as her plump lips pulled into a sultry grin, “You are very tall.”</p>
<p>“And you are very small,” he answered dryly, leaning his elbow against the scar-flecked wood to lower himself to her level.</p>
<p>“That I am.”</p>
<p>“A whiskey on the rocks for the lady,” Luca proclaimed, putting the glass down on a cardboard coaster, the ice inside the amber drink causing drops of condensation to bead on the outside of the glass. “And for Lorcan…?”</p>
<p>“I’ll have what she’s having.” Luca nodded, a cheeky look that Lorcan didn’t like in his warm eyes as he went away. “I’m Lorcan.” He held out his hand and she shook it, his rough hand dwarfing hers.</p>
<p>“Elide.”</p>
<p>He repeated her name, liking the way it rolled off of his tongue. “Elide. I like that name.”</p>
<p>Elide smiled, her eyes crinkling, “Thank you. I got it for my birthday.”</p>
<p>He laughed, shaking his head, “That is one of the worst jokes I’ve ever heard.” She laughed as well, the way her head tipped back making her long long hair tumble off of her shoulder and down to the small of her back.</p>
<p>“You laughed though,” she said, sliding onto a barstool as Lorcan did the same. Elide drank a sip of her whiskey, a little smile still tugging at her lips as Luca set Lorcan’s drink down in front of him and wiggled his brows subtly.</p>
<p>“What’s a girl like yourself doing in a dive bar like this?”</p>
<p>“What, you don’t think I’m a regular?”</p>
<p>Lorcan raked his gaze up and down her figure, drinking in her curves wrapped in a dark green minidress, the colour complementing her fair complexion. Her pale skin was marked with old school style, traditional tattoos, all linking together. “Dressed like that? Nah, not really.”</p>
<p>Elide laughed again, putting her half-empty drink down. “You caught me. I was at that new club, the Staghorn?” Her pert nose wrinkled and she shook her head, “Not my kind of fun, so I ditched and walked my ass on over in these ridiculous shoes.” She gave a pointed glare down to her strappy stilettos. “Yours look way more comfortable.”</p>
<p>Lorcan glanced down at his high-top Chucks that had once been white and clean, but after years of wear and tear, they were now a permanent off-white and grey shade. “They 100% are.”</p>
<p>“Well anyway, what’s a boy like you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Oh, now I don’t fit in here?”</p>
<p>Elide shook her head, her lavender-painted acrylics clicking against the counter as she drummed her fingers. “Mm-mm. No, I see you in, like, some grungy club, definitely play bass… backup vocals for a punk band.”</p>
<p>“Ah-ah, wrong.” He paused, drinking from his whiskey. “I played drums, thank you very much.”</p>
<p>As the night wore on, Lorcan found himself delighting in the easy banter they had. Elide had a sharp tongue and effortlessly volleyed with him.</p>
<p>After three or maybe four drinks, Elide leaned in, whispering in his ear, “Want to get out of here?”</p>
<p>He looked down at her, his eyes catching on her full lips. Grinning wickedly, he nodded and threw a few bills on the counter as she took his hand and weaved through the ever-growing crowd.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The night air was cooling and a brisk breeze flowed through the alley. Neither of them noticed it, far too wrapped up in their own lust as Lorcan backed her up against the wall and covered her body with his, slotting a thigh between her legs. </p>
<p>Elide made a keening sound in the back of her throat and rolled her hips down on the muscled leg, biting her lip as she felt arousal pool between her legs. Lorcan’s hand came to cup the side of her neck, his thumb stroking over her jaw as he tilted her head back and slanted his mouth over hers before kissing her deeply. </p>
<p>As they kissed, her hips ground against the denim of his black jeans and she gasped as she felt a rough hand slide up the smooth backside of her thigh. His fingers merely grazed the round flesh of her ass before he was cupping the back of her thigh, his fingertips digging into her skin mere centimetres from where she desperately needed him. </p>
<p>“Lorcan- ah, I need,” she moaned out, his tongue licking against hers in a way that had her mind wiped blank. </p>
<p>He chuckled roughly, repeating the motion again as her hips stuttered. “Use your words, Elide.” </p>
<p>Snarling and baring her teeth at him in a way that had his eyes darkening, Elide took his hand off her jaw and dragged it down to her breast, urging him to cup it as she took his other hand and pulled it up beneath her dress, to her soaked panties. “<em>That</em> is what I need.” Lorcan groaned and dipped his fingers beneath the lace thong, stroking through the dripping flesh. </p>
<p>Elide let out a shaky breath, leaning her head back against the wall as he pushed two fingers into her, curling and pumping them. She lifted her hands to the thin straps of her dress and drew them down her arms, tugging her top down until her bare chest was exposed. Lorcan grinned in approval and squeezed his hand, his thumb flicking over her nipple as he dipped his head to the neglected peak and took it in between his lips. </p>
<p>Crying out, Elide pushed her hand into his hair, keeping him in place as he continued to work her, his other thumb slowly circling around her clit in tandem with the now three fingers he had inside her. </p>
<p>She breathed heavily, her eyes fluttering shut as her climax grew close and closer. His knuckle grazed the underside of her breast and Elide moaned, tugging on his hair. “I’m gonna-” she whimpered, her body slick with sweat, “I’m gonna come.” </p>
<p>“Yeah?” Lorcan asked, trailing his tongue over the delicate line of laurel leaves tattooed over her collarbones.  </p>
<p>She whined low and it was only a few more skillful strokes of his fingers and tongue before her orgasm took over and Elide came with her tit in his mouth and his fingers inside of her. </p>
<p>Elide sighed happily, her limbs feeling loose and relaxed as Lorcan hoisted her up against the brick wall.</p>
<p>The brick of the bar was cold and rough against her spine but Elide hardly paid it any mind as Lorcan spread her inked legs and settled between them, keeping her pressed up against the building with his hips.</p>
<p>She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him hard, nothing nice about the embrace that was all teeth and tongue and biting. His hair was silky smooth between her fingers as she slid her hands up from the nape of his neck.</p>
<p>The alleyway behind Emrys’ was secluded enough, not that they particularly cared as Lorcan’s hand slid up her leg and beneath her dress again.</p>
<p>Elide moaned as his fingertips brushed against her burning core and her hips rolled for more instinctively. He chuckled darkly, pulling his lips from hers to trail them down her jaw and throat, his sharp teeth dragging over her soft skin.</p>
<p>“You’re being,” she panted, whining in the back of her throat when all he did was lightly stroke her, missing where she needed him the most, “a fucking tease. Just fuck me.”</p>
<p>Elide removed her hands from his hair, reaching between them and expertly unbuckling his belt. She grinned triumphantly when, as she popped the buttons of his button-fly and loosely wrapped her hand around his length, he groaned into the skin of her neck. Shit, he was big.</p>
<p>A rush of pleasure rippled through his abdomen and he pushed his hips into her hand.</p>
<p>“Condom?” she asked and he nodded, holding her up with one arm as he reached into his back pocket and fished out a gold foil square in his wallet, tossing it to her.</p>
<p>Hearts beating fast, their eyes met and locked as Lorcan slowly pulled her thong down, tossing the scrap of lace to the ground. She tugged his face to hers, kissing him deeply as she used the heels of her feet to push down his jeans just enough so that she could roll the glove on and guide him to her entrance.</p>
<p>Her back arched as Lorcan pushed in, her legs squeezing around his waist as he bottomed out. “You good?” he asked, eyes searching her face. She was so fucking <em>tight</em>. </p>
<p>Elide made a breathy noise, nodding, “Yeah, I’m good. Move.”</p>
<p>He pressed his face into her neck, biting the junction between her neck and shoulder at the command. Slowly, Lorcan pulled out and filled her again, groaning at the tightness of her. “Fucking hell. Feel so good.”</p>
<p>“Gods,” she moaned, her sharp nails digging into his shoulders. Lorcan felt like in the morning, he’d be able to see eight red marks, even with his t-shirt between his skin and her. “So big, fuck.” </p>
<p>Elide gripped his chin, her kiss sloppy and dirty. The taste of whiskey on her tongue as she licked into his mouth had him tightening his hold on her thighs to the point where she knew that there would be bruises, markings from one meaningless, flung-away type of night.</p>
<p>Her teeth sunk into his bottom lip, biting hard as his hips slammed into hers and she gasped loudly, sliding her hands into his hair again. Elide tightened around him, clenching as he pulled out until just the tip was in and he started the whole process over again, working her up and up until all she could do was fall.</p>
<p>Elide broke away from his lips, her head tipping back against the wall, one of her hands letting go of his hair to grip the brick behind her head, “Fuckfuckfuck, Lorcan- <em>shit</em>.”</p>
<p>He chuckled, moving his hand higher on her thigh to rub his thumb over her clit, the movement sending jolts through her. “That’s it,” Lorcan murmured, eyes locked on where they were joined. “Oh, what? You close? You wanna come?”</p>
<p>“Gods, yes,” Elide cried out, her body tensing as she neared the peak inside of her and came, her spine arching into his body. She yelled his name, her eyes screwed shut as her face scrunched up but then relaxed, her lips pulling into an easy, blissed smile as he continued to work her through her climax.</p>
<p>His was fast approaching and when Elide scraped her nails over his scalp, a broken moan slipped from his throat and he came, pleasure barreling down his spine, his pelvis pressed against hers as he spilled himself into the rubber. They were both panting, their skin sticky with sweat and hers dotted with pretty little marks.</p>
<p>Elide stroked her hand through his hair, practically petting him as they caught their breaths. “Fuck, we’re good at that.”</p>
<p>He laughed roughly, kissing her as he pulled out and took care of the condom while she fixed her dress and attempted to smooth down her hair. Her legs were weak and he braced a hand against her lower back, keeping her upright as they slowly walked out from behind the bar, no disguising what they had just done with their swollen lips and messy hair, hickeys on Elide’s pale skin.</p>
<p>It was at that time that Fenrys, Vaughan, Connall, and Rowan walked out, spotting their brother and some random chick immediately. Lorcan promptly ignored them and pretended not to know them as Fenrys started cackling and even Rowan snickered under his breath.</p>
<p>Elide was thankfully oblivious as she called down a taxicab and got in, scooting to the far side of the car. Lorcan leaned down, bracing a hand against the doorframe. She looked at him, a manicured brow arching upwards “Are you just going to stand there all night?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lorcan woke up as soon as the sun streamed through the windows, hitting him square in the face. With a slight groan, he propped himself up on his elbows, looking around in confusion at the studio apartment. Turning to the side, he saw a dark head of hair buried in a pillow and the night rushed back in.</p>
<p>The alley, her kitchen table, the bed, her fucking balcony window… Lorcan reached to the ground, fumbling for his jeans. Once he found them, he fished his phone out of his pocket, squinting at the brightness as he read the time.</p>
<p>Almost seven. He’d told Dresenda he’d be there to pick Kohana up at half past eight, which meant he had to leave now if he wanted to shower and wash the night off before seeing his son.</p>
<p>Elide didn’t even move as he stood up from bed and got dressed, as quickly and as quietly as he could. As he put his shoes on, she rolled onto her back, her arms stretching out before she settled back down and sighed softly, snuggling into the white linen duvet.</p>
<p>Lorcan shrugged on his jacket, quickly throwing his hair up into a messy bun before he checked to see that his wallet was in his pocket and his keys too.</p>
<p>Her apartment was tiny, but Lorcan hadn’t found that he’d felt cramped like he was inclined to feel in most enclosed spaces. No, he liked it here. </p>
<p>It was meticulously organized, all her mugs – which looked to be from a local pottery shop Essar had loved – were hung above the stove, her pantry, and cupboards all neat and tidy. She had a height-adjusting butcher block table between the kitchen, which he assumed she used for working, eating, and cooking. There was a crammed-full bookshelf next to the wall of windows and two matching, cozy chairs he could see her curled up in. Every free surface was covered with green, luscious plants. </p>
<p>Without any second-guessing, Lorcan made his way quietly to the door, thankful for the soundless hinges as he opened the door and slipped outside, closing it softly behind him.</p>
<p>As he walked to the elevator, he felt a twinge of remorse – he genuinely liked Elide. She was funny and bright, her humour matched his to a T and they got along well, effortlessly so. But he had a kid to think about. One who had gone through more sadness than someone his age should.</p>
<p>Knowing he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, Lorcan shook his head and walked to the nearest cab stand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is a wee little one, just before we get into it 👀</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide woke up alone, sprawled across her bed.<b><br/></b></p><p class="tmblr-truncated read_more_container">Groaning softly into the skin of her upper arm, she stretched and rolled over, blinking her eyes at sunny skies behind her side-by-side windows, sixth paned with rounded tops. Her gaze travelled to the canopy-esque set up she had above her bed, a simple wooden-pole square that she hung a multitude of plants from. </p><p>Lorcan was gone, and she was grateful for that. It was always awkward, waiting around for a hook-up to leave so she could get on with her day. </p><p>But Lorcan was… great. Really, he was. The sex had been amazing and he was gorgeous, truly beautiful, but it wasn’t just that. They got along well, when they were just lying in her bed, when she was sitting on her kitchen table and they were eating cereal. It was easy to laugh with him, to talk and banter with him. Elide groaned again and rolled over onto her stomach. <em>You do not have the time for this,</em> she reminded herself. </p><p>She huffed and got out of bed, feeling that old familiar ache between her legs and on the bruises sucked onto her skin as she shuffled into the bathroom and turned on her shower. </p><p>As the water warmed up, Elide shrugged on her fluffy bathrobe and went out to check her phone, opening the message from Nehemia, one of her new teacher colleagues. After Elide had moved from Perranth to Orynth, her sister Aelin had introduced her to her closest friends. They had all hit it off almost instantaneously and it was like they’d known each other all their lives. </p><p>She was a little less freaked out by her new job now that she knew she’d have at least one friend there. </p><p>
  <em>NY: still down for brunch with the girlies?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>EL: you know it </em>
</p><p>
  <em>EL: 11?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>NY: see you then! i’m going shopping for classroom stuff later, wanna join?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>EL: gods yes - completely forgot about that whoops</em>
</p><p>Plans for the day made, Elide turned on her music and hopped in the shower, the warm stream washing away the last night and the feeling of disappointment that she couldn’t quite place. </p><p>After her shower, Elide dried and curled her hair, throwing on the red wrap dress that Aelin had made for her - it was from her newest collection and all of her friends often got the throwaways, not that there was ever anything wrong with them. Elide paired it with simple white sneakers and dropped her wallet, phone, keys, and a reusable bag into a white cross-body purse before she left her apartment complex. </p><p>It was beautiful outside, a perfect late-August day so she decided to walk the short-ish distance to the Faliq family bakery, where Nesryn worked as a pastry chef alongside her father. </p><p> </p><p>Elide walked into the air conditioned bakery to find Nesryn precariously balancing trays of mouth-watering, decadent pastries. She quickly moved, saving a plate of mille feuilles with pastry cream and strawberries from crashing to the floor. “Hey, Nes.” </p><p>Nesryn grinned, “El, thank the gods.” She blew a flyaway strand of hair that had escaped her half-up, half-down bun do. “Cute dress.” She herself was wearing a pair of flour covered overalls and a black crop top, a pair of slip-on sneakers on her feet. They walked out to the patio to their normal table, where their friends were already sitting. </p><p>“Thanks, Ae gave it to me. I’m liking the overalls look,” Elide said, setting down the tray and taking her seat beside her sister. “Gods, these look fucking amazing, Nes.” Lysandra passed her a glass filled with ice coffee as Nesryn sat down next to her fiancée and blushed under the praise. </p><p>They dug in, catching up on each other’s lives. Nesryn and Lysandra had just returned from a vacation in Eyllwe and Nehemia lamented about missing home, but Elide knew she would never actually go through with forgetting everything and moving back. The wedding band on her finger and the matching one on Fenrys’ told a different tale. Their eloping was the best decision either of them had ever made. </p><p>Elide commented on how happy Aelin looked, despite being awake and coherent before noon and her sister shyly shared she’d been seeing someone, a man named Rowan. Nehemia smiled, it seemed as though Rowan was a good friend of Fenrys’ and Fenrys had actually introduced the two of them. Aelin looked absolutely smitten and they were all so happy for her. She deserved a happy love, after her parents, after Sam… </p><p>When Elide reached for the jam, her wrap top shifted and exposed one of the dark marks on the curve of her breast. Aelin squawked and Elide flushed, sitting back down, a hand over her chest as she watched her sister splutter. “Yes, Aelin?” </p><p>“Wha- what- what is <em>that</em>?” The blonde reached over and used the tip of her index finger to pull back the neckline of Elide’s dress, baring the mark and the countless others on her pale skin. Elide slapped her sister’s hand away, preferring that she didn’t expose her in public. “<em>Elide</em>!” </p><p>Everyone else gasped, intrigued as Elide relented. “Fine! I <em>may</em> have met a man at Emrys’ and hooked up with him… in the alley.” </p><p>Her friends’ eyes widened as Aelin’s jaw dropped and soon enough they were congratulating her, pestering her for extremely intimate details she refused to give until they finally dropped the subject and went back to eating. </p><p>“But was he any damn good?”</p><p>Elide hummed and sipped from her cold drink, “He was pretty any damn good.”</p><p>An hour later, they helped Nesryn clear the table and carried everything into the kitchen, saying hello to her father and mother. Sayed, her father, refused to let them leave without bags or boxes, depending on the choice, of their personal favourites. He claimed they were just laying around and they played along, but they knew better. </p><p>Elide climbed into Nehemia’s car and they were off to the nearest craft and office supplies store. There was a sale and they thanked the gods. The school paid for… not enough and if they wanted their classes to be adequately decorated, they would have to pay out of pocket for a lot of it. </p><p>Nehemia taught seventh grade at their school, while Elide taught kindergarten, so her class was much more brightly coloured. </p><p>Currently, she was comparing a pack of Mr. Sketch Markers and regular old Crayolas. Nehemia glanced over at the packs, “Mr. Sketch are way better. I swear, they’ve never bled and they smell good.” </p><p>She laughed and dropped the Mr. Sketch into her cart, checking off markers on her list. “Alright… I just need some… sticker paper for desk labels.” </p><p>Nehemia nodded, “Sounds good. I really hope my stuff is hip enough.” Elide laughed again and she insisted, “Do you know how scary seventh grade girls are? I can’t have them dissing my class!” </p><p>“I think you’ll be fine, Mi,” she said dryly, shaking her head a bit. “If I had you as my seventh grade teacher, I would’ve been in love with you, 100%.” </p><p>“Aw, really?” </p><p>“Totally!” </p><p>“That’s so sweet!” Nehemia dropped a packet of thumbtacks into her basket and sighed, “Alright, I think I’m done for now. What about you?” </p><p>“Just the sticker paper and then I’ll be good to go.” </p><p>They quickly located the paper and Elide got a few packs before they made their way to the registry. She looked up as she was bagging her things in the cotton bag she’d brought, eyes landing on a tall man with dark hair thrown up in a messy bun. </p><p>She almost called out ‘Lorcan’, but he turned and she didn’t recognize him. A weird feeling sunk into the pit of her stomach. Maybe she <em>did</em> regret only knowing him for one night, but it’s not like she could do anything about it. </p><p>Slightly deflated, she remained mostly silent as Nehemia dropped her off. “El, are you alright? You seem a little bit…” </p><p>Elide waved her off, “No, yeah, ‘m fine. I think I’m just tired. Hot today.” </p><p>Nehemia didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t press the subject as Elide kissed her cheek and hopped out, waving when she unlocked the door of her building and slipped inside. </p><p>Sleeping with Lorcan wasn’t a mistake, she didn’t regret that, but now that she thought about it… she would’ve liked to have seen him sleeping beside her in the morning. Would’ve liked to know how he took his coffee and how he kissed her good-bye.  </p><p>Making a disgusted sound in the back of her throat, Elide unlocked the door to her studio apartment and leaned back against the door in the dark, just staring at the empty space. </p><p>There was something rumpled on the floor and she dropped her bags, walking towards it. It was her dress, somehow not ripped even though they hadn’t exactly been patient when they got to her apartment. </p><p>With another groan, Elide changed aggressively in an old hoodie and sweats, ruining her curls by throwing her hair into a sloppy bun and plopped down on her bed, using the remote to turn on the TV mounted on the opposite wall. </p><p>Feeling peckish, Elide stood up from bed and walked over to the kitchen. She grabbed the box of pastries Sayed had given her, opening it up to find an Earl Grey and honey-flavoured St. Honoré, which was a layer of puff pastry that served as a base for the large cream puffs dipped in caramel, filled with Earl Grey and honey infused pastry cream, and topped with whipped cream. </p><p>Her mood lifted slightly as she cut herself a slice and read the note that Nesryn had left, letting her know that she’d been tweaking with the recipe and asking Elide to let her know what she thought. </p><p>Elide took herself and her pasty back to bed after turning on her kettle and putting a scoop of loose tea into her diffuser-ball and dropping it in a mug. </p><p>She sighed as she navigated to Netflix and clicked on a movie, already calling Aelin. Aelin didn’t get a word in before Elide was saying: “<em>Clueless</em>?” </p><p>Her sister agreed immediately, “<em>Clueless.”</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>let the games begin bitches!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lorcan was desperate. </p><p>The five-year old sitting on the floor of his room refused to get dressed and Lorcan’s nerves were getting frayed. He looked more like Lorcan than his mother, but his features softer than his father’s, his eyes brighter - a pale doe-brown. The freckles over his button nose were Essar’s, no doubt about it.  </p><p>“<em>No, Dad</em>.” Despite his words and negation, Lorcan was forever grateful that they spoke his mother tongue at home, as well as Essar’s. That their son was able to speak their languages, for their cultures and people to be kept alive for one more generation. They tended to mix and match with the two tongues, one from the northernmost part of Doranelle, and the other from deep within the Bogdano jungle. </p><p>He sighed and ran a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes before he too sat on the floor. “<em>Prince, please. Please just put on your pants.” </em></p><p><em>“<b>No</b>, Dad. Don’t wanna go to school,”</em> Kohana* said, his arms crossed tightly, glowering menacingly. He was already wearing his long-sleeved t-shirt, sweater and puffy jacket. The child insisted on wearing all his layers, even though it was hardly fall and he would definitely become way to warm by the end of the day.</p><p><em>“I know, kiddo,”</em> Lorcan said, wishing that Essar was here to convince him. She’d always managed to soothe their son and sometimes - most of the time if he were honest - Lorcan felt like a failure. He’d asked every god, multiple times, why him. <em>“I know you don’t.” </em></p><p>His tone was defeated and Kohana looked up at him, his brows lowered. <em>“If you <b>know</b>, why telling me to <b>go</b>?” </em></p><p>That was a very good point. An excellent one. Lorcan resorted to his last point: bribery. <em>“Alright, if you go to school, tonight when we get home, we’ll get ice cream and watch your favourite movie. Deal?” </em></p><p>His son looked between the pants and him, narrowing his chestnut eyes, just like his mom. Finally, Kohana nodded.<em> “Ok, Dad.”</em> </p><p>Ten minutes later, Kohana was concentrating on his laces, his tongue sticking out as he tied his shoes up. He was successful and clapped his little hands, <em>“Look! Tied my shoes!” </em></p><p>Lorcan smiled, his heart cracking just a bit, “<em>Good job, baby.”</em> Kohana stood up on the front hall bench and lifted his arms. Lorcan scooped him up and tossed him up, catching him before setting the little one down on his feet, smiling at his son’s pealing laughter. <em>“We ready?” </em></p><p>Kohana grabbed Lorcan’s pinky and ring finger after Lorcan helped him put on his mini rainbow Kanken backpack.<em> “Yep! Go time!” </em></p><p>As Lorcan opened the door, Kohana froze, <em>“Oh no! I forgot to say bye bye to Tigger!”</em> He raced back into their house, seeking out Essar’s old ragdoll cat. Lorcan had a love-hate relationship with Tigger, but even he smiled when he heard the kid’s little voice saying good-bye. He looked in the mirror beside Essar’s picture, noting the length of his hair had just finally begun to brush against his shoulders after he had cut it, out of respect and honour for the passing of his wife. </p><p>It made his throat close up, this feeling that he was moving on and forgetting her - when he’d once promised to never forget her. Lorcan had meant it that dark day in that sterile hospital room and he meant it now. His gloomy thoughts were interrupted by the pattering feet of their son as he came racing back and crashed into Lorcan’s legs. <em>“Ready to go.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Kohana chattered the entire way to his school, looking out the window as he kicked his feet, sitting on his booster seat. Lorcan grinned and conversed with him, only slightly worried about the amount that he talked. </p><p>Kohana was a fairly quiet child, reserved and freakily observant like his dad, and preferred to silently ride in the truck wherever they went. Soon enough, they pulled up in front of the school and Kohana fell silent, nervously glancing out at the other kids and parents. </p><p>
  <em>“You need a minute, Ko?” </em>
</p><p>Kohana slowly shook his head, <em>“No, I ready. Go time, Dad.” </em></p><p>Lorcan stifled his chuckle and unbuckled his seatbelt, turning off the engine and making his way to Kohana’s door. He opened it and Kohana unclipped his seat belt and stood on his booster seat, waiting for Lorcan to pick him up. Lorcan did, propping him on his hip as he got his backpack and shut the door, clicking his keys to lock the truck as he strode through the parking lot, unaware of the stares and attention he drew to himself as he walked to the school. </p><p> </p><p>Elide checked the time again, reassuring herself that nobody was late, considering the bell didn’t ring for another fifteen minutes. She breathed out slowly, checking over her class list and making sure that each little desk (who knew kindergarten desks could be so cute) had a velcroed name label on it. She figured she would let the kids choose their seats and go from there once she knew the different dynamics. </p><p>She checked over the reading area, making sure the toadstool-patterned pouffes were placed correctly and relative to the bookshelves and toy area. What she had wanted was a whimsical, faerie-woods like reading area and Elide was happy with what she had done. She'd even managed to find a tree-throne inspired wooden chair made by a local artist. </p><p>The art corner was all ready, it had been the first area she set up, and Elide walked into the cubby area, which was separate from the rest of the classroom. </p><p>Unlike the desks, the cubbies were designated to each student and she made sure that the velcroed labels stuck on well. Elide did not need wild little ones pulling things off at random. She popped into the little bathroom they had, thanking her gods and goddesses for being one of the few kindergarten classes with their own toilet. There was a sign with diagrams on correct hand washing and a step stool up to the sink, soap and paper towels in easy access. </p><p>She looked at herself in the mirror, running an eye over her outfit: a pair of raw-edge, blue mom jeans and a slouchy lavender sweater, paired with a pair of delicate silver hoops, her hair twisted into a low-bun and held together with a silver hairpin, a gift from her ex-girlfriend. She wore her everyday, white sneakers, her makeup simple with just mascara and a light dusting of blush. </p><p>Perfect for meeting parents and kiddos. Comfortable and still somewhat professional for the first day of school. Aelin had asked her to model some things for her newest collection and had dumped a bunch of custom made pieces into her arms. A congrats-on-your-new-job present, she’d said, so needless to say, Elide was well-equipped and excited for her new outfits. </p><p>Someone knocked on the door and called out, “Hello?” </p><p>Elide squeaked and hurried into her class, “Hey, I’m— <em>Lorcan</em>?” Oh gods, what was he doing here? Elide subtly checked the available exits, in case something went sideways. “What are you doing here?” </p><p>Just then, she noticed how shocked he looked and the children’s backpack that dangled from his hand, not to mention the nearly identical child who held onto his other hand in a death grip. “Um, I- kid- school-” he stuttered out, his jaw still dropped as the child tugged on his hand.</p><p>“Dad?” The dark-haired child looked up at Lorcan in confusion, his brow wrinkling. Elide genuinely thought that every kid was cute, but by the gods, this one took the cake. She had the sudden urge to kiss his round cheek and clamped down on the desire. </p><p>He was a father. And she was his kid’s teacher. And she should not be thinking about how he held her up and fucked her against a wall three nights ago or how the way his lips parted as she got on her knees for— </p><p>“Oh my gods, sorry,” Elide said, snapping out of her shock. “Hi!” The kid looked nervous and hugged Lorcan’s legs, hiding his face in his father’s navy painter pants. </p><p>“Ko,” Lorcan said, crouching down in front of his son. Elide scanned the class roster, landing on the name Kohana **Tangaroa-Salvaterre. Lorcan began to speak in a language she discerned as ***Ozuye from hearing it during her gap year, but she didn’t comprehend a word, her mind reeling. </p><p>Even if this wasn’t the situation, she still wouldn’t have been able to understand a word on account of not speaking a language other than the common tongue and Blackbeak. </p><p>“Ok, Dad,” Kohana whispered. He walked over to her, his light eyes wide as he clasped his hands together in front of him, “Hello. My name is Kohana. I am five.” </p><p>Elide huffed a laugh and crouched down in front of him, “Hi, Kohana. My name’s supposed to be Miss Lochan, but you can call me Elide.” He smiled and nodded, running back to Lorcan to grab his backpack and grab a quick hug before saying bye with a tight hug and an accepted top-of-the-head kiss. He quickly ran back to Elide’s side. </p><p>Lorcan laughed quietly and nodded an only semi-awkward goodbye before ducking out of the classroom. “Alright, Kohana, why don’t we see your cubby?” </p><p>“Ok,” he said, following her closely as she led the way to the coat room. </p><p> </p><p>Hellas save him, this was a mess. How had he managed to sleep with the one person that would be his son’s teacher for ten whole months? </p><p>Lorcan stopped at a red light and hit his head against the steering wheel, swearing low. If Essar could see him now, she’d be crying in laughter. That got him to smile, even if it was forced and unnatural. </p><p>He drove in utter silence to the mechanic shop he worked at, alongside Fenrys and Malakai, trying to think about anything other than the sounds she had made when he was inside her. He was not successful in the slightest. </p><p>It had him in a foul mood when he parked and got out of his truck, stalking into the back room. Fenrys was sitting at the table and drinking a cup of coffee when he walked in. “Woah, who pissed in your coffee this morning?” </p><p>Lorcan sighed and braced his hands against his locker, hanging his head. “I fucked Ko’s teacher.” </p><p>“Wait, just now?” </p><p>He snarled and spun to glare at Fenrys, “Yeah, in the five-minute period I was dropping my kindergartener off at school, I took her in the cubby and fucked her real good.” He walked over to the blonde and slapped him upside the head, “Fuck is wrong with you? She’s the girl from the bar.” </p><p>“Well. You two are fucked.” </p><p>That was exactly the problem.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Kohana is a Lakota names that means swift! <br/>**Tangaroa is the Māori god of the sea! <br/>***Ozuye is my fictional tribe based off the Lakota tribes </p><p>In this story (and every story I write) both Essar and Lorcan are indigenous! Essar is Māori and Lorcan is Lakota, simply because i want to and you can never have too much colour 😌✨ALSO i feel like this might not need to be said, but when the dialogue is in italics, it's because they're speaking in another language</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bell finally rang on a glorious Friday afternoon and Elide corralled all her students, herding them into the cubby room. </p><p>Kohana, as always, was one of the first students ready, standing next to the door silently as his proclaimed ‘bestest friend ever’ stood next to him, excitedly chattering about her weekend plans. </p><p>Esther Corsario-Beausoleil was an adorable little girl, with sea green eyes and a cloud of coily, flaming red locks, the child to Elide’s favourite parents - Ilias, Ansel, and Rolfe. Elide had known Ansel forever and knew that they proclaimed it to be a cruel and unjust punishment to stick their kid with three last names. Ilias had gotten the pick of her first name as a consolation. Unlike one of her fathers and Kohana, she hardly ever stopped talking, but it seemed as though Kohana’s presence had a calming effect on her. </p><p>Esther was currently explaining to Kohana that her last name, translated into the common tongue, meant ‘pirate-beautiful sun’. Esther had the cutest accent, her pronunciation of her last names immaculate. </p><p>That had him excited as he hurriedly told her that his last name meant ‘god of the sea-saviour of the earth’. They looked very pleased with themselves and Esther managed to stop hopping around to show him how her shoes lit up. </p><p>“Ok, friends, is everybody ready?” Elide asked, standing at the front of the line. They all nodded and took each other’s hands like she’d taught them before she led them outside. It was beautiful again today and Elide couldn’t wait to go over to Nesryn and Lysandra’s place tonight, her week - while she loved it and it had gone as smoothly as possible - had been hectic and she was ready to relax with her closest friends. </p><p>Elide said hello to the parents and nannies, pulling some of them to the side to discuss minor issues they’d had. Somehow, she’d managed to make it through the week without a single wet pants situation and Elide thanked whatever deity had ensured that small victory for her. </p><p>“Elide! Elide!” Elide turned, to see Esther pointing across the asphalt area to her mother, who was climbing out of a sleek red Cadillac.<em> “C’est Maman!”</em> </p><p>Elide chuckled as Ansel strolled up, wearing a pair of skin tight black jeans, a black top and a burgundy leather jacket, her eyes hidden behind a pair of cat-eye sunglasses. She tossed her glossy locks over her shoulder and opened her arms, letting her daughter race towards her and launch herself into her arms. <em>“Bon après-midi, my petite. On fait bien, oui?”</em> Esther nodded and began to babble as Ansel propped her up on her hip and walked to Elide. “Elide, my saviour!” Oh, how Elide loved that sultry accent.</p><p>“Hey, Ansel. Esther was a joy, yet again. We made some art today, but it won’t be dry until Monday.” </p><p>Ansel nodded and turned to Kohana, who was now standing alone, the last kid, as he waited for his dad. There was a crease between his brows as he watched with those light eyes of his. “Hi, Ko-Ko. How we doing?” </p><p>He turned to Ansel and waved, “Hi-hi. ‘m waiting for <em>até.</em>” He fell silent again, wringing his hands until something crossed over his face and he was off before Elide could stop him, running as fast as his little legs would take him. Kohana didn’t get too far before Lorcan was scooping him up. </p><p>Lorcan was smiling widely as he easily put Kohana on his shoulders and walked over to Elide and Ansel. Kohana looked pleased, his little hands holding onto Lorcan’s hair as he sat on his perch. “Hey, Ansel, Esther.” Esther waved at him vigorously and swung her legs out, trying to get her shoes to light up again. “Elide.” </p><p>“Lorcan.” Ansel looked back and forth between them with narrowed eyes after she pushed her sunglasses up into her wine-coloured hair. Elide still couldn’t tell if it was natural or not - even after all these years - but with Esther’s red strands, she couldn’t be sure. “Kohana was a perfect student this week. I’m very impressed with his ability to tie his own shoes. He’s got the best bunny ears in the game.” She winked at Kohana, who giggled and clapped his little hands before leaning over his father’s head. </p><p>“I tied my shoes all the days, <em>até</em>.” </p><p>“Good job, Ko. You ready to go?” </p><p>“Yep! Got say bye-bye to Essie!” Kohana sat up straight and stretched out his arm, waving bye to Esther. “Bye-bye, Essie!” </p><p>Esther beamed and waved goodbye to him as well,<em> “Au revoir, Ko-Ko!” </em></p><p>The adults chuckled at the cuteness and all said their farewells as Lorcan strolled off. Ansel swivelled to Elide, a brow raised, “What the fuck was that?” </p><p><em>“Maman! Mauvais mot,”</em> Esther chastised her mother, frowning as she crossed her arms. </p><p>“Just like your Aba, huh? Always tell me what to do,” Ansel teased her daughter in reference to Ilias. Elide had known Ansel when they were both in university, around the time that she met her now husbands, and Elide knew that Rolfe and Ansel were the troublemakers of the relationship. “But seriously, what was that?” </p><p>Elide rolled her eyes, “You’re still coming tonight, right? I’ll tell you then.” </p><p>Ansel pouted and sighed dramatically, “Oh, I suppose I can wait that long.” They laughed and soon enough, were departing as Elide headed back to her classroom. </p><p>She puttered around, tidying up and putting the little chairs up before gathering her things. It didn’t take more than fifteen minutes and she was off, after closing the blinds and turning off the lights, heading home for the weekend. </p><p>It was nice out again today, but Elide had still brought her car, a cute, vintage, baby-blue painted Volkswagen Bug. She rolled down the windows as she drove home, happy with the success of her first week. </p><p>Granted, she could’ve done without the realization that she’d had a one-night stand with one of her student’s fathers, but she’d take what she could get. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Dad, where we going?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We’re going to Ro’s house, kiddo.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can I bring Tigger?” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan looked down at his son, his eyes wide as he pouted. “<em>Sorry, Ko, you know Tigger stays at home.” </em></p><p>Kohana sulked, crossing his arms tightly.<em> “Wanna bring <b>Tigger</b>.”</em> He frowned deeply, a fierce glare pointed at Lorcan as he picked the child up and locked their front door behind him, walking to the truck. Every first Friday of the month, the guys would all meet up and play poker somewhere. The level of the stakes varied, but never exceeded an ostentatious amount. </p><p>As a bribe, Lorcan stopped at a fast food place and bought his son chicken nuggets on his way to Rowan’s, smiling in the rearview as Kohana happily munched on his dinner and kicked his legs out. Soon enough, they pulled up in front of Rowan’s townhouse and hopped out of the truck. </p><p>Kohana raced to the door and pressed incessantly on Rowan’s doorbell until the silver-haired man yanked the door open, assuming it was Lorcan doing it to annoy him. Upon seeing Kohana, he grinned and picked the little one up, tickling his sides until he was squirming away. “No! No more!” </p><p>“Boyo just devoured ten chicken nuggets, don’t blame me when he barfs on you,” Lorcan said dryly, laughing as Rowan made a nervous face and put Kohana down. He pushed past Rowan’s legs and raced into the house, roaring his arrival. </p><p>“So how’s the teacher?” </p><p>Lorcan groaned, “Fen told you?” </p><p>“Literally the second after you told him.” </p><p>“Fucking Marama,” Lorcan muttered, putting down Kohana’s backpack of toys and books. </p><p>“Someone say my name?” Fenrys yelled as he popped out from behind the corner and Lorcan shouted. </p><p>“Hellas below, man, can you not? I hate it when you do that.” Fenrys cackled and Lorcan wondered how on earth did he convince Nehemia to marry him. They all walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, with Kohana as their dealer. </p><p>They didn’t fuck around after their greetings and got right into the game. At some point, Connall had fished out the old visor with <em>DEALER</em> stamped across it and plopped it on Kohana’s head. </p><p>The five-year old took his job very seriously, his brows furrowed as he carefully passed out the correct amount of cards. “Juice, please.” </p><p>After he’d gotten his juice box, the game was back on. Fenrys looked at Lorcan and wiggled his brows in a way that Lorcan did not like. “So, Man-Man,” Kohana looked up from the chips he was carefully stacking, sitting atop a pile of books so that he could see the entire table. “How’s school going? You like your teacher?” </p><p>“Fenrys-” </p><p>“Teacher is nice. Like her. She read stories and paint and draw and play outside with us. Did you know I gots a bestest friend, Fenny?” </p><p>“What? I thought I was your bestest friend, Ko!” Fenrys exclaimed, holding a hand to his heart like he was wounded. “What’s your bestest friend like?” </p><p>“<em>Very</em> loud. Essie talks a lot,” Kohana said, moving on to the blue chips. “She gots shoes that light up too.” </p><p>“She seems like a nice friend,” Vaughan said, smiling fondly at his nephew. “Do <em>you</em> have light up shoes, Fenny?” Fenrys, mindful of the child sitting in full view, stuck his tongue out at Vaughan, making Kohana giggle. </p><p>“Essie has two daddies and one mommy.” </p><p>Lorcan elaborated, “She’s Corsario’s kid.” </p><p>“Oh dang really?” Connall asked, his brows lifting. “Ay, didn’t he marry Ilias and Ansel?” </p><p>“Yeah, they were in that prenatal class with us,” Lorcan said, focusing on his cards. </p><p>“That is a brave man.” </p><p>“What’dya mean?” </p><p>“Marrying Rolfe <em>and</em> Ansel? I’m surprised he hasn’t had a heart attack yet.” </p><p>They all chuckled and soon enough, the game recommenced, at the behest of the dealer. </p><p> </p><p>“I got to say, El, Esther’s so happy she gets to call you by your first name.” Ansel rolled her eyes, “She had the most ridiculous daycare leader ever who made the kids learn the ‘proper’ way to address adults.” </p><p>“They’re kids! Some of them haven’t even turned <em>five</em> yet, for fuck’s sake. If all we’re doing is learning our numbers and ABCs, then they definitely do not have to ‘address’ me like that. Certainly not if I’m teaching them to treat others how they want to be treated,” Elide said, helping Lysandra in the kitchen by washing a head of lettuce.</p><p>Ansel nodded her agreement and a wicked gleam entered her eyes as Elide started tearing up the green leaves. “So… how much more drunk do you have to be to spill that hot drama you’ve been sitting pretty on, with your cute lil ass?”  </p><p>Elide groaned and flicked Ansel’s nose, “Dude… can you be chill? For once?” </p><p>“Spill? Spill <em>what</em>?” Aelin asked, popping into the kitchen. </p><p>“Oh, am I finally going to figure out why you were being so weird on Saturday?” That was Nehemia, walking into the kitchen with Nesryn. Lysandra was already there, cutting something up for whatever dinner they were having. </p><p>Elide groaned in defeat and hit her head on the countertop. “I slept with my student’s dad.” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>She lifted her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, “The guy from Friday night is the father of one of my students.” </p><p>They gawked at her, utterly silent until Ansel gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “<em>Mon dieu,</em> it’s Lorcan, right? Am I right?” </p><p>“Mm-hmm. Yup.” </p><p>Aelin, Ansel, and Nehemia cackled as Lysandra gave her a sympathetic look and hugged her. “I’m sorry, honey. That doesn’t sound fun.” </p><p>Elide pouted and whined, “It’s so bad! I thought he was stalking me or something when he showed up!” A thought crossed her mind and she swore, “Anneith below, it’s gonna be so awkward at parent-teacher conferences!” </p><p>“How?” </p><p>“Well, I think he’s divorced and they have joint custody? Anyway, we’ve barely said more than two sentences to each other and I can’t even look him in the eye. The mother is going to have to be brain-dead-” </p><p>Ansel sucked in a breath, all the humour in her face disappearing. “El… can I talk to you quickly?” </p><p>They all exchanged weird looks as Elide slipped off her stool and followed Ansel to the backyard. The red-haired woman was pacing, biting her thumbnail. “Ans, what is it?” </p><p>“Kohana’s mom died four years ago. She got sick and they didn’t find anything wrong until it was too late.” </p><p>“Oh my gods. Are you serious?” </p><p>Ansel nodded, her eyes conflicted. “Yeah. I figured you knew already. She and Lorcan had been together for years, highschool sweethearts.” </p><p>Elide felt her heart drop and she couldn’t find the words to process anything. She knew what it was like to lose her parents at a young age and suddenly it all made sense. Kohana’s wariness to make friends outside of Esther, waiting anxiously for his dad to show up at pickup, lingering by Lorcan at dropoff. “Poor Kohana. Poor <em>Lorcan</em>. Shit.” </p><p>Ansel winced and nodded, “I wouldn’t mention it to him until he brings it up. Losing her like that… no one should have to live through that. Especially with a kid.” </p><p>Elide nodded, her mind reeling. Somehow, this mess became even messier. She wasn’t sure how it had done that. </p><p> </p><p>Fenrys was having a no-blinking contest with Kohana when his phone buzzed. The five-year old <em>smirked</em>, the little shit had the audacity to <em>smirk</em> at him, his gaze piercing and wide open. “Do you needs a break?” </p><p><em>Man, fuck him and his stupid grammar, </em>Fenrys said to himself as he nodded and Kohana blinked, taking a bite of his mini Babybel. His hands were barely big enough to hold it in one. The golden-haired man had never wanted to throttle anyone more. </p><p>He stepped away from the table and took out his phone, smiling at the image of his wife that lit up the screen. He accepted the call, “Hey, Mi. What’s up?” </p><p>
  <em>“Hi, babe, um… did Lorcan tell you that…?”</em>
</p><p>“Oh, Ko’s teacher? Yeah, he told me.” He paused, checking that everyone was busy doing something. “What about it?” </p><p>Nehemia breathed out slowly, <em>“She’s Aelin’s sister. Elide.” </em></p><p>“Oh fuck.” </p><p>A little voice gasped from behind him and Fenrys turned, seeing Kohana clap his hands over his ears. Bless that kid and his innocence. “Mi, I gotta go. Let’s talk more at home, ok?” </p><p>
  <em>“Ok. Love you, Fen.” </em>
</p><p>“Love you too.” </p><p>Kohana’s eyes were wide and he whispered, “You said a bad word, Fenny.” </p><p>Fenrys stuffed his phone back into his pocket and quickly lifted Kohana up, carrying him to the kitchen. “I know, Man-Man. But guess what?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“If you keep it a secret and don’t tell your daddy, I’ll give you ice cream. Deal?” </p><p>Kohana’s vehement nod was answer enough for Fenrys.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Até means father in Lakota :) </p><p>it's gonna be a lil slow, just for a lil bit tho ok?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is ALSO a s h a w t y (wit a body ody ody) cause we gotta just flesh it out u kno ~development~ before the big ol shebang yerd? also spanish children’s songs go HARD.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alright, friends,” Elide said as she passed out a little packet of laminated letters to every student. “Today we’re going to start on our ABC’s. Who can tell me what ABC’s are?” </p><p>“Ko-Ko knows!” Esther shouted, always cheerleading her quiet friend. The redheaded five-year old was practically bouncing in her seat. </p><p>Elide bit down her smile and laugh, “Esther, remember our inside voices, ok? Kohana, do you want to share?” </p><p>He glanced unsurely towards Esther and she nodded, encouraging him. “ABC is letters. Ah-phabet.” </p><p>“Good job, Kohana, exactly. ABC’s are the letters that make our words,” she said, smiling at him. A little grin appeared on his face and Esther gave him a subtle high five. They were the cutest. “So, with our letters, friends, we’re going to learn the sounds they make!” </p><p>The rest of the morning went swimmingly and Elide was pleased with herself, with the success of her lesson. She sent her kids off to recess after lunch, waving goodbye. A hand tugged on one of the deep pockets of her painter-overalls and she looked down to see Kohana standing there, worry creasing his brow. “Elide, I don’t want it to rain.” </p><p>Elide glanced outside and saw the slight overcast. “Me neither. I don’t like the rain. Do you?” </p><p>He nodded slowly and Esther popped out of the cubby room, decked out in the brightest, sparkliest gumboots, a polka-dotted raincoat, and a rain hat to match plopped onto her crazy curls as well. “I <em>love </em>the rain! We’re going to make soup, right, Ko-Ko?” </p><p>Kohana looked up at Elide, his face brightening, “But I only like the rain sometime. I like the rain ‘cause me an’ my dad stay inside and we gots to watch a movie. Essie come over and watch movie too.”</p><p>“Oh, wow, I love movies! What’s your favourite?” </p><p>“Like <em>Space Jam</em>. Dad likes MJ. I likes Buggsie Bunny, Essie likes Buggsie Bunny too. But she like <em>other </em>movie too.” </p><p>“<em>Oui, j’adore </em>Buggsie Bunny!” </p><p>Kohana giggled and Esther hooked her arm through his. “Bye bye, Elide!” She was dragging Kohana out behind her before Elide could wave good-bye. </p><p> </p><p>Rolfe smiled as Kohana and Esther raced each other to reach him, their little backpacks slapping against their backs. “Rolfe!” “<em>Papi</em>!” </p><p>He waved to Elide, indicating he got the little ones as he crouched and hugged them. “What’s up, munchkins? How was school today?” </p><p>“We learned letter sounds,” Kohana said, taking the hand Rolfe held out to him as he stood up, Esther taking his other hand. “ABC sounds.” </p><p>“Was that fun?” </p><p>“Yeah, but me and Essie already knowed that. A is ah, B is buh, C is cuh or kah. Blah.” </p><p>Esther giggled and let go of Rolfe’s hand to jump in a shallow puddle, barely a splash under her boots. Quickly, she ran back to Kohana and her father, walking to Rolfe’s car. “We goin’ to uncle L shop?”</p><p>“You know it,” Rolfe said, easily buckling the two of them into their booster seats. “Are you little devils hungry? Want some chicken nuggets?” </p><p>They squealed and nodded, babbling to each other as Rolfe slowly pulled out of the parking lot, turning onto the road that would take him to the nearest fast food place. </p><p>Soon enough, Kohana and Esther were happily munching on their snacks and sipping from the drinks he’d gotten them. “So, how’s school going, guys?” Rolfe looked into the rearview mirror. “Es? Ko?” </p><p>“Elide is so nice, <em>papi</em>. She lets me and Ko-Ko sit together all the time and we gets to be buddies for everything! I like playing time and Ko-Ko like reading time, so he sits on the mushroom and I sits with the dinosaurs and I talk and Ko-Ko looks at the books, right, Ko-Ko?” </p><p>“Yup! I looked at a book with bears today,” Kohana said, looking pleased as he sipped on his apple juice. “Do you like bears, Rolfe?” </p><p>“I do,” he hummed, winking at Esther, “but you wanna know what my favourite animal is?” They looked at him expectantly, their eyes wide wide open. “Sharks!” </p><p>Esther giggled and Kohana stared, “Sharks are scary.” </p><p>His bestest friend wiggled and began to sing a song about a shark that tried to trick the fish. “<em>Tres pececitos se fueron a nadar, el más pequeñito se fue al fondo del mar… El tiburón le dijo ven acá…”</em></p><p>Rolfe watched his daughter show his nephew of sorts how to make a fish with his hands and the actions that went along with the song. </p><p>When they got to the mechanic shop, Kohana and Esther strained under their restraints, their empty food containers discarded on the floor. Rolfe didn’t mind it, if anything he was <em>beaming</em> at Esther’s influence on Kohana. The kid was itching to act out, even in such a simple way. </p><p>His serene behaviour was a worry for Lorcan. </p><p>Rolfe quickly unbuckled them before they hurt themselves and they were off, weaving and racing through the shop. They sought out Malakai first, who was sitting behind the front desk - fashioned out of the front end of a ‘57 Chevrolet Bel Air - sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper. </p><p>“Grampy!” They yelled in unison, launching themselves into his arms. At their voices, Ansel and Lorcan popped their heads out of the back office, smiling fondly at the sight. They strolled on out, Ansel wiping her hands on the pants of her navy blue coveralls. She had the sleeves tied around her waist and wore an old white wifebeater as her top. </p><p>“Hey, kiddos,” Ansel said and they hardly acknowledged her as Malakai withdrew two lollipops for them. She laughed and walked over to Rolfe, “Hello. How were the little ankle biters today?” </p><p>“Esther sang a very educational song about not trusting sharks and they chowed down on some chicken nuggets and apple juice,” he told her, pulling her closer with a hand on her waist and a hand cupping her face. “How was your day?” Ansel kissed him softly. </p><p>“Good, it was good. I think I figured out that engine block so,” she said, stepping back when Esther called for her. “Yes, my darling?” </p><p>“I need help!” </p><p>“That’s my cue,” Ansel quipped, saluting the two men as she went over to her daughter. </p><p>Lorcan rubbed the back of his neck, “So how was he?” </p><p>Rolfe nodded, “Good, he was good. He talks a lot about his teacher, you know? I think she’s really good for him. And Ess too.” Relief flashed over Lorcan’s face and Rolfe clapped his shoulder, “Hey, man, you’re doing a good job.” </p><p>Lorcan opened his mouth to say something when his son crashed into his legs, one hand reaching up to tap Lorcan’s hip and the other holding Ko’s prized candy. “Hi, Dad!” </p><p>Smiling, Lorcan leaned down and scooped him up, propping him on his hip. “Hey, kid.” </p><p>“Look, Dad, gots a candy!” </p><p>“Oh, cool, where’d you get that?” </p><p>“Grampy.” </p><p>Lorcan raised his voice, “Well that’s funny, I could’ve sworn Grampy knew that candy makes you hyper and makes me want to cry later at home.” Kohana just shrugged and popped his lollipop back in his mouth while Malakai laughed loudly, the sound coming from his belly. “How was school?” </p><p>“Learned ah-phabet sounds. I ‘ready know ah-phabet sounds,” Kohana said, resting his head against Lorcan’s shoulder. “Can I help you with a car?” </p><p>“Always, bud,” Lorcan said, nodding at Rolfe and the others before carrying Kohana away. “Hungry?” </p><p><em>“Nope, got chicky nuggies. And A-for-Apple juice,”</em> Kohana babbled, subconsciously switching his language and kicking out his legs. <em>“Look, até, gots frogs on my boots. I eated </em><em>with Essie and then we ‘plashed in puddle and made soup-soup and Essie played with dinos and I looked at a book of bears. I like bears, do you like bears?” </em></p><p><em>“I do like bears,” </em>Lorcan replied, keeping his voice even even though internally he was ecstatic at the amount Kohana was talking right now. He didn’t know how much influence was Esther’s or Elide’s, but he thanked the gods for them, no matter the awkward and stilted relationship to the latter. <em>“What else did you get up to?” </em></p><p>Kohana shrugged and wiggled to be put down. Lorcan obliged and they walked together into Lorcan’s car bay. <em>“Not much, Dad. Gots help Essie with inside voice, but Essie help me with outside voice. Much louder now, when we go outside, do you wanna hear my outside voice?” </em></p><p><em>“Of course,”</em> Lorcan replied, his heart cracking just a bit more. Kohana stuck his lollipop in his mouth and clambered onto the cushioned stool by the tool cart. Every morning, it was meticulously organized, but by the end of the day, it looked like a tornado had gone through it. Lorcan took the other stool by the open hood of one of his regular’s cars. Each repair was futile, merely putting off the inevitable, but the man tipped well, listened to Lorcan’s instructions and didn’t argue with anything he was told so, Lorcan had no complaints. </p><p>He glanced into the engine, sussing out which tool he would need and then the reachability of his son’s arms, trying to decide what he could make do with. <em>“K-Man, pass me that socket wrench, yeah?” </em></p><p><em>“Here you go!”</em> Kohana chirped, shoving off the cart with his two feet on the rolling stool after he grabbed the shiny tool. <em>“Here you go, Dad.” </em></p><p>Lorcan chuckled and kissed his son’s forehead, <em>“Thank the Creator for you, kid.” </em></p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i know i usually post every other day, but i hit 700 followers on tumblr today aaannndd im real happy so enjoy! this is the drama yall’ve been sittin pretty and waitin for</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide glanced at herself in her mirror, popping her lips as her front door was practically bashed in. </p><p>Aelin was always an impatient brat, but tonight, Elide couldn’t blame her - they were finally getting to meet the mysterious <em>Rowan </em>and some of his friends as well. She knew her sister was inordinately anxious for this to go well. </p><p>Finally, Elide walked out of her bathroom, smoothing her hands down the fronts of her skin-tight jeans, and it looked like her door was just barely hanging on. Thank the gods for her deadbolt. “For Anneith’s sake, Ae, calm your titties, please.” </p><p>Elide sighed and unlocked her door, opening it to find her sister there, a slightly apologetic wince on her face. “Sorry! I’m nervous,” the blonde said, lifting her hand to run it through her locks, but she’d forgotten she’d thrown them up in a ponytail and so Aelin settled for picking at her cuticles. “Are you ready to go?” </p><p>“Yeah, just gotta put on my shoes,” Elide said, “come in, maybe drink some water, calm down?” </p><p>Aelin entered and closed the door behind her, practically bouncing up and down uncontrollably. “I’ve been trying to calm down all day! I was pinning pleats and stabbed myself so many times.” </p><p>“You really like this guy, huh?” </p><p>A blush rose to Aelin’s cheeks and she ducked her head, “I don’t know! He’s just… you know? I like being around him, he’s… not really ‘nice’ but he’s nice, you know?” </p><p>Elide laughed softly, shaking her head. “No, I don’t, at all, but I get it. I’m happy for you, babe.” </p><p>“I’m happy for me too,” Aelin reached out and took Elide’s hand, squeezing once as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m really happy.” Breathing out and blinking, she smiled, “Ok, enough of that, can you get your shoes on please?” </p><p>“Bossy,” teased Elide, dropping her sister’s hand to sit down at her front hall bench and shove on her platform Doc Marten’s, lacing them up tight. “Pass me my jacket, darling?” She stood and held a hand out for the coat Aelin passed to her. Elide patted her pockets, feeling her phone, keys, and wallet. “Alright, I’m good to go.” </p><p>“Finally,” Aelin said, dragging Elide out into the hall. She was barely patient enough to wait for Elide to lock the door. </p><p>Aelin chattered nervously the entire drive to the pub, only talking faster when they picked up Nehemia. </p><p>Nehemia and Elide exchanged amused glances as they parked and Aelin practically threw herself from the vehicle, stopping herself from racing into the building when she remembered the two of them. “Sorry,” she said, smiling a bit as they walked over to her and were joined by Nesryn by herself. </p><p>“Hey, Ae, Lys had to work tonight,” Nesryn said, an apologetic furrow in her brow. “I’m sorry, she really wanted to meet him.” </p><p>“Oh,” Aelin replied, deflating slightly. “It’s ok, she can meet him another time, right? It’s fine, really, let’s go!” </p><p> </p><p>“Auntie D!” </p><p>Dresenda smiled as Kohana launched himself at her, wrapping his arms around her legs. “Hey, kiddo.” She reached down and picked him up, propping him up on her side. Kohana smiled widely, his hooded eyes crinkling and nearly disappearing with his joy as they pressed their noses together, as part of the Bogdano greeting. “Lorcan, what’s up?” </p><p>Lorcan smiled at his sister-in-law, “Nothing much, what about you?” </p><p>“Same old, same old,” Dresenda replied, tickling Kohana’s side. The adults both chuckled as he giggled and squirmed away from the fingers. “But really, how are you?” </p><p>Lorcan found it hard to look at her sometimes. They had always looked alike, her and Essar. That had changed after Dresenda had joined the military and risen up the ranks, becoming hardened. Desperation, that’s what it was. A desperation to see the love of his life again, in anything, anywhere. “I’m ok, really. Little man’s in school and he’s liking that, aren’t you, K-Man?” </p><p>“I <em>love </em>school, Dad. I love it.” Kohana corrected him. He turned to his aunt and began speaking Bogdano to her, conversing easily in one of his native tongues. </p><p>Dresenda smiled and responded in the same language, putting him down and letting him run off into the house she was assigned after being discharged. </p><p>“And how’re you, D?” </p><p>“Well, I’d like to think I’m going good. Got a new therapist, one that has actually been in active combat,” she said with an eye roll. Lorcan had heard it all before when she’d first arrived back in town, about how an active combat soldier should receive an active combat therapist. Civilians couldn’t understand it and he couldn’t blame her for that. </p><p>“That’s good. Thanks for watching him, again, I know it’s not what anyone really wants to do on a Saturday but—” </p><p>“Lorcan, for fuck’s sake, man. I genuinely enjoy looking after your kid. What is it with parents, thinking everyone else just dreads interacting with their demons?” She punched his shoulder and he grimaced. </p><p>“Ow, that hurt.” </p><p>“Oh, you’re a big boy, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Dresenda said, shaking her head. “Get out of here, go have fun, I’m gonna go corrupt your child.” </p><p>“Yeah, good luck with that,” Lorcan said, calling out a good-bye to his son who raced back towards him, his face stricken.</p><p>“<em>Até</em>!” Lorcan crouched and hugged Kohana, swearing he died when the little one hugged him tight and pressed his cheek against Lorcan’s shoulder.<em> “Bye-bye, até.” </em></p><p><em>“Bye-bye, prince,” </em>he said, brushing back Kohana’s long hair and kissing his forehead. <em>“Be good for D, yeah?” </em></p><p>“Mm-hmm. D told me we could watch a movie!” The two adults chuckled at his obvious anticipation. “Love you.” </p><p>“Love you too, K-Man.” Kohana stretched up on his toes to leave a little peck on Lorcan’s cheek before he spun away and reached for Dresenda. “Have fun, D.” </p><p>“You too.” Dresenda and Kohana stayed on the porch as he walked away, waving the entire time. </p><p>When he got in his truck, his phone rang and he connected it to the car speaker so he could drive. “Ro, what’s up?” </p><p>“Where are you?” </p><p>“Gods, man, can you calm down? I’m dropping off my child, I’ll be there soon,” Lorcan said, rolling his eyes. “Why’re you so jumpy?” </p><p>“‘Cause I really like this girl and Fen’s fuckin’ AWOL, L!” </p><p>“Ok, stop yelling, I’m driving to his house right, now, geeze.” </p><p>“Wait, are you driving? Why are you on the phone—” </p><p>“Calm down, <em>daddy</em>, it’s hands-free,” Lorcan said, laughing through the sentence. </p><p>“Don’t call me that.”</p><p>“Then please remove your dick from my ass.” </p><p>Rowan groaned in frustration, “Mala fucking fry me, can you just pick up that fuckhead and get here faster?” </p><p>“Anything for my daddy.” </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>“Bye,” Lorcan crooned, “I love you.” </p><p>“Fuck off,” Rowan snarled. Lorcan waited patiently. “...iloveyoutoo.” </p><p>Lorcan laughed and hung up, slowing down in front of Fenrys’ house, where the golden-haired man was already waiting outside. When Lorcan honked his horn, he looked up from his phone and smiled, jogging out to the truck. “You ready to meet this chick?” </p><p>There was a smile Lorcan didn’t trust on his face and he gave Fenrys a suspicious look as he drove. “Yeah, I guess. I’m happy for him.” </p><p>“Well, me too,” Fenrys declared, still grinning. </p><p>“You’re freaking me out, what’s with the smile, Fen?” </p><p>“Nah, it’s nothing. Just excited, is all.” </p><p>“Alright,” Lorcan said, still wary. “Do you know any of her friends besides Mi?” </p><p>“Nossir. Ay, look at that, we’re here!” He was out of the car before Lorcan had parked the truck and stepped out, grabbing his beat-up jean jacket. Fenrys was waiting a metre away and waited for Lorcan before they stalked over to the pub’s entrance, where Rowan, Connall, and Vaughan were waiting.</p><p>“Finally, you’re here,” Rowan said, relief flooding his face. </p><p>“Hellas, you really like this girl, huh?” </p><p>Even under the darkness of the fall evening, they all saw Rowan’s cheeks flush as he ducked his head, “Yeah. I do.” </p><p>Fenrys jumped onto Lorcan’s back, “Well, then let’s meet her! Sooner I can tell her the story, the better!” They walked into the pub, Lorcan easily carrying Fenrys. </p><p>Time slowed as Rowan began threatening him into silence over a stupid and humiliating story from college, as Lorcan’s eyes landed on the corner booth where Nehemia sat and right next to her… Elide Lochan. </p><p>He was frozen in his spot, his mouth dropping open for which seemed like his new thing around her, gawking. Lorcan was going to kill Fenrys. Maybe Nehemia too. </p><p>Probably having felt his gaze on her, Elide turned her head, an irritated expression on her face that faded into shock, closely followed by fury when Nehemia giggled and waved at him. Seeing her hit Nehemia’s arm with the back of her hand had Lorcan snapping out of his shock and dropping Fenrys unceremoniously, tersely telling Rowan to shut the fuck up. “Are you <em>fucking </em>kidding me, Fenrys?” </p><p>“What are you- oh, I see you saw Elide, hmm?” </p><p>“How long have you known,” Lorcan accused him, balling his hands into fists. “Fenrys.” </p><p>“Known what?” Connall asked, looking between his twin and Lorcan, who looked two seconds away from bashing Fenrys’ teeth in. </p><p>“The girl next to Nehemia is Kohana’s teacher. And I slept with her.”</p><p>Everyone waited with unimpressed expressions as Fenrys sighed, “Since poker night. Mia was out with her and pieced it together.” </p><p>Lorcan’s hackles raised and his fists twitched, his knuckles practically aching for the burst of pain when they collided with a face. Instead, he shoved Fenrys’ chest, making him stagger back a step. “You can’t fucking do that, Fenrys. What were you even trying to do?” He shook his head and didn’t wait for Fenrys’ response before he was grabbing Connall and Vaughan, dragging them to the bar. </p><p>“I’ll talk to him,” Connall said as they ordered drinks. “You know he ain’t mean nothing by it, bro.” </p><p>He did know that, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t feel manipulated or puppeteered. Lorcan just nodded vaguely and knocked back a shot and grumbled, “Let’s get this shit over with.” </p><p>He did feel a twinge of remorse as he watched the myth herself, Aelin, launch out of the booth to hug Rowan. Vaughan clapped him over the shoulder, whispering in their mother tongue,<em> “Just give it a try, huh? You liked her enough to talk to her for at least three drinks.”</em> </p><p>Lorcan rounded on his cousin,<em> “You’re on his side?” </em></p><p><em>“No,”</em> Vaughan placated,<em> “but it’s Fenrys. Boyo thinks he’s the second coming of fucking Lumas or some shit. He’s a romantic.” </em></p><p>
  <em>“He’s a fucking busyody.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Whatever. You coming or nah?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Elide was watching in amusement as Aelin babbled on and on, clearly nervous as she sipped from her drink. Nehemia exchanged a weird look with Nesryn and Elide, raising her brows towards the chattering blonde. </p><p>“So,” Elide stated, interrupting Aelin’s rambling. “What are his friends like, Mia?” </p><p>Nehemia’s eyes twinkled with something Elide couldn’t read, “Oh, they’re nice I suppose. Very rowdy, very loud. All pretty boys, very nice to look at, Elide.” </p><p> She rolled her eyes and looked to the door when a group of loud men tumbled in. Elide recognized one of them immediately, as well as the dark-skinned man on his back. Lorcan. Carrying Fenrys.</p><p>Life froze and Elide watched Lorcan’s mouth drop open. His eyes flicked to the side and she followed his gaze to find Nehemia waving. “Oh my fucking gods, are you <em>serious</em>, Nehemia? Lorcan?” </p><p>Nehemia smiled serenely, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” </p><p>“You so do! I saw you waving at him, what the fuck?” She smacked Nehemia’s arm with the back of her hand. </p><p>“Girl, come on,” Nehemia said, nudging her, “it’s kind of funny.” </p><p>Elide scowled, “You know, it really isn’t. Not telling me that the guy I slept with, who also happens to be the father of one of my students, is also your husband’s friend? And Aelin’s boyfriend’s friend too?” </p><p>Nesryn’s eyes widened, but Aelin didn’t notice anything as she jumped out of the booth and ran to meet a silver-haired man. Nehemia slipped out to greet Fenrys and Nesryn moved to sit next to Elide. “You don’t have to talk to him, you know. I’ll ignore him with you,” she offered, smiling when Elide chuckled and leaned into her side. </p><p>“Thanks, but I should probably be an adult and be polite. It’s not like he’s dying to talk to me either.” </p><p>“El, Nes! Come meet everyone,” Aelin called, beckoning them over with eyes that read:<em> If you don’t come over right now I will gut you two. </em></p><p>Rolling their eyes, they tossed back the rest of their drinks and stood up, walking over to the rest of the group. Lorcan caught her eyes and nodded once, acknowledging the awkwardness of the scenario. Elide relaxed a bit as Aelin pulled her to her side. “Hey, I’m Elide, Ae’s little sister,” she said, sticking her hand out to Rowan. “It’s nice to meet you.” </p><p>Rowan looked nervous as well and his eyes darted around the group, mainly telling some sort of message to his friends before he took her hand and smiled, “I’m Rowan, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Fenrys coughed and smirked, but Nehemia swiftly elbowed him. “It’s nice to meet you too.” </p><p>Introductions were made all around and the larger group moved back to the booth. Elide and Lorcan both scowled at Nehemia and Fenrys, respectively, when the meddling couple forced them together, making them sit side by side. Nehemia mouthed, <em>Talk to him!</em></p><p>Sighing, Elide mustered up all her willpower and turned to Lorcan, “So what is it that you do? I’ve been wondering - you’re always covered in grease and wear overalls a lot.” </p><p>Lorcan loosed a chuckle and drank some of his whiskey, “I’m a mechanic. I work at the same shop as Ansel and Fenrys.” At the mention of Fenrys’ name, they both frowned for a split second, but after, they were visibly more comfortable. </p><p>Elide hummed and accepted the Manhattan Nehemia slid her way in apology with a forgiving smile and a slight eye roll in response to her friend’s triumphant smile and not-so-subtle eyebrow wiggle. “I admit I’ve been confused about something else.” </p><p>He rose a brow in question and looked down at her. She flashbacked to the fateful night and felt her cheeks heat. “Yes?” </p><p>“How old are you,” she blurted, thankful for the other conversations at the table so that no one would hear her bumbling words. “It’s just- you look so young and you have a kid, too.” </p><p>Chuckling, he said, “Haven’t you ever heard it’s rude to ask someone their age?” Elide rolled her eyes and jabbed his side with her elbow. “Hey, ow, I bruise easy,” Lorcan joked. She rolled her eyes again. “Fine, fine, got married the summer after highschool to the love of my life and she got pregnant a couple months after we graduated university. I’m twenty-five. How old are you?” </p><p>“Twenty-four,” she said, running her finger over the rim of her glass. “What’d you go to university for?” </p><p>“Mechanical engineering. Got a job at a firm and realized I hated it so I got a job at Malakai’s. Been there ever since.” </p><p>“Are you any good?” </p><p>He looked quizzically at her, nodding. “Yeah, I’m good at what I do. Why?” </p><p>Elide waved her hand vaguely, “I just moved here and I have a vintage VW that’s prone to throwing temper tantrums and breaking down on me. I’ve been meaning to look for someone since I’ll be driving more ‘cause it’s getting colder now.” </p><p>Lorcan bobbed his head and turned to Fenrys, “Marama, you got a business card on you?” </p><p>Fenrys perked up and opened his mouth to say something that would no doubt irritate both Lorcan and Elide. Thankfully, Nehemia deterred him and he passed one over. “Yeah, here you go.” </p><p>Lorcan took it and fished a pen out of his jacket, scribbling something on the back of the smooth paper. He handed it to her, tapping the back with a long finger, “Call whenever you need to.” </p><p>It was a number with his name beneath it. Elide traced it with the tip of her now-clear with iridescent butterflies acrylic before putting it in the back pocket of her tight jeans, smiling easily at him. “Thanks. I’m probably due for an oil change soon, so you’ll get to meet Betsy soon.” </p><p>“You call your VW ‘Betsy’?” </p><p>Elide laughed and nodded, “Yeah, what do you call your truck?” </p><p>“<em>I </em>don’t call my truck anything, the K-Man on the other hand…” Lorcan trailed off and shook his head. It had to come up eventually, the subject of Kohana. Less awkward than she thought it’d be. “He has a name for it.” </p><p>“Oh really? And what’s that?” </p><p>“Fillmore.” </p><p>Elide choked on her mouthful of alcohol, laughing incredulously. “Like the hippie van in <em>Cars</em>?” </p><p>Lorcan winced and nodded, “The exact one.” He smiled at her laughter and didn’t see the looks exchanged by their table mates. </p><p>They chatted easily, like that same night, but there wasn’t anything expected or alluded to. Just talking, no big deal. </p><p>Her drink was soon empty, as was his, and they both stood up from the booth to get another. Elide walked ahead of him and he unashamedly drank in her curves wrapped in blue jeans and a tight black top, exposing the ink on her back as well as the delicate laurel leaves on her collarbones. </p><p>He admired the coiled wyvern taking up most of the space on her back, recognizing the decidedly Frozen Wastes and Ironteeth influence in the artwork. The last time he’d seen her skin, he hadn’t exactly been focused on her tattoos, but thinking back on it now, he should’ve been. It was stunning, just like the rest of her. </p><p>Oh fucking hell, those drinks must’ve been stronger than he’d thought because there was no way his sober mind would’ve thought that. </p><p>Elide leaned against the bar and Hellas save him, he should’ve had more self control than to stare at her ass for as long as he did. </p><p>A group of college boys passed between him and Elide, separating them for a few moments, just long enough for some skinny kid to walk up behind Elide and put his hand on her lower back. </p><p>Lorcan stiffened, his grip on his empty glass tightening, as she did too. After the guy said a few words, she laughed and spun to the side, leaning back against her elbows. “L, baby?” </p><p>She had a look in her eyes, one Lorcan knew better than to mess with so he walked up to her, a small smile on his lips. “Yeah?” </p><p>“Will you buy me a drink?” she asked, pouting and batting her lashes as she glued herself to his side, fitting under his arm. “Pretty please?” </p><p><em>Go with it,</em> her eyes said and he obliged her, a hand fitting perfectly on her waist. “Whatever my girl wants.” </p><p>“Oh, I’m- sorry, I didn’t know,” the other guy said, not that they were focusing on him any longer. Elide didn’t even notice when he’d left, but Lorcan did and he semi-reluctantly stepped away, putting that distance back between them.</p><p>“So what about that drink, Salvaterre?”</p><p>Lorcan laughed deeply, nodding in confirmation. “Yeah, you know what you want, kid?” Elide did not care for <em>that </em>nickname one bit. </p><p><em>I do know what I want, </em>she thought to herself. And it wasn’t any damned <em>drink.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i would characterize this chapter as.....a very fun time, as the youths say</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“I want a story, please.” <br/></em>
</p><p>Lorcan smiled down at his son, who was sitting between his legs. It was almost eight - the time Kohana usually fell asleep at - and they were almost done with his routine. Kohana was all about routines, but Lorcan had noticed he’d begun to loosen a bit.</p><p>He would easily settle for Cheerios if they didn’t have his regular cornflakes, instead of making big, sad eyes and pouting as he glumly ate at the island. If Lorcan had to work later than usual, Kohana would happily jump in the car with Esther or Nehemia and he wouldn’t ask every minute when Lorcan was picking him up. </p><p><em>“Yeah, baby. Which one do you want?” </em>Kohana sat in silence for a bit, contemplating as Lorcan braided his hair for him, like he did every night. Though their people often cut their hair out of respect for the passing of a life, as Lorcan had when it had been Essar's time, Kohana hadn’t yet been a year old and Lorcan chose to let his son’s locks remain uncut. </p><p>
  <em>“<a href="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.legendsofamerica.com/na-whitebuffalo/&amp;sa=D&amp;ust=1593125441724000&amp;usg=AFQjCNEvyj11_4XUianUzghmbCUFtL5RZQ">Ptesan-Wi</a>, até.” </em>
</p><p>The story of the White Buffalo Calf Woman was Kohana’s favourite and he asked for that one most of the time. Lorcan kissed the crown of his head and smiled, tying off the end of Ko’s braid with an elastic.</p><p>
  <em>“Long ago, two young hunters were out when they came across a beautiful young woman dressed in white buckskin…” </em>
</p><p>The story was of how the people lost their ability to communicate with the Creator, who sent the woman to teach them how to pray with the sacred bundle. After she had shown them the way, she left, transforming into a white buffalo and walking away. It was said that she would return in a time of abundance and plenty. </p><p>When the story was finished, Kohana turned and nestled against Lorcan’s side, <em>“I like that story.” </em></p><p><em>“Me too,”</em> Lorcan said quietly, reaching over to turn off the light. He would just stay until Kohana fell asleep, it wouldn’t hurt to just close his eyes. The weight of his son on his chest was a comforting one and sleep beckoned to him but he wouldn’t. Not the entire night, his body would curse him tomorrow for falling asleep in a kindergartener’s bed. </p><p>Just for a bit… </p><p> </p><p>The bell had rung five minutes ago and her class was finally settling down. Elide looked over the little desks and spied Esther looking glum by herself at her and Kohana’s desk. Her friend was missing as of now, but Elide was sure he was just late. </p><p>If one looked at Esther, they would have assumed she’d been told the worst news in the history of the world, her pale green eyes filling with tears as her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. Elide stood from her desk and walked over to Esther, saying hello to the other children on her way. “Esther, is something wrong?” </p><p>“Ko-Ko isn’t here. I miss him,” she whispered, turning her eyes on the door and sniffling. “He did not tell me he was not coming today.” </p><p>Elide chuckled quietly and crouched, “I think he’s running a little bit late today. Why don’t we look at our folders to see what we would like to show our parents later today, ok?” She pulled a tissue from her mini pack and handed it to Esther, who took it and wiped her eyes. </p><p>“I’m excited for that,” Esther said, finally a grin showing on her face, the freckles on her face stretching. </p><p>“Me too,” Elide said, dusting off the material of her rust-coloured silk slip dress. She stood just as two little feet pattered into the classroom and Esther gasped. </p><p>“Ko-Ko!” Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth. “Quiet time.” </p><p>Elide laughed again, all of her students were just so itty bitty and precious, “It’s ok, Esther. I know you were excited.” She turned around and sure enough, there Kohana stood, a serious look on his face that morphed into a smile at Esther. “Good morning, Kohana.” </p><p>“Hi-hi. ‘m gonna put my stuff in my cubby.” </p><p>“That sounds like a plan,” she said, motioning for him to go ahead. Looking to the doorway, she saw Lorcan leaning against the doorframe, a bright look in his eyes though his face remained impassive. Elide walked over to him, maneuvering around the chattering kindergarteners showing each other what they were going to showcase later tonight at the Parent-Teacher conferences.</p><p>While Elide had a folder for each kid with progress reports and the like, she wanted her students to show their guardians something they were proud of - be it a drawing, an assignment they did well on or anything else. One kid had asked her if she could show her parents how she learned to do her zipper up all by herself and Elide had been delighted. Zippers were hard for their little hands. </p><p>“Sleep in today?” </p><p>Lorcan smiled, nodding as he shoved his hands in the pockets of yet another pair of thick painter pants. “Yeah, the alarm didn’t go off and K isn’t a fan of waking up.” He tilts his head to the side, one of his hands reaching up to massage his trap, his face twisting in discomfort. “I don’t recommend sharing a kid’s sized bed with a blanket hog.” </p><p>Elide laughed and turned on the toes of her pointed-toe pumps - white to match the t-shirt she had on underneath her dress - to keep an eye on her class as she and Lorcan conversed for a moment. It was as if the tension had dissipated. She wouldn’t say it wasn’t there but it was definitely… not the same as it had been, especially after the night out with their friends. They chatted for a bit, mainly about the meeting after school and the plan for the day. </p><p>Once Kohana emerged from the cubby room and sat down next to Esther, meticulously organizing his little desk, Lorcan bid the class and Elide a good-bye before sauntering off. Elide was most certainly not distracted by how good he looked in a black shirt that stretched across his shoulders and navy blue pants that framed his ass quite nicely. She definitely wasn’t staring until one of her students tugged on her skirt and then she noticed that they were all waiting for her. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, I’m gonna head out,” Lorcan said, popping his head into Malakai’s office. “I got that meeting at Ko’s school in a bit.” </p><p>Malakai nodded, “Sounds good. You’re not working tomorrow, right?” </p><p>Lorcan’s chest tightened. Tomorrow was the anniversary of Essar’s death and every year, he and Kohana would visit her grave and spend the day doing various things. It was Kohana’s year to choose. It was a tradition. “Yep.” </p><p>His boss looked up at him, something sad in his eyes. “Alright. Have fun.” </p><p>Lorcan nodded and saluted a good-bye, walking out to his truck and ignoring everyone else. The weight of his wedding band on the silver chain he wore had never been heavier and he drove in silence to the school. </p><p>After he parked, he hopped out and walked over to the playground, where Illias said he was watching Esther and Kohana. He checked the time on his phone and walked quicker. As he approached the playground, he spotted Kohana in the sandbox, squatting as he patted a sandcastle with the back of his shovel. Esther was jumping around - he was insanely jealous of her energy levels - and careful to not smoosh any of their buildings. </p><p>“Hey, Illias,” Lorcan said, smiling at the quiet man. </p><p>Illias smiled calmly and nodded once, his sea green eyes bright. Kohana and Esther saw Lorcan before he could say anything and came toddling over, their hands sandy and dirty. </p><p>“Dad! Hi! Hi!” </p><p>Lorcan smiled at Kohana, brushing back the hair that had escaped his braid. “Hi, K-Man. Are you ready for the meeting?” </p><p>“Yeppity-yep-yep-yep!” He was hopping around with Esther, the two of them giggling. </p><p>“We gotta get going then, can you say bye-bye to Essie and Illias?” </p><p>Kohana nodded vigorously, “Bye-bye, Essie! Bye-bye, Illias!” </p><p>“Good-bye, Kohana,” Illias said, smiling serenely down at Kohana as Esther climbed up on the bench beside him, holding up her arms. </p><p>“Bye-bye, Ko-Ko!” </p><p>Lorcan picked Kohana up and he and Esther waved to each other as Lorcan walked away<em>. “Dad, I have so much to show you, so much. I made a drawing for you and for Mama too,”</em> his voice quieted as he mentioned Essar. <em>“We going to see Mama tomorrow, right?” </em></p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, baby, we’re going to go see Mama tomorrow.” </em>
</p><p><em>“I miss her.”</em> Kohana rested his head on Lorcan’s shoulder. <em>“I want her back.”</em> He hadn't even been one when Essar had died. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to meet her, to remember her other than a blurry image. </p><p>Lorcan’s throat tightened and he coughed, <em>“Me too.” </em></p><p>
  <em>“Do you think Mama will like my drawing?” </em>
</p><p><em>“I think she’ll love it,”</em> Lorcan said, opening the school’s door and walking down the hallway. <em>“What did you draw?”</em> </p><p><em>“Dad,” </em>Kohana sternly admonished Lorcan, his brows lowered.<em> “I can’t tell you what I drawed for Mama! That’s not for you.” </em></p><p>Stifling his laugh, Lorcan nodded, frowning seriously. <em>“So silly of me to ask. Do I get to see what you drew for me?” </em></p><p><em>“Yup! Can I get down now?</em>” He kicked out his legs until Lorcan put him down and raced on ahead to his classroom, waiting at the door. Lorcan huffed a dry chuckle and walked quicker at Kohana’s eye roll. “Hi-hi, Elide!” </p><p>Lorcan heard her respond and then she poked her head out, smiling at Lorcan. “Well, hey there. Y’all ready?” Elide, bless her, grabbed a wipe and efficiently ridded Kohana’s chunky little hands of sand and dirt.</p><p>“Yeah, let’s do this, K-Man.” </p><p>“Ok! Come-come, I’ll show you,” Kohana grabbed Lorcan’s hand and tugged him in, “Sit down, Dad. Sit-sit.” He did as told, way too big for the little chair. </p><p>Kohana began to babble as he opened his folder and showed all the drawings he’d done.  Lorcan looked at them, smiling at every single one of them. Kohana explained them all, pointing it all out to Lorcan. </p><p>It took ten minutes to look through his work and Kohana talked the entire time. Lorcan was floored, he’d never heard Kohana talk this much. </p><p>“<em>Ok, now I’m done, Dad.” </em></p><p><em>“Good job, kid. Those were really good,”</em> Lorcan said, smiling with soft eyes. “I really like them.” </p><p>
  <em>“Thank you. I’m gonna go to the mushrooms now and look at the bear book, ok?” </em>
</p><p><em>“Ok.” </em>Elide and Lorcan chuckled and he stood up, easily transitioning to the common tongue so Elide could understand, “Have fun, me and Elide are gonna go talk for a bit.” </p><p>Kohana nodded absentmindedly as he trailed away while Elide and Lorcan went to sit at her desk. Elide looked fondly at Kohana as he opened the book and silently looked through the pages. “So,” she began, sitting down in her wheeled chair as Lorcan sat down on an adult-sized chair. “Kohana.” </p><p>“Yes. Kohana.” </p><p>“He’s doing really well, really,” she said, opening up a binder and flipping through the alphabetized sections to Kohana’s, where she had a lined paper with neat notes written. “He’s been slow to socialize, but he’s getting there. I think that’s the only area he’s struggling with.” </p><p>“He’s always been quiet, but…” Lorcan trailed off, not sure how he should bring up Essar. He was sure Elide had already figured it out, but he hadn’t spoken it aloud. </p><p>Elide nodded, her eyes becoming saddened. “I thought so. Esther’s been working her hardest to get him to open up and I think it’s starting to work out.” They both chuckled at the mention of Esther, the bubbly girl who made friends with almost everyone she met, but was fiercely loyal to Kohana. “Here’s some of his work,” she passed over some of his work, letting Lorcan look over them. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Dad, I’m gonna go wait with Fillmore, ok?” </em>
</p><p><em>“Ok, bud.”</em> Kohana ran off, scurrying down the hallway to their truck. Elide and Lorcan watched him go, smiling at the sight. When he reached the end, he stopped suddenly and turned around. </p><p>“Bye-bye, Elide!” </p><p>She chuckled and waved, “Bye, Kohana! See you later!” With that, Kohana slammed the doors open and ran along. “I’ll go get his stuff for you.” Lorcan and Elide turned back into the class to walk into the cubby, both gathering his things. </p><p>Lorcan dropped something and they both kneeled to grab it, their fingers brushing. Elide paused at the same time that he did and barely noticed it when the rest of the things she was holding dropped from her hands. </p><p>They were barely breathing, their eyes locked as they slowly, carefully standing. Elide wasn’t sure who moved first before her arms were around his neck and they were kissing, his hands gripping her waist. </p><p>Elide bit his bottom lip, flicking over the slight sting with her tongue as her hands slid into his hair. “Lorcan,” she breathed, moaning softly as he pulled her tightly against him.</p><p>She tugged on his hair as he pulled his lips away from hers and trailed them down her throat to the place that he knew drove her crazy. Anneith save her, she was about to lose control in five, four, three, two- “Wait, stop.” </p><p>Lorcan pulled away, looking at her through hooded eyes. “What’s wrong?” Fuck, she just wanted to kiss him again but she couldn’t. He sensed her hesitation and stepped away, their chests rising and falling raggedly. </p><p>Elide stepped back, startling as she bumped into the wall, her body prickling at the loss of body contact. “We can’t do this. It’s wrong, I’m your son’s teacher.” She hugged herself, shaking her head. “We shouldn’t.” </p><p>Lorcan swallowed, nodding as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “You’re right. I’ll, um, I’ll just…” </p><p>“Yeah. It’s… it’s fine. We can just… forget.” She refused to look at him, her face flushing. “This. We can forget this.” </p><p>“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry, I–” </p><p>“Oh, no, you don’t have to apologize, we can just… forget.” </p><p>“It’s forgotten.” </p><p>They both fell silent, waiting around awkwardly until another parent knocked on the door, “Hello?” </p><p>“I’m gonna… go. With the parent,” Elide said, smoothing down her dress as she turned and walked out, speaking brightly. “Hey there!” </p><p>Elide showed the couple whose names she couldn’t recall for the life of her to the desk, letting them sit down. </p><p>Neither Lorcan or Elide looked at each other as he walked out and Elide didn’t know why she felt the urge to cry, to sob really. She couldn’t figure it out for the life of her why it felt like it wasn’t supposed to be like this - like they’d just barely missed each other, both just going on with their lives. What an ordinary ending for something that was so obviously not.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ummm u kno wut, maybe it is not actually fun, fresh, or cool! maybe it is in fact not fun, stale, and warm? anyhoozles.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rolling hills, bright with vibrant green grass and dotted with squares of various rocks, went on forever. It was silent - a respectful quiet for what everyone went there for. </p><p>Lorcan carried a subdued Kohana, who held his favourite stuffed hippo - named Robert - tightly in one hand and sucked on his thumb. It was an old habit that seldom arose. Father and son recognized some of the regulars they shared this day with. Son chose to hide his face in his father’s shoulder while father nodded a tight greeting, grief clear in the lines of his body. </p><p>A short while later, Lorcan set Kohana down and they walked hand in hand through the neat rows of meticulously cared for headstones until they reached a black stone one, a bouquet of dark red peonies already resting atop of it. </p><p>That was something that Lorcan had liked when he was… researching cemeteries. What a cruel and twisted thing, so morbid. But Lorcan had liked this one. They cleaned the headstones all once a week and left a bouquet of flowers on them when the anniversaries came along. She had always loved peonies, loved how fluffy they were. Her absolute favourites were the <em>tiare </em>blossoms of her home, but the tropical blooms were rare in the cold climate of northern Terrasen. </p><p>Kohana dropped Lorcan’s hand and ran the last few steps, sitting down cross-legged on the plush grass. Lorcan remained a little while away, turning around so Kohana could have his own time. </p><p>His ears picked up the melodic tongue of her home that tumbled so effortlessly from their son’s mouth. Lorcan wanted to cry, so unbelievably thankful for his son - for having the ability to speak that language. Both of theirs. It was a blessing, truly. Eventually, Kohana came running back, telling Lorcan he was going to go exploring. </p><p>He began to roam, not too far and always in sight after Lorcan told him to keep off the other headstones. It took a deep breath and the feeling of his wedding band on his left hand for Lorcan to take those last few steps and sit down, picking at the grass. </p><p>He didn’t say a word for a long time, just reading the engravings. </p><p>
  <em>August 30, 1995 - October 15, 2016</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Beloved Mother. Wife. Sister. Friend. </em>
</p><p>Her entire life, twenty-one years summed up in five fucking words. </p><p>Lorcan’s eyes welled up and he reached his hand out, tracing her name. <em>Essar Tangaroa. </em></p><p>With a smile, his tears spilling down his cheeks, he whispered, in his less-than perfect Bogdano, <em>“Hey, babe. I miss you.”</em> He sniffed, looking down at his hands. <em>“Ko misses you too. So do Fen, Con, V, Ro… Mia too. Everyone. Emrys made your favourites.”</em> He pulled out a pastry bag from the canvas tote he’d brought, filled with things to occupy their child.<em> “Oatmeal raisin. Still don’t get how on earth you like oatmeal and raisin, but I guess that’ll be one of life’s many mysteries, huh?” </em></p><p>He caught her up on everything, stumbling when he got to the topic of Elide. Turning his wet eyes to the skies, Lorcan said, <em>“I know you’re laughing right now. You’ve always delighted in my misery. You’d like her and I bet you’re insanely jealous she slept with my dumb ass cause she’s completely your type.”</em> Lorcan laughed and almost ducked to avoid the hand Essar would’ve no doubt slapped upside his head, but it didn’t come. </p><p>That sobered him and he straightened, tears still steadily falling. <em>“She’s really good for Ko. And Esther, that girl is the best. Still the same bubbly little kid she always was. She and Ko are ‘bestest friends ever’. Oh, you know what’s the fucking weirdest shit ever?”</em> Nobody replied and Lorcan wasn’t sure if he’d been waiting for it.<em> “Rowan’s dating this girl named Aelin - perfect for each other and I hate it when they’re happy but whatever - and guess who her sister is? Yeah, fucking Elide!” </em></p><p><em>“Até! Bad word! No bad words,” </em>scolded Kohana, frowning fiercely as he stomped over and sat himself in Lorcan’s lap, in the cradle Lorcan’s criss-cross-applesauce legs made.<em> “Hi, Mama. I would like you to come back, please.” </em>Kohana’s voice wavered and he sniffled. <em>“Please, come back. I want my mama back.” </em></p><p>The lump regrew in Lorcan’s throat and he used every gram of willpower in his body, willing himself not to cry as Kohana started to, his small frame shaking with the force of it. Lorcan could only discern ‘come back’ through Kohana’s sobs and he hugged the little one closer, feeling his child turn in his arms and cry into his hoodie.<em> “I just want mama back.” </em></p><p><em>“I know, baby.”</em> He kissed the top of Ko’s head, rubbing his back as he quieted, only hiccupping now. </p><p><em>“Mama’s never coming back.”</em> It was a statement, just a fact. <em>“I don’t like that.”</em> </p><p>Lorcan found it in himself to smile, whispering, <em>“I don’t like it either.” </em></p><p>They remained there for a while, eventually joined by a handful of people. Dresenda walked up, taking Kohana into her arms. Lorcan watched them interact, watched his son’s eyes grow misty and watched as he ran back to Lorcan, asking if they could go now. He said yes, waiting as Kohana said good-bye to Essar. </p><p>Kohana turned and waved shyly, then he turned back to Lorcan and away they went. The five-year old was passed out by the time Lorcan had carried him to the truck and buckled him in. Lorcan drove in silence away from the cemetery, making his way back to the main roads and away, hating that it felt like every time he came here that he was leaving a new shred of his heart with her. </p><p> </p><p>The bell for lunch rang and Elide herded her little students to the cubby room, telling them that even though it was sunny today, it was still a bit chilly and they needed to grab their jackets and coats. </p><p>Esther needed help tugging her wool sweater over her curly-haired head but other than that, everyone was ready to go. Despite the absence of Kohana, his bestest friend seemed to be in a relatively alright mood as she raced outside with a good-bye shouted over her shoulder. The others quickly followed her, all clambering to be first outside. </p><p>Sighing, Elide turned back to get her phone as Nehemia popped her head inside. “Ready for lunch?” </p><p>“You know it,” Elide replied, getting her long wool coat and slipping her arms through the sleeves. “Where do you want to eat?” </p><p>The school that they worked at was located in a quiet pocket of downtown Orynth, which meant that they had plenty of options within walking distance. Nehemia hummed in consideration, “I don’t know, I’m really craving something hot. Maybe a sandwich too.” </p><p>“Ooh, that sounds good,” Elide said, shivering slightly as they walked outside and were hit with a gust of chilly wind. “Do you want to just go to the cafe, then?” </p><p>Nehemia nodded, waving at a few of her students, “Yeah, that sounds good.” She looped her arm through Elide’s and tucked herself in closer. “Gods, it’s freezing.” </p><p>Elide laughed, “It’s barely even fall, Mia. You’ve lived here for years, how are you not used to it!” </p><p>“I’m a delicate Eyllwe blossom, I can’t be out here in this weather,” Nehemia pouted. </p><p>“Yeah, you need your big strong man to warm you up.”</p><p>Nehemia wiggled her brows, smiling wickedly, “Oh, in more ways than one, my dearest.” She cackled as Elide made a face and shook her head. </p><p>“I really walked right into that one,” she grumbled, her face changing into a smile as she waved at Esther, who was occupying herself on the swings, going higher and faster with every pass. </p><p>“No Kohana today? Poor Esther,” Nehemia commented, catching the way Elide’s face fell. “What happened? Did you sleep with Lorcan again?” she joked, nudging Elide with her elbow. When Elide didn’t answer, Nehemia gasped, “You <em>did</em>?” </p><p>Elide shook her head, “No, but we kissed. In the gods-damned cubby.” </p><p>“When?” </p><p>“Last night. After the Parent-Teacher thing.” Elide rested her head on Nehemia’s shoulder. “I stopped it.” </p><p>“But you didn’t want to.” </p><p>“No, I didn’t want to.” They walked out of the school grounds, making their way down the sidewalk. “It… it just feels like we should’ve been more. I walked out and he walked out and it felt so… ordinary.” If she wanted any ending, it was harsh words and anger, after something long and true. Screaming, tears - anything was better than the two of them letting go.</p><p>Nehemia gave her a snug hug, “I’m sorry. But are you sure that was your ending? What’s stopping you from going for it?” </p><p>“Everything. We just can’t.” </p><p> </p><p>It was getting late and Kohana was barely awake. Lorcan pushed the plate of cut up pancakes his way, <em>“C’mon, just five bites, ok?” </em></p><p>Kohana sighed and put Robert, his stuffed hippo, to the side.<em> “Ok, Dad.” </em>Dresenda, sitting beside him in the corner booth, chuckled and wisely ate her own waffles, knowing Kohana would be quick to glare at her uneaten food. Kid’s got the best glare in the game, a fierce and menacing frown that no one would expect from such a sweetie. </p><p>They were sitting in an old diner, one they’d gone to for years - just Lorcan and Essar, and eventually Kohana too. They’d had a busy day after going to see Essar at around noon, then going to the beach where Kohana hunted for treasure. Dresenda had met up with them again, red-eyed as she played with Kohana and sat in silence with Lorcan. </p><p>Kohana munched on steadily, finishing his five bites before shoving the plate away.<em> “Done. All done.” </em></p><p>The two adults smiled and Dresenda gave him a high five, <em>“Good job, kiddo.” </em>Kohana giggled and babbled on as the adults finished their food, picking up Robert and playing around with him while Lorcan went to pay. </p><p>Kohana and Dresenda walked up to wait at the counter beside Lorcan as he settled the tab. <em>“Ready to go home, até,”</em> Kohana said sleepily, hugging his stuffy to his side with one arm as he rubbed his big brown eyes with his other fist. </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and picked him up, propping him on his side. <em>“Yeah, you had a big day today, huh?” </em></p><p>Nodding, Kohana rested his cheek on Lorcan’s shoulder and waved good-bye to Dresenda.<em> “Bye-bye, Dee-Dee.” </em></p><p><em>“See ya, kid,”</em> she quipped, giving a two-fingered salute as she walked out to her motorcycle and shortly after drove off into the night. </p><p> </p><p>“No no <em>no</em>,” Elide whined as her car started sputtering. “C’mon, girlie, we’re so close to home!” They weren’t - she’d gone to the good night market after her friend from college, Asterin, had called her during a twelve-hour layover on her way home to the Witch City. They’d gotten food from the stalls and spent a few hours catching up before parting ways. </p><p>It seemed her pleas weren’t enough and she turned her blinkers on as she turned onto the shoulder of the highway, cursing herself in Blackbeak. She sighed and waited until it was safe to get out of her car, walking to the trunk to get her toolkit. </p><p>She walked back to the engine and leaned through her open window, popping the pedal for the hood. Rolling up her sleeves, she lifted the hood and put her hands on her hips, staring down at the engine. “Alright, Bets. What’s wrong?” </p><p>Elide felt a wave of heat coming off the engine, as well as a puff of steam, greater than it would normally be. She groaned in frustration and put her hair up, knowing it was the coolant reservoir leaking again. </p><p>With an old car like hers, it cracked a lot and Elide had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to patch it up and get on with it. “Oh, fuck it all!” she yelled, remembering that the only mechanic she knew was Lorcan. “I am <em>not </em>happy with you,” Elide hissed at her car, narrowing her eyes as she unzipped her toolkit and took out a pair of pliers to switch off the battery. “Don’t want to get electrocuted today, no sir.” </p><p>Elide got to work, making do with what she could just so she could get home. It was a Friday, which meant she would have the whole day tomorrow to bring Betsy in to the mechanic’s. </p><p>She was humming a song she’d been using in her classroom to teach boundaries, physical and otherwise - she couldn’t help it, they were ridiculously catchy, when a truck pulled off to the side. Elide froze, subtly grabbing the heaviest wrench she could and stepping out beside the driver’s door, just so she wouldn’t be caged in with nowhere to go. A hulking figure climbed out of the truck, “Hey. You ok?” </p><p>Oh, fuck it all. No, there was no way this was real right now. Elide scowled up at the skies, asking her gods, <em>What did I do to deserve this?</em> “Hi, Lorcan.” </p><p>He stopped, a hand lifting up to rub his brow, “Elide?” </p><p>“Yep. Coolant reservoir gave out again,” she said while gesturing with her wrench towards her car. Lorcan raised a brow at the too-large tool, approaching warily. Elide huffed a laugh, “I didn’t know who you were and I can’t take any chances. You know, being a woman and all.” </p><p>“I fucking hate men,” he said under his breath. “D’you mind if I take a look?” </p><p>“Please, be my guest,” she said, moving out of the way so he could see. Lorcan nodded and rolled up his sleeves and her mouth definitely did not water at the sight of his sinewy forearms, bronze skin marked with black tribal ink. </p><p>Elide leaned back against her door and crossed her arms, trying so hard to not blurt out why Kohana hadn’t been at school and why he hadn’t said a thing. Lorcan tinkered around for a few minutes and then stood up, wiping his hands on the rag she passed him. “I don’t think you should drive… Betsy, that’s her name, right?” </p><p>Laughing, Elide nodded and he smiled, “Ok, so, it’s not safe for you to drive her home, from the looks of it it’s been leaking for a while. I can, um, I can give you a ride home if you want.” </p><p>“Oh. Ok. Yeah, that’d be great,” she said, slowly packing up her things and grabbing her purse and keys. </p><p>“I’ll get the tow truck out here tomorrow and you can pop over tomorrow.” </p><p>“Perfect.” It was really anything but, but she could handle a half hour ride in an enclosed vehicle with him, right? That was a silly question, of course she could. She was an adult, so was he, they could be professional. </p><p>Lorcan led the way to his truck and, like a perfect gentleman, opened and closed her door for her. Elide looked around and saw Kohana seated in a booster seat, head rolled to the side as he slept. She had a feeling the only thing that was keeping him from falling to the floor was the seatbelt. He was so cute, his chubby cheeks rosy, his thick lashes brushing against his face. </p><p>Lorcan swung himself into his seat and turned the car on with his right hand, using his left to grab his seatbelt and click it into space. A flash of silver caught her attention and she turned her gaze to his left hand, noticing he was wearing a silver band on his ring finger. Elide remembered that band, recalled how it had hung from a chain during their one-night tryst. </p><p>He must’ve felt her staring as he let a car pass before pulling back onto the road. “Is there something wrong?” </p><p>Elide felt her cheeks flush at being caught and shook her head, “No, no, it’s, um, you didn’t wear your… ring. Before, you wore it on a chain.”</p><p>Stiffening slightly, Lorcan nodded, tight-lipped. “Yeah, I wear it on the anniversary. Of my wife’s passing.” He didn’t offer anymore than that and Elide felt her stomach drop. She shouldn’t have said anything. As if sensing that she was looking for a way to shove her foot in her mouth, Lorcan spoke again, “That’s why Ko wasn’t at school today - I told the office, but I guess they didn’t tell you?” </p><p>“No, they- they didn’t. I’m sorry for your loss,” she said, offering condolences. She knew how those words sounded, had heard them so often in the years following her parents’ death but… she truly meant them. “Really, I know how those words sound, but I mean them. No one deserves pain like that.” </p><p>They looked at each other, like recognizing like. A soft snort interrupted the moment and they both looked into the back, where Kohana was slowly waking up. He blinked, rubbing his wide eyes with his fist. Kohana startled when he saw Elide and smiled shyly, “Hi-hi.” </p><p>“Hey, Kohana. It’s nice to see you,” she said, waving at him. “How are you?” </p><p>“Sleepy,” he yawned, grabbing what appeared to be a stuffed hippopotamus. “This is Robert. He my hippo-po.” </p><p>Elide chuckled, “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Robert. Did you guys have a good day today?” </p><p>Kohana nodded slowly, his face growing sad, “Yup. Saw mama and auntie D and went to the beach. I hunted-ed for treasure.” </p><p>“Oh, wow, really? What did you find?” </p><p>“No treasure, but I sawed a jellyfish. Dad told me it was a moon one. It looked like see-through jello,” he told her, yawning once again. “Then we had pancakes at the diner.” </p><p>“Pancakes? I’m more of a waffles gal myself.” </p><p>“Dad too. He doesn’t like pancakes.” His eyes drooped and his head bobbed. Slowly, Kohana fell asleep again and snored gently. </p><p>Lorcan looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at the sight, asking Elide quietly, “So, what’s your address?” </p><p>“Oh, no, you should get Kohana to bed first. I can just get a cab or something from your place - it’s really no problem,” Elide insisted. Lorcan hesitated, but then he glanced back at Kohana and relented. </p><p>“Thanks, he’s had a full day,” he said, turning onto the exit and then to the street that would take them to his neighbourhood. </p><p>They fall into a semi-comfortable silence, listening to the radio. It wasn’t long before they pulled up in front of a quaint, two storey house. It had a porch that went along half of the front and wrapped onto the right side. The other half of the front was taken up by large bay windows and most of the other sides of the house had huge windows, no doubt letting the sun and natural light just spill in. </p><p>The yard was a decent size and well maintained, a gorgeous garden with every flower imaginable beneath the bay windows, a trellis with jasmine, she assumed, snaking up between the windows and the porch.</p><p>Elide climbed out of the truck and waited while Lorcan carefully gathered Kohana up in his arms, carrying the sleeping child up the front stairs. Kohana woke up and wiggled to be put down once they reached the front door. Lorcan unlocked the door and Kohana pushed it open, carefully taking off his shoes before running off inside to the open-floored area as Lorcan paused, turning to Elide. “Do you want… a drink or something?” </p><p>“Oh, sure. That’d be nice,” she said, nodding as Lorcan ushered her in. Elide took in her surroundings, the stairway directly to her right that went up and then turned to the left, disappearing to the next floor. She slipped off her shoes and looked at the living room and kitchen, taking in the lived-in space. It was cozy and warm here. </p><p>Kohana came pattering back, precariously holding a fluffy cat under its arms. The cat seemed to resentfully accept its fate and looked to Elide with a deadened expression. “Oh, um, hi! Who’s this, Kohana?” </p><p>“Tigger! He’s my kitty! Dad doesn’t like Tigger and Tigger doesn’t like Dad,” he informed her, bending his head down to kiss the top of Tigger’s head. “He was my mama’s kitty.” </p><p>Elide chuckled and approached the duo, “You know, I’m more of a dog person myself. But I love kitties as well.” She reached out and softly petted Tigger’s head. “What a nice kitty.” </p><p>Kohana nodded and smiled brightly, his cheeks dimpling. “He’s my bestest friend.” Elide smiled and startled as Kohana’s eyes widened and his mouth popped open. “Oh, no! No, <em>Essie’s</em> my bestest friend. Don’t tell her I said that, ok?” </p><p>Elide nodded seriously, “I promise.” </p><p>Kohana looked at her warily, shifting the cat to one arm. Good gods, Elide had to stifle the urge to take the cat away from him, Tigger looked like he was begging her for help. “Pinky promise?” Kohana asked, holding his pinky up.</p><p>Elide chuckled again and hooked her pinky around his, “Pinky promise, I won’t tell Esther.” </p><p>Lorcan, who had been watching the exchange with something fond and soft in his eyes, cut in, “Prince, why don’t you go put Tigger down and go get your PJ’s on, yeah?” </p><p>“Kay-Kay, <em>até</em>,” Kohana said, smiling sweetly before turning and speeding away to put Tigger down on one of the armchairs. They matched the black leather couch and were situated before the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf. </p><p>“He’s so cute,” Elide said, toying with the butterfly pendant on her necklace. Lorcan smiled, a genuine smile, and ducked his head. </p><p>“Thanks. He’s honestly my favourite person alive,” Lorcan said and they both walked in further, their arms bumping as they both moved at the same time. Elide let him go first and trailed behind him. The little one pushed past them on his way up to his room, going as quickly as he could. </p><p>Lorcan motioned for her to seat herself at the island bar as he went to the cupboard and got two glasses. “What can I get you?” </p><p>“Water’s fine,” she said, clasping her hands on the butcher block countertop. Lorcan nodded and opened the fridge to grab the pitcher of cold water, filling her glass to halfway and placing it before her. </p><p>“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he said, nodding once before he walked away. </p><p>Elide took her glass and stepped onto the floor, looking to snoop around. Her eyes went to the fireplace mantle, trailing over the framed photos. Most of them were of Kohana and Lorcan, as well as a smiling woman. Elide recognized the <em>ta moko*  </em>marking her lips and chin, the traditional body art of the Bogdano people.</p><p>She had the same light brown eyes as Kohana did and Lorcan always seemed to look at her with an awed expression. Utterly beautiful, she was a petite, raven-haired beauty with warm brown skin. She seemed like the sun incarnate. </p><p>Her attention was locked on one photo of the woman - her brow furrowed in concentration as she cut a wave in two, more traditional ink marking her outstretched arms, looking one with the sapphire blue waters on top of her board when two little feet padded down the stairs. “Elide?” </p><p>She turned and smiled at Kohana, “Hi, Kohana. I was looking at the pictures. Is this your mom?” </p><p>Kohana smiled brightly and nodded, running over to her side. “Yeah, that’s my momma.” He sat down on the thick carpet in front of the TV, opening the cupboard and dragging out a thick photo album. “More pit-churs in here. Come-come, sit-sit.” </p><p>Elide obliged him and sat down cross-legged next to him as he opened the album on his stretched out legs. “See, this is my <em>kōkara</em>. She’s not here anymore but she misses me and loves me very much, you know.” </p><p>She nodded, smiling as he gushed about his mother, pointing to all of the pictures. He talked and talked, until they had flipped to the last page, where there was a photo of Lorcan and the same sunshiny woman. Lorcan was carrying her on his back and she had her arms raised, her face tilted to the sun as she smiled. Lorcan was smiling too, his eyes crinkled against the sun. </p><p>“Mama’s favourite colour is blue, like the Oro sea. That’s where she did surfing,” Kohana told her, carefully closing the album and putting it away. He stood up, picking at the hem of his pajamas. They were pale blue with otters on them. “I miss my mama.” </p><p>Elide stood as well and grabbed her left wrist, rubbing her thumb over the raven tattoo she’d gotten for her mother. “I miss my mama too.” She felt someone’s gaze on her and turned around, spotting Lorcan leaning against the bookshelf, looking at her with something too heavy for her so she looked away. She’d never seen someone’s eyes hold that much depthless sadness. </p><p>She suddenly found the wood grain of the mantle very interesting as Lorcan said, “Ko, you ready for bed?” </p><p>“Yup!” Kohana ran off to Lorcan, launching himself into his father’s arms. “Night-night, Elide.” </p><p>That had her turning and offering what she hoped was a gentle smile. Off of her student’s confused expression, it was anything but. “Goodnight, Kohana. It’s pretty late, I should go.” </p><p>“Dad,” Kohana whispered, only it was way too loud and Elide graciously pretended she couldn’t hear him. “Can we have a sleepover? Like with Essie!” </p><p>It was out of her control when her head snapped up and Lorcan stiffened, looking at her dead in the eyes as he swallowed and said, his voice ragged, “No, Elide’s gonna sleep at her house. We’ll see her tomorrow, for her car, ok?” </p><p>“Oh. Ok. Bye-bye, Elide.” </p><p>“Bye, Kohana. Thank you for showing me,” Elide lamely gestured towards the closed cupboard and the photo album behind it. “It was nice.” </p><p>Kohana smiled, unaware of the awkwardness settling over them. Elide had never been more keenly aware of the amount of distance between her and another human. “See you tomorrow.” </p><p>She repeated the phrase as Lorcan carried him upstairs and Elide moved to the front door, quickly grabbing her things, putting on her jacket and slipping out the door after putting her shoes on. She couldn’t… she couldn’t deal with saying good-bye to Lorcan, for the umpteenth time. Every time she said it, he was shoved back into her life and this burgeoning feeling of friendly familiarity couldn’t happen anymore. </p><p>Lorcan was the parent of her student. Lorcan was her sister’s boyfriend’s brother. Lorcan was her mechanic. Lorcan was the guy she’d had a one night stand with. Emphasis on one night. </p><p>They were not friends, they were not lovers, they were nothing more than acquaintances. </p><p>Elide wiped away tears as she latched the front gate shut behind her and cursed herself for them. They were barely together. Nothing they did merited her tears. Or anyone’s, for that matter. </p><p>She was walking down the sidewalk when she heard a low voice call her name. “Elide.” </p><p>Despite the voice in her head that was telling her to keep her head down and keep walking, Elide turned, seeing Lorcan standing at the top of his front steps. “Yes?” Something akin to grief rippled through his dark irises and he swallowed once.</p><p>“Her name was Essar.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Ta Moko is the traditional tattooing of the Maori people!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...enjoy darlings</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad—”<br/></em>
</p><p><em>“</em><em>Ko, Hellas, kid, what,” </em>Lorcan groaned, rubbing his eyes as he rolled over onto his back. Kohana had snuck into his bed late last night and curled up on his chest to sleep. Lorcan hadn’t said a word, but he’d stayed awake for hours after, feeling his son’s tears drip onto his skin and the way Ko’s little frame shook. Of course, in the morning, Kohana was stretched out over the mattress, forcing his father to the edge of the bed with his vicious, subconscious kicks and pushes. </p><p>
  <em>“Can I have breakfast now?”</em>
</p><p>Lorcan sighed through his nose and looked at his clock,<em> “Man, it’s six am, go back to sleep.”</em> Kohana pouted and crossed his arms. He made his eyes big and wide, dipping his chin. <em>“It’s not even light outside, prince.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Pretty please?” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan narrowed his eyes at his son and Kohana pouted harder, faking a sniffle. <em>“Dude. That’s not even fair.” </em></p><p><em>“But I’m hungry, até,” </em>he whined. <em>“I want breakfast!”</em> He continued to pout and hold Lorcan’s eyes until he gave in and got up from bed. </p><p><em>“Alright, let’s go then,” </em>Lorcan conceded, rubbing his eyes again as he picked Kohana up and put him on his feet, herding his child downstairs. <em>“Whaddya want, K-Man?” </em></p><p>They arrived at the top of the stairs and Kohana hopped down, landing on each step with two feet. <em>“Fuckin’ cereal.” </em></p><p>Lorcan rose a brow, looking down at Kohana, <em>“A bad word, really?” </em></p><p><em>“Yeah,” </em>Kohana said, hopping off the last step,<em> “I think sometimes you need bad words, Dad.”</em> He paused and titled his head to the side. <em>“Right?” </em></p><p>
  <em>“That’s right.” </em>
</p><p>Pleased, the five-year old ran off to the kitchen, climbing up on one of the barstools. He waited patiently as Lorcan got out two bowls and filled them with cornflakes and milk.<em> “Dad?”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Yeah?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can we watch a movie?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, what do you wanna watch?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mmm. Dunno.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why don’t you think on that while you eat?”</em>
</p><p>Kohana nodded and started eating while Lorcan made his coffee. He loved the kid, but he could do without the before sunrise wake ups, especially if he had to see Elide later that day. Oh, fuck it all to hell. He’d forgotten all about that. </p><p>
  <em>“Dad, I decided. <b>Cars</b>.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Solid choice, kid.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her heart was so heavy. Elide almost couldn’t bear to open her eyes in the morning, but she had to. She couldn’t just wallow in her self-loathing and self-pity for the entire day, so she dragged herself out of bed and shoved on her retro, cat-eye glasses, not having enough energy to put on her contacts. </p><p>Shuffling to her closet, Elide pondered what was an appropriate outfit for going to the mechanic to see someone she’d hooked up with twice and semi-broken up with once. Maybe twice, she hadn’t decided what last night was yet. </p><p>Leggings and a hoodie from her alma mater would have to do, she decided. </p><p>As she waited for her coffee to be ready, Elide accepted Nehemia’s call. “Hey, Mi.” </p><p><em>“El, honey, how are you?” </em>Nehemia’s voice was soft and gentle. After she’d gotten home last night, she had called Nehemia and Aelin and cried like a fool. </p><p>Now, she breathed out shakily, “Oh, you know. Getting ready to go to the mechanic’s. How about you?” </p><p>
  <em>“I’m so sorry, hon. Are you sure about the date tonight?” </em>
</p><p>Ah, yes. The date. Originally, she hadn’t been interested when Nehemia had asked her a few days ago, but she’d still said yes. Now, she was even less excited, but… “No, don’t cancel. It’ll be nice - I’ll get to take my mind off the Lorcan situation, right?” </p><p>Nehemia agreed, <em>“Right. Well. Ooh, we could go out and get a new dress, you know? I’ll call Aelin and pick you up at the shop.” </em></p><p>Elide smiled and wedged her phone between her chin and shoulder as she poured her coffee into her ice-filled tumbler, stirring with her straw until it was cold. “Alright. That sounds nice.” </p><p>
  <em>“Good. I’ll see you later, then. Bye, honey!” </em>
</p><p>“Bye, Mi,” Elide said. She sipped her coffee as she navigated to the <em>Uber </em>app on her phone and ordered a car. After confirming the ride, she grabbed her keys and wallet, stuffing them all in her front pocket. </p><p>She shoved her hair up into a messy bun and tied her hoodie strings into a bow before putting on her old slip-on Vans and leaving her apartment. </p><p> </p><p>As soon as Lorcan parked the truck outside the shop, Kohana was unbuckling his seatbelt and leaping from the vehicle to sprint inside, the two braids he wore his hair in flying out behind him. He shouted his arrival to the entire shop. </p><p>Lorcan followed at a calmer pace and smiled when he walked in to see Fenrys holding his nephew upside down by the ankle. “Morning, Fen.” </p><p>“Hey, man. Tow truck just dropped off Elide’s VW,” Fenrys said, his voice piqued in curiosity. </p><p>Offering nothing more than a hum in response, Lorcan headed off to his bay, smirking to himself when he heard Fenrys mutter a curse and quickly make his way over as Lorcan hung up his jacket and unlocked his tool chest. </p><p>“Can I help you with something?” he asked Fenrys mildly. Fenrys huffed and switched his hold on Kohana, swiftly depositing the kid on the ground. </p><p>“Man-Man, why don’t you go find Grampy? I think he could use some help.” </p><p>Kohana nodded and was off before Lorcan could protest, looking to use his son as a shield of sorts against Fenrys’ next barrage of needling questions. Fenrys crossed his arms. “Why is Elide’s car here?” </p><p>“Because her coolant reservoir is in need of replacement.” </p><p>“And?” </p><p>“An oil change, probably. Basic maintenance - you know how old cars are.” </p><p>Fenrys scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Lorcan.” </p><p>“Fenrys.” He was leveled with a cutting look and relented. “Hellas below, man, we were driving home yesterday and saw her and her car broken down on the side of the road. Gave her a ride home. Nothing happened.” </p><p>Narrowing his eyes, Fenrys stared at him until he sighed through his nose. “I mean, a’ight, I guess. Whatever you say, L.” He made to go but then, “Hey. Are you still ok with that date tonight?” </p><p>Shit. He’d forgotten all about that. “Um, I kinda forgot? I don’t have anyone to watch the kid, but if I did, then yeah.” Lorcan didn’t know what had possibly possessed him to say yes, but the presence at his shoulder urged him to go through with it. “I mean… as long as they aren’t, like, racist, homophobic or otherwise bigotted, I think we’ll be fine.” </p><p>Relief flooded Fenrys’ face, “Ok, that’s good. Me and Mi will watch Man-Man tonight.” </p><p>“Thanks. ‘K I need to get to…” he gestured to the car and Fenrys nodded, dapping him up before he left. </p><p>Lorcan sighed deeply and sat on his wheeled stool, pushing himself over to the popped hood and looking into the car. “Alright, Bets, let’s see what we can do.” </p><p> </p><p>Elide thanked and tipped her driver, her iced coffee nearly gone as she climbed out of the car and stood in front of Scéalaí Auto Repairs, frowning up at the sign. </p><p>An older man, with tanned skin and grey hair walked out, a familiar child on his hip. “Hello. Can I help you?” </p><p>Kohana yelled her name, “Elide, hi-hi! Grampy, that’s Elide.”  </p><p>“Hey, Kohana,” Elide replied, smiling fondly before addressing the older man. “Hi, I’m looking for Lorcan?” </p><p>“Oh, yeah, he’s in the back. Come on, I’ll show you,” the man said, beckoning her to follow. “I’m Malakai, by the way. It’s nice to meet you, Elide. Kohana here talks a lot about you. “</p><p>She smiled and toyed with the string of her hoodie, “Well, Kohana just might be my favourite student. Him and Esther, of course.” </p><p>The child lit up at the mention of his friend and smiled wildly as Malakai showed her to the back bay. “Son,” Malakai said, rapping on the bay’s door. “Elide’s here.” </p><p>Anxiety swirled in her gut and Elide drank from her coffee just to have something to do. She heard the music - N.W.A’s <em>Fuck Tha Police</em> - turn down low and the metallic clink of tools being put down before heavy steps approached the door and Lorcan walked out. </p><p>She had to physically stop her jaw from dropping open as he appeared, wearing a cutoff tee and a pair of dark washed jeans, slung low across his hips. His hair was half-up, half-down, two braids leading to a bun at the crown of his head. ”Hey, El. Cute glasses.” </p><p>The nickname just sort of seemed to roll off his tongue and her heart did a happy little flip before she quashed the feeling and hid it with an eye roll of annoyance at his comment. “Hey. How is she?” </p><p>Lorcan ducked his head and chuckled, “Betsy’s good. Just a little finicky but she likes me.” He smirked when she rolled her eyes once more. “Come on back, we can talk.” She froze and tried to school her expression. Evidently, it didn’t work because Lorcan held up a hand, the universal sign for <em>chill</em>, “About your car.” </p><p>“Oh,” she felt her cheeks flush and drank the last of her coffee, hoping it would cool her down. “Yeah. For sure.” </p><p>Malakai and Kohana, who had been watching the entire exchange, shared a weird look and promptly excused themselves. Elide followed Lorcan into the bay and smiled at her car, patting the headlight. “Hey, Bets.” </p><p>A soft chuckle escaped Lorcan’s full lips and he sat down on a stool while motioning for her to take a seat at the desk. Elide stepped over to it and hovered, carefully moving things to the side so she could sit on it, her feet dangling in the air. “So. Let’s talk.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mi-Mi!” </p><p>“Ko, baby,” Nehemia said, crouching and hugging Kohana. “Oh, child, I missed you.” She stood up and picked him up, booping his nose which made him giggle. “Did you see your mama yesterday?” </p><p>“Yeah, saw mama. We had pancakes, but Dad had waffles. Auntie D had pancakes too,” he told her, lying his head on her shoulder. “You know what happened, we driving home and sawed Elide, ‘cause her car broked, you know.” </p><p>Nehemia nodded and hummed in response, rubbing his back soothingly. “Did that daddy of yours tell you you’re coming over to me and Fenny’s home tonight?” </p><p>Shooting upright, Kohana gawked, “Really?” He smiled so widely when Nehemia nodded in confirmation. “Do I get to sleep over?” </p><p>“Mm-hmm,” she said, kissing the top of his head. “You know what I was thinking?” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“I was thinking… we could watch <em>Atlantis </em>and make you some grilled cheese and ice cream. What do you think?” Kohana straightened and pressed his nose against hers, looking fiercely into her eyes. She held his stare until he nodded and smiled again, his round cheeks dimpling. “Now, let’s go find that silly uncle of yours, huh?” </p><p>Kohana giggled and carefully touched the shimmery, golden powder on her regal cheekbone, his eyes wide in near reverence. “So shiny, Mi-Mi. Can I have some?” </p><p>“Of course you can, <em>malaika</em>,” she told him, putting him down when they reached the back office. “Fenrys?” Her husband snapped his head up from where he was hunched over something and grinned. </p><p>“Man-Man, you ready for the best night of your life?” </p><p>Kohana’s eyebrows raised and he asked, “The <em>best </em>night?” He looked to Nehemia for confirmation, repeating the question. </p><p>“Swear on my mama. Best night ever, with your favourite auntie.” Kohana made a happy sound and wiggled to be put down. Nehemia obliged him and told him to be careful around the shop. He just nodded absentmindedly and raced off. She watched him fondly, smiling as she felt Fenrys wrap his arms around her waist. </p><p>Nehemia twisted around to face him, “Hi, baby.” </p><p>“Hi,” he said, toying with the hem of her crop top. “Not that I’m complaining, but why’re you here?” </p><p>“I’m taking El out shopping after she’s done with Lor,” she smiled, smiling at him and rocking onto her tiptoes to kiss her husband. Fenrys hummed and kissed her back, pulling her tightly against him. “Speaking of, let’s go check on them.” </p><p>Fenrys groaned when she pulled away and grabbed his hand, tugging him behind her as she walked across the shop floor to Lorcan’s bay. Without knocking, Nehemia breezed in, “Hello, hello.” </p><p>They were obviously interrupting something. Elide had her hand on Lorcan’s cheek and her thumb dragged gently, almost reverently, over a smudge of grease on his sharp sharp cheekbone. They didn’t even realize they weren’t alone as Lorcan’s mouth parted and Elide ran her fingertips down to his plush lips, their eyes locked on one another as her teeth sunk into her bottom lip and Lorcan sucked in a breath. </p><p>Fenrys coughed and the moment was shattered as they practically leapt apart, blushing furiously as they parted.</p><p>“Hey, Mia,” Lorcan said, standing to cross over to her and give her a hug. “Have you seen my offspring around?” </p><p>“Yeah, I think he went to annoy Luca. The boy’s working on a wicked hangover right now.” </p><p>They all laughed at that and Elide hopped off her perch on the desk, grabbing her empty cup. “Ae texted me, she said she’s on her way.” </p><p>“Oh, where y’all going?” Fenrys asked mildly. Nehemia shot him a weird look – he knew exactly where they were going. He subtly shook his head as he leaned against the doorframe. </p><p>Elide frowned and did not look at Lorcan as she replied, as evenly as possible, “Shopping.” </p><p>“Ooooo,” Fenrys said, looking way too entertained. He nudged Nehemia and she immediately started in on his shenanigans. “Whatcha shopping for?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” she muttered, glaring daggers at Nehemia. </p><p>“That’s not true – girl’s got a <em>hot </em>date tonight!” </p><p>Fenrys gasped dramatically, “A <em>date</em>?” </p><p>Elide shot the man a glare that promised a slow, slow death, unaware of Lorcan frowning for a split second and the muscle in his jaw ticking. “Yes. A date.” </p><p>The smiling man contemplated something and then gasped again, “Oh my gods! You know who <em>also </em>has a date tonight?” No one answered, not that it really mattered. “That’s right – Lorcan!” </p><p>Lorcan looked like he was praying that his Creator take him to the next life right that moment as his cheeks flushed and he intensely avoided looking anywhere near the petite, dark haired woman next to him. </p><p>Nehemia and Fenrys were practically feeding off the thick cloud of uncomfortability hanging around the room. Elide chewed on her straw. Lorcan fiddled with the screw on his adjustable wrench. They did not look at each other. </p><p>Elide shot Nehemia a look that screamed <em>Help me</em> and Nehemia nodded, smiling as she hooked her arm through Elide’s, “Welp, we should get going. See you later, boys.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“But, Dad, why can’t you stay too?” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan looked down at his son, who looked up at him with a sad light in his eyes. <em>“I have plans, kiddo.” </em></p><p>
  <em>“Can I come?” </em>
</p><p><em>“No dice, K-Man. Remember, you’re gonna have so much fun with your auntie and uncle,”</em> he said, knocking on the door of Nehemia and Fenrys’ townhouse. They waited a few seconds and then heard someone running to the door. </p><p>Nehemia was smiling as she opened the door, “Guys! Hi, come in.” </p><p>Kohana smiled and padded in, hugging his rainbow mini-Kanken packed with all his overnight stuff to his front. “<em>Mholo</em>, Mi-Mi.” </p><p>“Oh, that is very good, Ko,” Nehemia said, smiling down at the little one as he put down his bag and sat down to take off his shoes. It was a little bit of a competition between all of the adults – whose language Kohana would speak the best. So far, it had been Eyllwe in the lead. That probably had something to do with Kohana’s favouritism concerning Nehemia. “What’s happening?” </p><p>“Not much, you know. Dad has plans. I’m not allowed to go.” </p><p>“Well, that’s fine – you’ll have more fun with me and your Fenny, anyways, right?” </p><p>Lorcan huffed a laugh as Kohana nodded, “That’s right!” As soon as he had taken off his shoes, Kohana jumped up and started pushing Lorcan’s legs. “Bye-bye, now. Time to go!” </p><p>Nehemia and Lorcan both laughed and the former deterred Kohana from further booting his father out of the house. “Why don’t you go see where your Fenny is?” He nodded and hurried off, yelling for Fenrys. Nehemia turned to Lorcan and ran a cursory look over him. “Looking sharp, Salvaterre.” </p><p>“Thanks, Mi,” he said, rolling his eyes and standing still as she tutted over the state of the collar of his black dress shirt. She pursed her lips and dusted off his shoulders. “Mia, I gotta go, I’m gonna be late.” He glanced over her head and saw Fenrys coming down the hall, who echoed his statement. </p><p>“Yeah, sweetheart, he looks fine,” Fenrys said, slipping his arm around Nehemia’s waist and kissing her temple.</p><p>Sighing, she nodded, “Yeah. Have fun, ok? I’ll call you if something goes wrong.” </p><p>“Alright,” he said, not understanding why he felt his heartbeat quicken in anxiety. In a few short moments, he was leaving and making his way back to his truck. </p><p>His heart still raced and Lorcan couldn’t figure out why. The only time he had felt like that was… around Elide. That morning, when Malakai said Elide was here, his heart had raced and he’d nearly dropped what he’d been holding. </p><p>That was why he was even going on this stupid thing. To move on, from something that didn’t feel like he should’ve had to move on from. Him and Elide hadn’t even been together. At all. Shaking his head to dispel his spiralling thoughts, Lorcan turned on the ignition and drove off, making his way to The Willows. </p><p>He parked a few blocks away and decided to walk to the restaurant. During his walk, his phone pinged and he pulled it out, smiling down at the image of Kohana that Fenrys had texted him. His son was smiling widely as he looked up at something, his eyes bright. His heart tightened at the pure and true joy on Ko’s face.</p><p>There was a soft smile that stayed on his lips as he opened the tinted glass door of the restaurant and walked inside, carefully making his way around the people waiting to get to the hostess’ stand.</p><p>The blonde woman waiting smiled semi-gently. It was very obviously her retail smile, the one she pasted on for customers. “Hi, there. Do you have a reservation with us?” </p><p>“Yeah, Marama for 8:30?” </p><p>She nodded, looking harried as she scanned over a list and nodded, “Alright, come this way.” The woman told him about the set menu and showed him to an intimate table out in the greenhouse portion of the restaurant. He had to admit – it was beautiful. Glancing upwards, he saw the star-spotted sky behind the glass roof. </p><p>Greenery surrounded them, all sorts of creeping vines and lush greenlife. Lorcan thanked the woman and unbuttoned his jacket as he sat. </p><p>It was all going to be fine. It was just dinner. Easy, simple. Nothing to worry about. </p><p>He told himself that over and over for the next five minutes, his knee bouncing up and down uncontrollably. When he realized, he suppressed the urge to fidget, but it just came out as him drumming the beat of some punk song he’d used to play often at that old grungy club. </p><p>Then, he heard a familiar voice – smoky and delicate and sultry all at once. He almost didn’t believe it and looked over. Lorcan’s eyes landed on a gorgeous person, their truly sinful curves wrapped in a black dress that hit mid-thigh, showcasing the black ink on their fair skin. His gaze travelled up their body, catching on the tattoos on their… collarbones. Laurel wreaths.</p><p>Oh, he was going to fucking <em>murder </em>the Marama-Ytgers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i would say im sorry for the cliffhanger...but im really not 🥰</p><p>also! i use Xhosa for Eyllwe! Translations: </p><p>Malaika: Angel</p><p>Mholo: Hello </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hee hee</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We’re here, miss.” Elide looked up from her phone, glancing out the window at the restaurant. Her throat tightened and she breathed in deeply. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” the driver said, an older woman. “Go get them, ok? You look beautiful.” </p><p>Elide let out a rueful laugh and nodded, “I will. Thank you.” Nerves settled, she opened the door and stepped out, tugging on the hem of her dress. </p><p>It was something Aelin had whipped up for her just that day. Elide didn’t know how she’d done it – her sister was a true artist. </p><p>The blonde had made a ruched, black dress that fit her snugly with a square neckline and black sheer, slightly puffed, sleeves decorated with pearls. Her hair was straightened and fell down her back sleekly and on her feet, she wore a pair of strappy, black heels. They matched the long black coat to protect her from the fall chill. </p><p>The car drove off and Elide was left alone on the sidewalk. She sighed to herself and put her phone in her matching black purse with a silver chain strap to match her chunky silver hoops, walking with purpose to the restaurant’s entrance. </p><p>She’d never been to The Willows, but Nehemia told her it was amazing. Her apartment was only a few blocks away, so if it was awful, she could ditch them and get home quickly. </p><p>As she made her way to the door, Elide saw the greenhouse attachment and hoped they would be seated there. The waiting area was packed and her eyes widened as she skirted around the others to the hostess’ stand. “Hi, I have a reservation. Marama, 8:30?” </p><p>The blonde woman nodded, smiling brightly, “Of course, he’s already here, actually. Do you mind if I take your jacket?” Elide nodded and gave her her coat, waiting patiently as she hung it on a rack and then motioned for Elide to follow. “You’re in the greenhouse tonight.” </p><p>Elide smiled, feeling her stomach clench again. “Thank you, I…” she trailed off as her eyes scanned over the tables and landed on Lorcan. His eyes met hers at the exact same time and realization flashed across his onyx irises. “I see him.” </p><p>“Enjoy your meal,” the hostess said, quickly receding to her stand. The ground seemed to sway beneath Elide’s feet as she walked over, gripping her purse to hide the way her hands shook. </p><p>As she sat down, she kept her eyes on Lorcan’s face, his expression unreadable. Elide couldn’t figure out what to say and floundered. He spoke up, “This is annoying. I’ll talk to Fen and, and Mi.” Her heart sank with every word. “I don’t really want to do this and I know you don’t either, so we can just both go home, ok?” </p><p>Despite what he said, Lorcan didn’t move and Elide suddenly found the grain of the dark, walnut table very interesting. She had no doubt that her cheeks were flaming red as she said, her voice quiet, “I don’t want to go home.” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>For some reason that was beyond her, tears stung the back of her throat and it took a moment for Elide to speak. “Well, I just- I like you. We keep on getting pushed together and I can’t help but… want to see where it goes.” She refused to lift her gaze and traced the tip of her acrylic over the table. “If you don’t feel the same, then I get it. It is weird, but… I don’t know. Just-“ she cut herself off with a soft groan and dropped her head in her hand, muttering, “I want you to stay.”</p><p>Lorcan remained silent until she flicked her eyes up to his, her bottom lip nervously tucked between her teeth. Then, he reached across the table and gingerly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingertips grazing along her cheek one as he smiled, his soft grin making her heart stutter for a beat, “Then I guess I’ll stay, yeah?” </p><p> </p><p>“I knew you were in a punk band!” </p><p>Lorcan laughed, sipping from his wine. “I never said I wasn’t, El.” </p><p>Elide nodded, her eyes crinkling as she attempted to calm her smile as she ate a bite of her sole meunière. He hadn’t looked anywhere but her face the entire night – he couldn’t help it. Lorcam smiled and cut a bite-sized piece of his pan-seared foie-gras. “True, you never said you weren’t, but I was still right.” </p><p>“Yes, you were right,” he said, “but what you didn’t know is that Rowan was our lead singer and Fenrys lead guitarist.” </p><p>She gasped, her eyes widening, “No. There is no way. <em>Rowan?</em>” </p><p>“That’s who you’re surprised about?” </p><p>Rolling her eyes, Elide elaborated, “Of course. Fen? Nobody should be shocked about that. Rowan’s so… serious. He’s a paramedic, he’s responsible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him genuinely smile. You two have the meanest resting bitch faces I’ve ever seen.” </p><p>Lorcan laughed and nodded, agreeing with her. </p><p>Elide sipped from her wine and swallowed before asking him, “So, Nehemia tells me you’re from the Northern Isles?” When he nodded in confirmation, she asked, “How did you end up in Orynth?” </p><p>“I came for university and never left. I mean, I started my family here and eventually all my dumbass brothers ended up here so I figured it was as nice a place as any,” he said. “What about you?” </p><p>“Mm, well, born in Perranth and adopted by Aelin’s parents after my parents passed. I moved to Orynth to live with them and then I moved to the Witch City.” </p><p>“Really? I’ve been a couple times - Essar loved it.” She hummed and nodded, her eyes bright. “What made you move back?” </p><p>Elide winced a bit and her voice dropped as she spoke, “Um, me and my girlfriend broke up and I had to move out of our place. I’ve been friends with Ansel since uni and she told me about the school Esther was going to and that they needed a kindergartener teacher for the coming year and I took it. No looking back.” </p><p>They conversed effortlessly as the night went on and walked out of the restaurant, after sharing a lemon tart, Elide’s hand tucked in his elbow. She held her purse beneath her arm, against her side and smiled up at him until he looked down at her and a matching smile appeared over his lips. </p><p>“Walk me home?” she asked, sliding her hand down to lace her hand in his and then she stepped away, dangling their hands between them. Lorcan raised their hands and kissed her knuckles, his lips brushing over her skin. It made goosebumps erupt up her arm. </p><p>“Of course I will,” he murmured, smiling at the way her cheeks pinked prettily. His thumb circled over the back of her hand as she bit her lip and turned, pulling him along. “You clean up nice, Lochan.” </p><p>Looking back over her shoulder, Elide gave him a little grin as a shiver ran up her spine when his heated gaze slowly dragged up her back, “You don’t look too bad yourself, Salvaterre.” </p><p>He chuckled roughly and followed her along, delighted to listen to her talk about everything and nothing all at once. They stopped at a crosswalk and she pointed up to the sky, showing him the constellations. “No, you- just look at what I’m showing you! It’s a serpent, see?” </p><p>“No, it’s not a serpent, it’s <em>Tayamnisinte*</em>,” he argued, wrapping an arm around her waist from behind and raising his other hand, tracing the Animal’s tail. Elide pressed back into his embrace and her eyes followed the path his finger made. </p><p>“Nope. It’s the serpent.” </p><p>“You’re wrong.” </p><p>“Am not.” </p><p>“Are too.” </p><p>“Am not!” </p><p>“Are <em>too</em>.” </p><p>The crossing light started chirping and they walked across, sniping at each other the entire time. </p><p>“I am not!” </p><p>“You are too.” </p><p>“Am- Anneith below, are we children?” she grumbled, tucking herself into his side. Still, she stuck her tongue out at him. “I am not.” Elide slowed in front of a building he vaguely remembered. “This is me.” </p><p>He hummed, “So it is.” </p><p>“Come up with me.” It wasn’t a question. </p><p>Lorcan arched a brow, smirking slightly, “That’s a bit presumptuous of you, Lochan. Isn’t that supposed to be a question?” </p><p>“Why should I ask if I already know the answer?” she questioned, lifting her chin determinedly. “So?” </p><p>“Yeah, ‘course I’ll come up,” he said, leaning down to press a lingering kiss to her cheek. “I had a lovely time tonight, Elide.” </p><p>She smiled and bit her bottom lip again before whispering, “I had a nice time too.” Twirling on the toes of her high heels, Elide dug into her purse and unlocked the lobby door, pulling him into the elevator just as the doors were closing. </p><p>They both laughed, becoming silent when they realized they weren’t the only people there. The older couple shared a knowing look as Lorcan leaned back against the wall and Elide leaned next to him, biting her cheek to stop her smile when Lorcan pulled her into his side and kissed the top of her head. </p><p>What felt like an eternity later, the elevator stopped at her floor and they walked out, hand in hand. When they got to her apartment, Elide leaned back against the red door, smiling up at him. Lorcan stepped closer to her, “You gonna let me in some time soon?” </p><p>Elide shrugged, cocking her head to the side, “Maybe.” She grinned as he stepped closer again and his hands lifted to cup the sides of her neck, his thumbs stroking over her jaw as he tipped her head back and bent down, ghosting his lips over hers. </p><p>A small gasp escaped her lips and she tilted her head further back, chasing his kiss. Lorcan smirked and kissed her slowly, his tongue sliding between her lips to lick over hers. </p><p>Elide’s eyes fluttered shut as she dropped her purse and fisted her hands in his shirt, resting her weight against the door. A needy noise formed in her throat and she felt Lorcan’s smile before his teeth grazed over her plush bottom lip. “Are you gonna let me in now,” he murmured, his tongue flicking over the slight sting of his teeth. </p><p>She went to reply when her neighbour from across the hall opened her door and stepped out. “Oh, wow, um… well.” </p><p>They pulled apart and Lorcan’s stomach rippled in anticipation at the desire and want in her eyes. Elide huffed a laugh and her eyes flicked to the side as he heard steps depart. “Sorry, Yrene. Have a good shift!” </p><p>He looked down the hall, smiling apologetically at the woman dressed in lavender scrubs as she walked to the elevator. “Thank you, El. You have fun, girl.” </p><p>Elide and Lorcan turned back to each other and she whispered, “We should probably go inside now.” </p><p>He nodded, keeping her in place for one last kiss before he stepped back, but not too far away. She felt something warm and sticky pool in her core as she bent to pick up her purse and then unlocked her door and opened it, tossing her keys onto the small table she had by the door. </p><p>Flicking on the hanging lights in her kitchen, Elide sat to undo the straps on her shoes and slip off her jacket while Lorcan closed the door behind him and did the same. </p><p>Something between them was simmering, pulling them close, but they resisted, staring at each other with heated looks. Elide said, “Do you want a drink?” </p><p>“Sure,” he replied, obliging her shooing motion to her table as she padded into her kitchen and opened her barren fridge. </p><p>“I have beer and wine and…” Elide closed her fridge and rocked onto her tiptoes to open the cabinet above it, “whiskey.” </p><p>“Beer’s fine.” </p><p>Nodding, she opened the fridge and grabbed two bottles, making her way over to a drawer to grab a bottle opener. After popping the caps off, she slid his to him as she sat on one of the stools, grinning a wicked little grin at him. “To us,” she said, holding her bottle up. </p><p>Lorcan stared unabashedly at her, clinking the neck of his bottle against hers, “To us, indeed.” </p><p> </p><p>They left their half empty bottles on the table as Elide slid off her stool and walked around to stand between his legs. Breath unsteady, she reached up and gripped his collar, pulling him down to kiss him possessively, harsh as she pulled him off his seat and walked backwards to her bed. </p><p>Lorcan followed willingly, his hands sliding around her waist and down her back to grab her ass. </p><p>Elide’s knees hit the edge of her mattress and they stopped, while Lorcan found the zipper at the back of her dress and tugged it down, while Elide deftly undid the buttons of his black shirt and pushed the offending garment from his body. </p><p>He groaned appreciatively at the feeling of her hands running over his pecs and shoulders, then up the back of his neck and into his hair. Lorcan pushed her hands away so that he could pull her dress down, his movements stuttering when it pooled at her feet and revealed her figure, wrapped in a matching black lace set. “Fuck.” </p><p>That wicked grin pulled at her plush lips and Elide pressed her hand against his sternum, pushing him back back back until he was forced to fall into one of her armchairs, looking up at her with a wrecked expression. “Look at you,” he breathed, reaching a hand out to trace his fingertips over her collarbone and then drag them down the valley of her breasts, fingers catching on the delicate star-patterned lace. “Beautiful.”</p><p>Elide bit her bottom lip as she straddled his lap and wound her arms around his neck again, their lips finding each other’s. Something in his rough, rasping voice had something molten pooling in her belly. Lorcan sat up straighter, one arm around her waist and one hand sinking into her hair. </p><p>He pulled her tighter against him, tipping her head back and slanting his mouth over hers. Elide moaned when he tugged on her hair and grinded down against his very obvious arousal, growing in the confines of his pants. </p><p>Elide felt something drip in her thong and kissed him harder, rolling her hips down on him again and again. After a few passes of her teasing, Lorcan growled and stood up, sliding the hand on her waist to the back of her thigh as he walked to her bed. </p><p>He tossed her down on the soft mattress and then tugged her body to the edge of the bed, her knees bent and on either side of his legs. Elide looked up at him through her lashes and licked her lips before reaching out to trace a teasing finger over the imprint of his erection through the fly of his pants. Lorcan let out a soft whine and his head tipped back unwillingly as he balled his hands into fists and screwed his eyes shut. </p><p>Chuckling quietly to herself, Elide kneeled and continued with her teasing touch, now looping her fingers over the grooves of his lower stomach. Her other hand tinkered with his belt buckle and what made him look down was the metallic clicks and slithery sound of leather being slid from the buckle. He panted, looking down at her hands until she lifted her hand to tip his chin back down, making him meet her heavy gaze. “Do you want this?” </p><p>She wasn’t just asking about that moment, the slight tremor in her voice gave her away. Gently, Lorcan took the hand holding his chin and pressed it above his heart. Despite his lungs, gulping down air, his heart was steady, its beat strong and anchored. “Yes,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her. “I want this, I want us. I’m tired of leaving it.” </p><p>“Me too,” Elide whispered so softly. </p><p>After their admission, the air around them changed into something deeper, a constant thrumming pulse of desire and heat as opposed to a live wire, spitting off sparks. Lorcan pressed his lips to hers again, following Elide down as she laid down on her back. </p><p>Her hands returned to his pants and unzipped them to migrate around his waist and up his back to his hair. She used the balls of her feet to push them down until he took matters into his own hands and tossed them away. </p><p>Elide’s whine of protest when Lorcan pulled away from her lips melted into a satisfied sigh as he trailed biting kisses down her neck and over the tops of her breasts. A hand traveled up her back to the clasp of her strapless bra and he deftly unhooked it, but didn’t pull it from her. </p><p>Instead, he pulled back, looking down at her with wholly black eyes as she took it off herself, not breaking his gaze as she flung her bra to the side, not caring where it landed. </p><p>Only two very thin layers of clothing separated them now and Elide pulled him back down again. She bit her lip as he avoided them and resumed his previous path, but now, as his tongue and teeth teased her nipple. While one of his hands cupped the neglected breast, his other travelled between them to cup her core, the pad of his middle finger teasing her lace-covered slit. </p><p>Elide rolled her hips against his hand, her nails digging into his shoulder blades. Lorcan laughed roughly against the skin of her breast and wasted no time in toying with her as he pushed the soaked undergarment to the side and slid a finger into her very wet centre. </p><p>“Oh,” Elide moaned, rocking against that one finger as it crooked inside of her. She dragged her nails down his back, “Lorcan. <em>Lorcan</em>.” </p><p>He laughed again and added a second finger to pump her with, her walls already resisting the slight stretch. </p><p>Slowly, he worked her up, his thumb circling around her swollen clit, until she was begging for his cock, begging to feel all of him. Who was he to deny her a single pleasure? </p><p>Locking eyes with her, Lorcan pulled both of his hands away and wrapped his lips around the fingers that had just been inside her, his eyes darkening at the taste of her. It was not a human sound, the one that fell from her mouth before she grabbed his face and tugged him down to slide her tongue against his fingers. Their lips didn’t once touch as she helped him clean his digits and reached down to strip the last piece of clothing from her body. She dangled the drenched lace from the tip of her index finger before casually throwing it to the side.</p><p>Lorcan’s eyes finally fell shut when her tongue brushed against his and then she did it again. And again, over and over to test his patience. </p><p>His lack of the aforementioned patience was showcased as he growled and tossed her further up the bed, eyes catching on her breasts as they bounced on impact. </p><p>Lorcan made no move to join her from the foot of her bed until she reached for him, demanding for him to come. He obliged her and settled between her legs again, now down to one measly article of clothing between them. </p><p>“Take them off,” she whispered in his ear, her tongue tracing the soft shell of it. Elide ran a finger over the waistband and Lorcan didn’t need to be told twice. She reached over to her bedside dresser and yanked open the drawer, feeling around for a condom. </p><p>After finding one, she ripped it open with her hands and took it out, deftly rolling it onto him. Elide flicked the wrapper to the side, not caring where it landed. </p><p>Her hand searched for his and he laced their fingers together, pressing hers into the mattress as he used his other hand to guide himself into her. Elide’s free hand was fisted in the duvet, twisting the blanket as he filled her, inch by agonizing inch. </p><p>When he was completely seated inside her, she swore she could feel the tip of his length in her stomach. She missed this feeling, the one that made her feel filled to the brim, just stuffed full with his thick cock. Elide sank further into the mattress, her head tipped back as she felt her body stretch to accommodate. </p><p>Lorcan went to move but she pressed her hand into his chest, wanting to revel in it for a few moments more. “Wait, wait, wait,” she murmured, clenching once around him. </p><p>Lorcan groaned, she was so wet and tight and warm around his dick, “Are you ok?” </p><p>Elide tipped her head back, smiling as she bit her bottom lip, “Yeah, I like this. You inside me. Makes me feel so full.” </p><p>“Hellas take me,” he swore, rocking into her. “Fuck, E, you can’t say stuff like that, I’m gonna fucking come.” </p><p>“What if I want you to fucking come,” she replied filthily, looking up at him with hooded eyes. Lorcan bit his lip so hard, he almost tasted blood. </p><p>“Can I just fuck you?” </p><p>“Do your worst,” she murmured, crying out when he pulled back and thrusted harshly into her. Lorcan groaned and leaned down, pressing his weight into her as he buried his face in her neck. His teeth sunk into the skin of the junction where her shoulder and neck met, making her call out his name. </p><p>His grip switched from her hand to her wrist and Lorcan kept it pinned to her bed as he fucked her long and hard, as he hitched her leg higher on his hip and hit deeper on his next thrust. </p><p>Elide was babbling incoherently, a string of words in a language he didn’t know falling from her lips. When she arched beneath him, her stiffened nipples brushed against his chest and he slammed his hips into hers.</p><p>“Harder,” she pleaded, gasping when he hooked a hand beneath her knee and bent her leg against her chest, her calf resting on his shoulder. With the new angle, Lorcan could hit her g-spot with every stroke and soon after little gasps were torn from her throat with every thrust. </p><p>He felt her walls flutter around him and encouraged her with dirty words purred in her ear, “Yeah, that’s it - come, El. Don’t you wanna, with my cock filling you up?” She mewled and nodded, her manicured nails digging into his shoulder. Lorcan reached up and pulled her hand away, then gripped both of her wrists and held them above her head, forcing a slight arch to her spine that just made him slip deeper still. “You know you’re close. You know you can’t wait for me to come because of you. You’re so tight, baby, with me stretching you out like this.” </p><p>Her desperate moan was strangled in her throat and she glanced over his shoulder at the floor-length antique mirror leaned against the wall between her armchairs. She felt her stomach clench when she ran her eye down the length of his back, watching his powerful muscles flex beneath the blackness of his traditional tattoos, her heel digging into his shoulder blade. She could see the nail marks she’d made, stark red over his terra-cotta and inked complexion. </p><p>Elide cried out his name as she came, her body writhing beneath him. She could barely think, barely breathe, her body overtaken by this feeling - of everything. His hands pinning her wrists to the mattress, his hips pressing against hers, his body above hers, his ragged breathing against her throat.</p><p>She practically milked his orgasm from him and he emptied himself, pelvis to pelvis as they both rode through the aftershocks. </p><p>Skin sticky and sweaty, they parted after Lorcan tilted her chin back and kissed her tenderly, letting go of her wrists and gently easing out of her. Elide smiled lazily up at him as he stood to deal with the condom and she stood as well, waltzing over to her closet to pull on a too-big t-shirt. </p><p>As she strolled back to him, where he was now sitting up against the headboard, his long legs splayed out beneath the duvet, her smile didn’t dim one bit and while his face remained impassive as always, something sparked in those dark, inky irises. </p><p>Lorcan quirked a brow at her grin as she slipped beneath the blanket and onto his lap, tilting her head to the side. </p><p>“Why’re you smiling like that?” </p><p>Slowly, she looped her arms around his neck and said, “It’s what one tends to do when they’re happy, you know? I know you don’t really have that much experience with human emotions–” he cut her off with a searing kiss, a low chuckle rumbling through his chest at her bright laughter.</p><p>Lorcan shook his head when he pulled back, just the slightest bit, “Lochan, I swear…” Elide laughed brightly, her eyes crinkling and her lips pulled into the most joyful smile he’d ever seen. </p><p>“You like it.” </p><p>“I like <em>you</em>,” he murmured before kissing the tip of her nose. </p><p>Elide’s smile softened and she kissed him gently, just enjoying the feeling of his lips sliding against hers in a perfect moment. </p><p>The night slowly continued, but they, locked in their own, perfect little bubble, traded sweet kisses and pleasured each other, wrapped up in the newness of them, hardly noticed. </p><p>When they physically couldn’t stay awake, their voices hoarse from their various… activities and conversation, they fell into a deep and true slumber. </p><p>Though they remained on the opposite sides of the bed, their hands stayed joined between them the entire night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Tayamnisinte is a Lakota constellation (Sirius) You can learn more here: http://www.kstrom.net/isk/stars/startabs.html!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it’s soft! it’s sweet! it’s fun! it’s fresh! it’s cool!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide hummed as she roused herself from sleep. She let out a soft groan as she stretched out completely and snuggled deeper into her duvet and the pillows beneath her head. “Lor,” she said hoarsely, searching across the mattress only to find cold, rumpled sheets. </p><p>With a sharp gasp, she shot up, her eyes flying open. She was alone. There was no one else in her cozy, studio apartment and her heart just dropped. His clothes were gone, his shoes, everything. </p><p>It was like the floor had fallen out from under her and she floundered, her chest rising and falling erratically. It didn’t make any sense – he wasn’t lying last night. He couldn’t have been. That- that wasn’t fake, what they had done, what they had said. </p><p>Her throat ached with tears as she stumbled out of her bed and nearly tripped on the floor, her chest practically caving in as she reached blindly for the t-shirt Lorcan had tossed on the ground the night before. Just as she finished pulling it over her head, her door opened and Lorcan stepped through, carrying a bag of groceries. “Hey,” he said, his brow furrowing when she launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Woah, woah, E, what’s up?” </p><p>“You fucking left, asshole,” she muttered, hearing him put the grocery bag down so he could wrap his arms around her waist. “And I woke up alone.” </p><p>“I left a note,” he told her and kissed the top of her head, “I had to get my truck. And,” he cupped the back of her thighs and picked her up, “you have no food.” </p><p>“Where’s this note you speak of?” she demanded, frowning fiercely as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Lorcan rolled his eyes and kept her lofted with one arm banded under her ass as he reached to grab the note on her table. </p><p>“Right here,” he said, passing it to her for her to read. </p><p>
  <em>E - went to get my truck and groceries. you have <b>no </b>food. - L</em>
</p><p>“Fine,” she muttered again, crumpling the note and tossing it away, “I was wrong.” </p><p>He laughed quietly and put her down on the table, reaching up to cup her cheek, “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you up.” Lorcan kissed her cheek and then turned away, putting the groceries he’d picked up. “Were you really that worried about me leaving?” </p><p>Elide shrugged and picked at the hem of her t-shirt, “Yeah. I like you and last night mattered to me.” She didn’t look up even as she felt, more than heard, him walk up to her, his hands coming to squeeze her ink marked thighs. </p><p>“Elide. Look at me.” She did, worrying her lower lip. Lorcan’s eyes were softer than she’d ever seen them when he gripped her chin and gently worked her lip out, then stroked his thumb across the inflicted area. “Last night mattered to me, ok? You matter to me.” </p><p>“You matter to me too,” she whispered, reaching up to loop her arms around his neck and toy with his hair. Lorcan rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue at her. Elide giggled as she cupped his face and kissed him, smiling against his lips. “You look good in my kitchen but…” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You would look better if you weren’t wearing a shirt,” she whispered. </p><p>Lorcan grinned as he pulled back, “Well, I think you’d know better, so…” He reached between them and continued to kiss her as he unbuttoned his shirt and shucked it off before throwing it onto her bed. Elide dragged a heated eye down his front and ran her hands over his silky smooth skin. “And?”</p><p>“Mm-hmm,” she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the skin above his heart. “So much better.”</p><p>Their lips found one another’s and they kissed until Elide’s stomach growled and Lorcan drew back with a laugh, telling her to sit pretty while he made breakfast for the two of them. </p><p>Conversation flowed effortlessly and Elide, who couldn’t just wait, moved around him to make them both coffee. </p><p>Then, they sat on opposite sides of her adjustable worktable to eat their breakfast. It took one look from Elide for Lorcan to take her back to bed. </p><p>He held her hand to his skin when she braced it against his chest as she rode him, their gazes locking as they both found their releases. </p><p>Elide collapsed against his chest, brushing her lips against his skin. She whimpered slightly when he lifted her off of him to dispose of the condom and then Lorcan wrapped her up in his arms. </p><p>“Oh, shit.” </p><p>He paused, looking down at her. Anxiety coursed through him, did it break, did he need to run out for an emergency pill- “E, what is it?” He couldn’t have another kid. No way, no how. Not yet, at least. <em>That</em> wasn’t something he’d thought since before Essar had died and it gave him pause, but he didn’t have time to unpack all of that. </p><p>Elide tipped her head back and nipped at the skin beneath his jaw, “Squad bar night tomorrow.” </p><p>He groaned, vaguely remembering the group text Aelin had sent them all. He was still iffy about Aelin… he didn’t know how to feel about her. Lorcan knew he was being an overprotective mother hen, but he would always feel slightly, if at all, territorial of his brothers. Especially Rowan, especially after Lyria. “Do we really have to go to that?” </p><p>She nodded vehemently, “Yes! C’mon, it’ll be fun, we can even tease Fenrys and Mi, you know?” </p><p>“Oh, true,” he said, nodding contemplatively. “We could just not tell them and pretend that nothing’s happening.” </p><p>“Ooh, I like that,” she said, bracing her tattooed forearms on his equally tattooed chest to prop herself above him. Her hair fell like a curtain around him. “That’s a good idea.” </p><p>“I know. I’m the best, am I not?”</p><p>“Gods,” she muttered, biting his lower lip before she pressed her lips to his, “you’re a dick.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you later,” Lorcan murmured, leaning down to kiss her one last time. </p><p>“Ok,” she replied, smoothing her thumb over his cheekbone. “Bye, L.” </p><p>“Bye, E,” he echoed, smiling as he pulled away. She passed him his jacket with a slip of paper in his pocket. </p><p>Elide was smiling as he walked away, leaned against the doorframe to watch him. What she didn’t see was the happy grin on his lips, something he couldn’t quite quell. The elevator stopped before he could press the button and the doors slid open to reveal Elide’s neighbour, Yrene, and… Aelin. </p><p>Lorcan, Elide, and Aelin all froze. All he could do was nod once and step to the side, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed.</p><p>Yrene gave him a pitying glance as she and Aelin walked out and he walked in, turning to give Elide a look that said sorry as her eyes begged him to stay. Lorcan just pressed the lobby button as Elide shook her head and mouthed <em>Come back here.</em></p><p>The last thing he heard as the door slid shut was Aelin yelling, “ELIDE LOCHAN! YOU LITTLE HUSSY-” </p><p>Lorcan sighed to himself and leaned back against the mirrored wall, digging his phone out of his pocket and the slip of paper she’d slid into his pocket. It had her number written on it in her perfect printing and he plugged it into his phone. </p><p>He texted her <em>i'm sorry</em> and waited as the ellipsis popped up, tapping his foot as he waited for her answer. </p><p>Her answer was in all caps, <em>COME BACK HERE ISTG LORCAN </em></p><p>Lorcan laughed dryly, <em>i have to pick up my child - he misses me </em></p><p>He waited for a moment, but the typing bubble never popped back up so he stuffed it back in his pocket and waited for the elevator to stop. </p><p>Lorcan was already in his truck when his phone buzzed and he took it out, wincing as he read her text, just four little words. </p><p>
  <em>i'm gonna kill you.</em>
</p><p>Then, she quickly followed with,<em> i’ll see you tomorrow and don’t tell fen or mi!!</em></p><p>He smiled and answered, <em>see you then e </em></p><p>That smile stayed on his face the entire drive to Fenrys and Nehemia’s. When he pulled up, he saw Kohana in the front yard, playing around while Nehemia enjoyed her tea and watched him from the front porch. </p><p>She waved at him as he stepped out of his vehicle and waited as Kohana saw him and quickly sprinted over, his long hair flying out behind him. “Dad, hi-hi!” </p><p>“Heya, kiddo,” he said, grunting slightly under the impact of his kid jumping him. Lorcan shifted Kohana to his side, “Did you have a nice time?” </p><p>“Yup! Watched ‘<em>Lantis </em>and <em>Prince of Egypt</em> and <em>Lion King.</em> That’s <em>three </em>movies, <em>até</em>.” </p><p>“Wow, <em>three </em>movies? Lucky you,” Lorcan said, beginning the walk up to the house. “Mi, how are you?” </p><p>Nehemia smiled knowingly, glancing down at his slightly rumpled clothes, the same from the night before. “I’m great.” She sipped from her mug and hummed, “Are those the same clothes you were wearing last night?” </p><p>Lorcan looked down at himself, as did Kohana who did not understand what on earth they were talking about. “Oh, well how bout that, I guess they are. Had a nice night.” </p><p>“Oh?” </p><p>“Mm-hmm.” Lorcan looked down at his son when Kohana began tapping his cheek incessantly. “Yes, child?” </p><p>“Did you watch a movie, Dad? I watched-ed movies.” </p><p>“I did not watch any movies,” Lorcan answered him, giving Nehemia a look when she arched a brow. </p><p>“Oh, well, that does not sound fun,” Kohana said, cupping his hands around Lorcan’s ear to whisper, <em>“I missed you, Dad. Can you stay home tonight with me?”</em> He put his face directly in front of Lorcan’s, pressing the tip of his little button nose against his father’s.  </p><p>“Yeah,” Lorcan said, shifting to kiss his son’s cheek. “Go get your bag, ok?” Kohana nodded vigorously as he was set down on the porch and bustled back into the house. </p><p>“So,” Nehemia began, her long nails clinking against her china mug, “the date?” </p><p>Lorcan shrugged, shoving his hands in his pocket, “Eh. Fine. Nothing special.” </p><p>She rolled her eyes and punched his shoulder, “Lorcan.” </p><p>“Fine, fine,” he conceded, smirking smugly, “dinner was lovely. The Willows was delightful. I had the pan-seared foie-gras with rhubarb and she had the sole meunière.” </p><p>“That’s not what I was asking about and you know it,” she seethed, eyes flashing. “What about your <em>date, </em>you insufferable man?” </p><p>Creator bless that kid, because Kohana came running back out just then, saving Lorcan from having to answer. “Ready, ready, ready!” He put his bag down as he sat to put on his sneakers. “Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout, Mi-Mi? Why is my daddy ins- insuff- insuff-abble?” </p><p>Nehemia crouched down and helped him put on his puffy jacket, “Your daddy is being silly and irritating.” </p><p>“Oh, oh, really? You’re trying to turn my child against me? Classy move, Ytger.” </p><p>“I do what I can,” she said. “Alright, <em>malaika</em>, I’ll see you later, ok?” Kohana nodded and hugged her, on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around her neck. “I love you, baby.” </p><p>“Love you too, Mi-Mi. <em>Sala kakuhle*</em>,” he said, looking very proud, as he should, of himself for his near-perfect pronunciation of the Eyllwe farewell. “I did it!”</p><p>“Oh, gods, get him out of here before I cry,” Nehemia said, watching with a fond look as Lorcan and Kohana said good-bye and walked away. Kohana was hopping the entire way to the truck and rolled down his window to wave at Nehemia as they drove away. </p><p>Lorcan looked in the rearview mirror and smiled, only feeling a little guilty that he was using his kid as a pawn. </p><p> </p><p><em>“I wanna play, Dad,”</em> Kohana said, climbing up onto the couch that Lorcan was sitting on, headset on and forearms braced against his thighs as he clicked over the controller. Tigger was stretched out along the bay windows, decidedly not interested in whatever they were doing.<em> “Can I play?” </em></p><p><em>“Yeah, just one second,”</em> Lorcan drew out the syllables as Kohana crawled between his legs and sat with his back against Lorcan’s front, reaching for the controller. Lorcan put down his microphone, addressing the other players, “Boyos, lil man wants to play. What are we thinking?” </p><p>He smiled at the chorus of assent, the loudest being Rowan and Vaughan as they hyped up the five year old. They did this frequently, letting Kohana join in on their gaming nights whenever he wanted, which wasn’t super often. Kohana had his own ‘special’ controller, which was just an extra one Lorcan had lying around. He could press whatever button he wanted, it didn’t matter cause it wasn’t connected to anything. </p><p>Kohana giggled and clapped his little hands, greedily grabbing the controller and began smashing the buttons, a fierce frown on his brow. Lorcan chuckled and rested his chin on Kohana’s head, unplugging his headset so that the kid could hear it too. </p><p>With every win, they praised Kohana, telling him he was the absolute best of all time. He soaked it all up, his eyes lighting up. </p><p>Finally, once they’d won, everyone signed off and Lorcan got off before Fenrys could start riding him about his date. He needed… to talk to his kid. He wouldn’t name names, no specifics, but… he needed to suss it out. All he had said to the boys was that he had a nice time and he wasn’t saying anything more. </p><p>
  <em>“Até, can we watch <b>Space Jam</b>?”</em>
</p><p><em>“Always, kid,”</em> Lorcan replied, using the remote to choose the movie. Kohana bounced excitedly and snuggled back into his chest, gripping the hoodie Lorcan wore in his little fists. <em>“Ko…” </em></p><p>
  <em>“Yeah?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What would you think if I had a new… friend?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think you should have lots of friends, Dad. I don’t have lots of friends ‘cause I don’t like the other kids but I have Essie and that’s enough for me.” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan’s heart squeezed in his chest and he smiled,<em> “Essie is a great friend, huh? Well, that’s not really the type of friend I was talking about. Remember when we met Ro’s friend?”</em></p><p>Kohana nodded, <em>“Yeah! She’s gots goldy hair and her name is Aelin. I like her, but she is very loud. She is nice, too, Dad.” </em></p><p><em>“She is,”</em> Lorcan laughed and agreed with him, keeping his eyes on the screen where a young Michael Jordan was shooting hoops in his backyard. <em>“She is also very loud.” </em></p><p>A little gasp escaped Kohana and he stood up on the couch, steadying himself by grabbing Lorcan’s face.<em>“Dad, Ro <b>kissed </b>Aelin. Is it a friend like that? A <b>adult </b>friend?” </em></p><p>Blood pounding in his ears, Lorcan swallowed once and nodded, <em>“Yeah. An adult friend like Ro’s. What would you, ah, think about that?”</em> The movie still played while Kohana contemplated. </p><p>His brow was furrowed and he flicked his ochre-coloured eyes upwards. <em>“Um… I think that would be ok. Would that make you happy, Dad?” </em></p><p>The question took him by surprise and he had to hold back tears. Kohana really was the perfect person. <em>“Yeah, baby, it would make me happy.” </em></p><p><em>“Would you forget my Mama?”</em> Kohana asked quietly, not looking at Lorcan as he did. </p><p>Lorcan sucked in a sharp breath, quick to say no, he would never. <em>“Ko, I’ll never forget your Mama, ok? I love her so much and you too.” </em></p><p><em>“Well then I think you should have a adult friend, Dad. I think it would be good if you were happy.” </em>Kohana sat down again, his head tucked under Lorcan’s chin. <em>“You were sad for a long time, you know. You didn’t used to smile lots. You know, you smile more now.”  </em></p><p>Lorcan kissed the top of his child’s head, smiling softly. <em>“I do.” </em></p><p><em>“That’s a good thing,”</em> Kohana said sleepily, yawning and struggling to keep his eyes open. <em>“I like it when you’re happy.”</em> He was asleep before Lorcan could say anything. His own exhaustion weighed down on him and he didn’t have the energy to stop the movie before he was laying down on the couch and passing out. </p><p> </p><p>Elide walked into Connall and Vaughan’s bar, which they had closed for the night, and saw Lorcan already sitting on a stool, one foot on the spindle, the other on the floor. He was talking animatedly with Rowan and Aelin. Aelin noticed her first and smiled, hopping off of her boyfriend’s lap to run over, “Ellie!” </p><p>“Babes,” Elide said, hugging her sister but keeping her eye on Lorcan, who had turned and then smiled at her. “Hi, darling.” </p><p>Aelin giggled, already tipsy. She drew back and danced around, swinging her hips to the music and twirling Elide around. Then, she got serious and pulled up short, “Oh my gods, you fucked Lorcan!” </p><p>Blood rushed to her cheeks and she avoided looking at Lorcan, “Ae, inside voice, hon. And yes, I did.” </p><p>“Well, you know, I’m not really mad about it,” Aelin whispered theatrically. “You two are cute together!” She raised her voice for the next part, “But if he hurts you, I will castrate him!” Rowan and Lorcan both groaned instinctively, subconsciously covering their groins. “Come come, let’s liquor you up.” </p><p>She dragged Elide back to the bar, dropping her hand to slide back into Rowan’s lap. Elide smiled at Lorcan, knowing Kohana was with Malakai and Emrys for the night. It was a Monday, which really wasn’t ideal, but with Rowan’s schedule as a paramedic, they needed to be flexible. </p><p>“Hi,” she said, slotting herself between his spread legs. He smiled, his hand ghosting up her side to squeeze her waist and pull her closer. His other hand reached up to tap the temple of her glasses. </p><p>“Cute glasses.” </p><p>“You’ve said that already.” </p><p>Leaning down, Lorcan said, “Kids, close your eyes.” Elide was smiling as he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her slowly, thoroughly. She wound her arms around his neck, humming when his left hand slid around her back and down to her ass, fitting into the right pocket of her high-waisted skinny jeans. </p><p>Aelin groaned in disgust and gagged until they broke apart, laughing as Elide turned to the side and leaned into him. “Come on, have a heart,” she joked, “don’t you care about youngins in love?” </p><p>The other couple regarded them with unimpressed expressions as they laughed again and Vaughan rolled his eyes, “Alright, what do you want to drink, El?” </p><p>“Mmmmm,” she drummed her fingers over Lorcan’s denim-clad thigh, “I will take… a…” Sighing, she turned to Lorcan. “Choose for me, I don’t care as long as it’s booze.” Elide leaned further against him. “Work sucked.” </p><p>The kids had been extra wild today and she’d been at her wits end by the time the bell rang. Lorcan removed his hand from her pocket and rubbed her back soothingly, kissing the side of her head. “I’m sorry, E.” She sighed, gladly accepting the tequila soda Vaughan slid her way. </p><p>“‘t’s ok. I’d rather just forget about it all,” she said, smiling when Lorcan’s hand slid back to her pocket. They collectively moved on, listening and laughing about a call Rowan had gotten earlier that day. </p><p>Some minutes later, Fenrys and Nehemia ran in, apologizing for being late. </p><p>“Sorry, there was traffic and I got home late and- Lorcan has his hand on Elide’s ass.” </p><p>Everyone looked back at Lorcan and Elide, nodding and shrugging. “Oh, it seems that he does. Interesting,” Vaughan said, “now, come on, Ro, what happened next?” </p><p>“Oh, yeah, so,” Rowan sipped from his beer, nodding, “we get to the place right and we’re getting ready to-” </p><p><em>“LORCAN’S HAND IS ON ELIDE’S ASS, WHY AREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT THAT?!” </em>Fenrys shouted, throwing his hands up. </p><p>“Fen, babe,” Nehemia began, trying to calm him. “Breathe.” </p><p>“But his hand- her ass- Lorcan- Elide.” Someone put a drink in his hand and he chugged it. “So what is this?” </p><p>Lorcan and Elide looked at each other, both shrugging. She spoke for them as Lorcan picked at the hem of her oversized Pussy Riot t-shirt, “We don’t know. And if we did, we wouldn’t tell you, Marama. Go find something else to occupy yourself with.” </p><p>Everyone except for Fenrys laughed and teased him, their night continuing on. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t late yet, but Elide and Lorcan were heading out. She had to be at work early and not hungover, so he offered to give her a ride home. </p><p>Elide was sitting in the passenger seat, holding Lorcan’s hand in her lap as she asked, “So… what are we?” She looked up at him when she asked, biting her cheek. “I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I kinda… just want to know?” </p><p>He smiled and lifted their joined hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles, “Me too. I like you, a lot, and you feel the same way.” She nodded in confirmation, a small smile on her lips. “It’s new, yeah? We don’t have to… label it,” Lorcan made a face as he said it and wrinkled his nose, “I really hate that I just said that.” </p><p>“I hate it too. But I agree,” she said, leaning over the centre console to press her lips to his. For the rest of the ride, they sat in a comfortable silence. </p><p>He walked her to her door, smiling as she tugged him down by his collar to kiss him. They were sharing identical grins as she pulled away and turned to her lobby door. </p><p>Lorcan waited as she unlocked her door and stepped in, pausing when he didn’t move. “You don’t have to go home tonight, right?” </p><p>“Nope. I’m a free man.” </p><p>“Then what are you waiting for? Hurry up, love.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Sala kakulhe: Good-bye in Xhosa (language i use for eyllwe) </p><p>wow so sweet and soft 🥰 i mean.....how much could change in six chapters, really? like honestly, *how* much could change?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: just a ✨ sprinkling ✨ of jealousy :) oh and nsfw 👀<br/>hmm well we’ve had a couple real fluff monster chapters....let’s switch tings up!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Elide cursed herself as she half-ran through the school, trying to get to her classroom before it was too too late. She wasn’t even supposed to be here because of the student teacher taking over for the next week, but she’d forgotten to write out the schedule or even give it to the student, a young woman named Audrey. <b><br/></b></p><p>“Hi, hi, I’m so sorry, I thought I had the schedule all ready for you,” Elide said as she entered her classroom, where Audrey was already talking to one of her students. “Hey there, Ivy, how’s it going today?” </p><p>The curly-haired child smiled, two perfect dimples appearing on her brown cheeks. “Hi! I’m very good.” </p><p>“Well, that’s good,” she said, smiling and sitting at her desk. Elide had never looked or felt more unprofessional in a pair of black leggings and a faded hoodie she’d stolen from Lorcan. Not to mention, she had only been able to find her glasses from two years ago which she abhorred. They were clunky and thick framed and constantly slipping down her nose. </p><p>With a breath of relief at not being too late, Elide opened her agenda and walked over to the whiteboard, taking a purple marker and writing out the schedule in big letters - perfect for the munchkins to read. </p><p>She glanced over at the door just in time to see Lorcan and Kohana walk in. Kohana did not look happy and she raised a brow, nodding when Lorcan mouthed <em>Later</em>. </p><p>“Elide?” </p><p>Elide turned to see Audrey, smiling, “Yeah?” </p><p>“Who is that?” </p><p>“Oh, that’s Lorcan and Kohana. Kohana is the kid,” she said, walking over to her desk, where there was now a coffee from the cafe down the block from Lorcan’s house. Elide picked it up and sipped from it, hiding her happy grin at the fact that he’d gotten her coffee. “He’s a cutie, but he doesn’t like new people very much, so don’t get discouraged if he doesn’t talk much. That’s pretty standard. Now, his best friend Esther, that girl is his cheerleader.” Elide flipped through the pages of paper on her desk, pulling out the kid’s buddy goals and handing it to Audrey. </p><p>“‘Buddy Goals’? What are these?” she asked, scanning down the list. </p><p>“I thought it would be good if they all wrote something they’d like to be better at and with their buddies, they can help each other. Kohana’s goal is working on his outside voice and Esther’s is working on her inside voice,” Elide supplied, tapping her outgrown nail over Kohana and Esther’s goals. It was good she had the day off so she could go to her nail appointment. </p><p>Audrey nodded, smiling, “That’s a great idea. Might steal that from you, Elide.” </p><p>“Oh, please,” Elide waved her hand dismissively, “go ahead.” She looked around the class, waving at her students and her eyes widening when Kohana stomped out to his desk, sitting down and crossing his arms. </p><p>Looking to Lorcan, who just shook his head and sighed, Elide offered a soft smile in support, raising her coffee in gratitude. He nodded, the corner of his lips quirking up for a split second. </p><p>She turned back to her papers, losing herself in it until somebody tapped on her desk and she looked up, grinning at Lorcan. “Hey. What’s, uh, what’s up with Ko?” </p><p>“No clue. Kid woke up pissed,” Lorcan said, rolling his eyes slightly. “I’m sorry if he’s like this all day.” </p><p>“Eh, Esther’ll be here soon.” </p><p>Lorcan huffed a laugh and nodded, “Yeah. So, what’s up with the fit, E? That’s a cute hoodie.”</p><p>She gasped in mock hurt, “What? You don’t like the hoodie and leggings? I thought it was cute!” He raised a brow and she rolled her eyes. “I have the day off. Well, sort of.” </p><p>“Sort of?” </p><p>“Student teacher week. Her name is Audrey, nice girl,” Elide said, motioning to the girl at the door. “Don’t you have the day off?” </p><p>Smiling slyly, Lorcan nodded, “I believe I do. Funny that, huh?” </p><p>“Yeah. <em>Funny</em>.” </p><p>“I’ll see you later, yeah?” She nodded and then he walked off, saluting to Kohana who just scowled harder at his father, his eyes flashing. Dang, that kid could glare. </p><p>The sound of coy laughter brought Elide’s attention to the door, where Lorcan and Audrey were. She narrowed her eyes, watching as her student teacher threw her head back and her hand came to rest on Lorcan’s bicep. That was just ridiculous. </p><p>Lorcan moved slightly and Elide tried to not glare at Audrey as she mirrored his step back, way too close for comfort. Elide did not care for the appreciative look in the woman’s eyes. She had to stifle her scoff when Audrey toyed with the ends of her hair. When did <em>that </em>ever work in real life? </p><p>Something stirred in the pit of her stomach and she felt a snarl grow before she tamped that down. It wasn’t jealousy. They weren’t serious enough for jealousy. It was just some harmless fun. Not exclusive, not dating… hanging out. It had only been three weeks, for the gods’ sakes. </p><p>By the time she looked up again, Lorcan was gone and Audrey looked slightly deflated. <em>Serves her right</em>, Elide thought. All of her things were settled, so as she stood, gathering her stuff, Elide tried to control the look in her eyes as she left the classroom, saying a brief goodbye to everyone. </p><p>She fumed the entire way to the salon, her knuckles white as she gripped her steering wheel.</p><p>Trying to calm herself, she parked with a serene smile pasted on her lips and walked in to see Philippa waiting at the front desk. “Philippa, hello, hello!” </p><p>“Elide, hi,” the older woman said, walking around to greet her with a hug. “Come on over, we’ll get you started.” Elide smiled and let out a pent up breath. “Something wrong?” </p><p>Elide sighed again and shrugged as she sat at Philippa’s table, putting her purse on the floor and slipping her phone into it. “Yeah. No. I don’t know.” </p><p>Philippa hummed and sat down, getting a couple bowls of acetone ready for Elide to soak her nails in. “Talk to me, honey.” </p><p>“Well,” Elide put her nails in the remover, rolling her eyes, “it’s a bit of a story.” </p><p>“Then it’s a good thing we have lots of time, isn’t it?” </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan groaned as he woke up, sprawled out across his couch. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out, squinting at the screen, at the text from Elide. </p><p>
  <em>EL: want some company?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>LS: yours?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>EL: i was planning on mine, yes </em>
</p><p>
  <em>LS: always </em>
</p><p>He tossed his phone away and dozed off until someone knocked on the door. Lorcan called out, “‘t’s open!”</p><p>His eyes remained closed as he shifted onto his back and listened to the door open. “Hey, L,” Elide said as she slipped off her shoes and put down her bag. “Where are you?” </p><p>“Couch,” he answered, reaching out when he heard her walking over to him. “C’mere.” </p><p>She let out a soft grunt as he fisted his hands in her hoodie and tugged her down, wrapping her up in his arms. Elide smiled and wiggled until she let out a content sigh and pressed her face into his neck, curling her hands into fists on his chest. His hands crept up the back of her hoodie, his thumb rubbing over the small of her back.</p><p>They laid in a comfortable, soft silence until Elide couldn’t handle it anymore. “So… Audrey’s nice, isn’t she?” Lorcan paused and didn’t say a word. “L?” She looked up at him, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. </p><p>“I guess.” </p><p>“That’s all you have to say?” </p><p>“Why, are you jealous?” </p><p>Elide scoffed and spluttered, “Wha- what? <em>Jealous</em>? You think I’m <em>jealous</em>?” She sat up, pushing against his chest to straddle his waist. Lorcan arched a brow, his hands on her hips. “I’m not jealous. I just think it’s a little inappropriate of her to be flirting with the father of one of her students.” </p><p>Lorcan laughed, “If you think her flirting - terribly, mind you - is inappropriate, what do you think about what <em>we’re </em>doing?” </p><p>“Well, that’s different! We’re…” she trailed off, knowing she couldn’t say anything. Annoyed, she snapped, “Whatever. That’s irrelevant ‘cause it’s just <em>rude </em>to flirt with you in front of me.” </p><p>He sat up, “But why is it rude? You’re the one who said we aren’t dating, we aren’t exclusive. Just <em>hanging out</em>.” Lorcan lifted his hand to cup her face, stroking his thumb over the apple of her cheek. “Come on, just say that you’re jealous and we can forget all about this, baby.” </p><p>Elide frowned, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. “I am not jealous.” </p><p>“Ok.” </p><p>“I am not!” </p><p>“And I’m agreeing with you,” he said, but the look in his eyes told a different story. He leaned in, missing her lips to kiss the skin beneath her jaw. Elide breathed in shakily, gripping her upper arms tightly. Lorcan grinned and continued his ministrations, trailing heated kisses over her skin. “C’mon, darlin’, just tell me. ‘t’s ok, E. I don’t mind.” </p><p>“I hate you,” she breathed, tipping her head back to give him further access. “You’re a dick.” As she said that, she slid her hands into his hair, scraping her fresh, black acrylics over his scalp. </p><p>Lorcan just laughed and grazed his teeth over her pulse, licking over the slight sting. “C’mon, baby, tell me.” </p><p>“Fuck you.”  </p><p>“Fuck me yourself, coward,” he replied smoothly. </p><p>She laughed and pulled away, her slender eyes crinkling. “Fine, you sadist. I don’t like it when people flirt with you.” Elide tugged his face forward and kissed him, murmuring against his lips, “I was <em>jealous</em>.” </p><p>“We should remedy that, then.” </p><p>“How?” </p><p>“Well, you said yourself that we aren’t dating, right?”  She nodded in response and continued to kiss him, biting his bottom lip. “What if we were? What if you were my girlfriend?” </p><p>Elide paused and pulled back, her eyes big, “Really? Like, you and me?” </p><p>“You and me,” he said, nodding. “So? Whaddya say, Lochan?” </p><p>Lorcan let out a soft grunt when she practically tackled him to the couch and squeezed her arms snugly around his neck, “So that’s a yes, right?” </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan arched a brow at the look in his girlfriend’s eyes as she innocently sipped from her tea, sitting at his kitchen island on a barstool. “What’s <em>that </em>look for?” </p><p>Elide shrugged a shoulder up, running her fingertip over the rim of the mug. “Nothing. Why?” </p><p>The house around them was silent, a warm and sated sort of quiet that came when he knew Ko was safe and sleeping peacefully upstairs. Elide had come over after her dinner with her adoptive parents and her sister. Apparently, Aelin let it slip that she was ‘seeing someone’ and her mother was already hounding her to let them meet whoever it was. </p><p>“You’re planning something,” he replied, keeping his voice low. “I don’t think I should trust you.” </p><p>Elide laughed, a little smoky chuckle that had his blood heating in his veins. His skin was tingling as she dragged her burning gaze down his front, her clouded eyes lingering on where his grey sweats were precariously slung low across his hips. “Maybe I just like what I see.” </p><p>He snorted as Elide was never one to be satisfied by simply <em>looking</em>, something he had no qualms about. “You’re a shit liar, El.” </p><p>Elide dropped her facade and grinned a filthy little grin that had his blood shooting south. She smirked when he shifted and leaned back against the counter, gripping the worn edge of the wood countertop. “Need some help with that?” she asked, flicking her eyes to the bulge in his pants. </p><p>“Oh, if you would be so kind,” he taunted, not really meaning it and to his delight, a slow smile spread over her lips as Elide slipped off her stool and strolled around to him. </p><p>Lorcan raised his hands to capture her in a tight embrace and kiss her, but Elide evaded his reach and sunk to her knees. Breath hitching, Lorcan looked down at her as she pressed her lips to the patch of skin beneath his navel, her lips parting for her tongue to drag over the flat grooves of his stomach. </p><p>Lorcan hardened further, his lashes fluttering at the feeling of her mouth on his skin. In his mother tongue, he let slip a soft curse when he felt Elide tugging his sweats down, just enough for her to pull his cock out. All he heard was his blood rushing through his ears and the distant sound of Elide chuckling before she wrapped her hand around him and stroked up and down. </p><p>Then, she twisted her wrist ever-so-slightly on the upstroke and Lorcan’s teeth sunk into his bottom lip, his neatly trimmed fingernails digging into the wood beneath his hands. “Fuck, El.” </p><p>She laughed again and whatever he was going to say - something about her teasing him - died in his throat when Elide licked up the underside of his shaft, the tip of her tongue probing his slit and not giving him a chance to breathe before Elide took his cock in her mouth. </p><p>Lorcan tried to hold back his groan as she did something with her tongue that had his mind blanking. A stream of Ozuye spilled from his lips when she did it again and hummed as one of his hands came to rest on the back of her head - he rasped, “Deeper.” </p><p>Elide breathed through her nose and relaxed her throat, letting him slide in and in until the tip of his dick hit the very bottom of her throat. The feeling of her wet and tight throat swallowing around him had precum dripping from him and Lorcan let his head fall back. He tried as hard as he could to keep his breathing normal, but when Elide nudged him to move his hips, any effort was futile. </p><p>When he held her head in place and slowly, carefully eased in and out of her throat, Elide looked up at him through her lashes, her eyes half lidded and flitting shut. She hummed around him and let the hand holding the base of his cock fall free so she could hold her long hair off the back of her neck. </p><p>Lorcan breathed heavy through his nose, his brow furrowing as he felt his climax fast approaching. Elide could feel it too as his cock leaked down her throat and the way that it throbbed gently. She let him fuck her mouth slowly, her nails sharp even through his sweats as she gripped his thigh. </p><p>Panting and lungs greedily gulping down any and all oxygen, Lorcan pushed in until Elide almost gagged and kept her still. She hummed around him and the vibrations had him coming down her throat, his teeth close to drawing blood as he bit his bottom lip and tried to stifle the sounds he made. </p><p>Elide swallowed until there was nothing left and then she let him fall from her mouth. She wore a satisfied smile as she stood up and helpfully fixed his waistband for him, smirking when her knuckles dragged over his sensitive flesh and his breath hitched. “Did that help?” </p><p>Lorcan fought for breath and shook his head at her, reaching out a hand to cup the back of her head and kiss her just as a door opened upstairs and two little feet padded down the hallway, quiet on the stairs. </p><p>“Shit,” Elide bit out, quickly kneeling down and out of sight as Kohana peered downstairs and locked eyes with Lorcan. </p><p>
  <em>“Dad, why you downstairs?” </em>
</p><p>His heart slammed against his chest and Lorcan swallowed once, gesturing vaguely to the sink, <em>“Water, Ko.”</em></p><p>His son’s eyes were big, bright, and filled with unshed tears,<em> “I thought there was a monster.”  </em></p><p><em>“No monster, prince,” </em>Lorcan quipped, shooting Elide an apologetic look as he shoved off the counter and walked over to his son. He took the stairs two at a time and said in the common tongue, loud enough for her to hear, as he scooped Ko up, “Let’s get you back to bed, huh?” </p><p>Elide waited with bated breath until she heard Kohana’s bedroom door close and waited two extra minutes before she snuck upstairs and into Lorcan’s room. She crawled into bed and collapsed down, wrapping her arms around his pillow and burying her face in it, breathing in the woodsy scent of his cedar and sandalwood cologne. </p><p>She resolved to stay awake until he returned and to fall asleep with him holding her snugly, but it seemed as though it was out of her hands as her breathing slowed and she passed out. </p><p> </p><p>Elide woke with a start after dreaming she had fallen, her mind playing catch-up and groggy. Yawning, Elide reached out to grab Lorcan and to pull herself tighter against him. But, all she felt was empty space and, by the coolness of the sheets, he hadn’t made it back from putting Kohana down.</p><p>Groaning softly, she got out of bed and shuffled down the hall to Ko’s room. His door was half-open and she leaned against the doorframe, shifting her weight onto one foot and smiling at the sight before her. </p><p>Lorcan, asleep in his son’s bed. And Kohana, gathered up in his father’s arms, sleeping soundly. Elide’s gaze strayed from Lorcan’s serene face and locked on the slumbering child. Whisps of black hair escaped his double braids and his brow furrowed as it tickled his little baby button nose. Kohana looked like his father, but softer, gentler. Not hardened by life or bittered by experience. </p><p>“Lorcan,” she whispered hoarsely. Lorcan slowly stirred and opened his eyes, looking between his son and Elide. “It’s late, baby, come to bed.” </p><p>He nodded but didn’t move immediately. He just gazed down at his child, gently brushing back the hair that bothered him and kissing his brow, whispering words Elide didn’t understand. Then, he shifted Kohana carefully onto the mattress and scooched to the end of the bed so he could stand and step over to her. </p><p>Elide smiled as Lorcan slid his arms around her waist and her hands slid up his arms. He smiled and lifted his hand to tip her chin up. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to hers gently. “What time is it?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” she whispered, “I fell asleep.” </p><p>He hummed and pulled away, looking back at his sleeping child. Elide let him be for a moment and then she laced their hands together and walked him back to bed, where they fell asleep wrapped around each other.</p><p> </p><p>Kohana had a secret. He’d only told Tigger, who was on the next stool over, curled up in a fluffy ball. Ko had never seen his kitty look more shocked.</p><p>He watched his father as he ate his cornflakes. Dad was making coffee again and hadn’t said a word about last night. </p><p>Kohana just watched in silence, raising his full spoon to his mouth and steadily chewing on his cereal. </p><p>Lorcan turned around as he poured the coffee into his mug. <em>“What’s up, Ko? What’s with the, uh, staring?” </em></p><p><em>“Nothing, Dad,”</em> he said, reaching for his orange juice. He blinked slowly as he sipped from his juice. </p><p>
  <em>“Really? So there’s nothing you want to tell me?” </em>
</p><p>Kohana tilted his head to the side, <em>“Do <b>you </b>have anything to say?”</em> To anyone else, it would seem like Lorcan had nothing to say, but to his son… he’d never looked more guilty. </p><p>Lorcan’s mug froze on its way to his lips and he paled for a split second before coughing, lowering his coffee. <em>“Nope. Why- why would you ask that, bud?” </em></p><p>Staying silent, Kohana stared his father directly in the eyes as he drank more orange juice. Then, he moved his bowl and glass to the side and planted his hands on the island to stand up on the stool he occupied.<em> “I know your secret, Dad. Tigger knows too.”  </em></p><p>
  <em>“Oh, really? What secret is that?” </em>
</p><p><em>“You have an adult friend. And I know who it is! I saw you in my door,”</em> he shouted, glowering at his father. Lorcan choked and opened his mouth to say something, but Kohana wasn’t done.<em> “<b>Elide </b>is your adult friend. You were having a sleepover with MY TEACHER!”  </em></p><p><em>“Ko, no need to yell, man, I’m right here,” Lorcan</em> said, wincing slightly at the volume. It was so early. With a sigh, he nodded, <em>“You’re right. It’s Elide.” </em>He tapped his fingers against the side of his mug. <em>“What do you think about it?”</em></p><p>Kohana felt the fight leave him and he sat down again, shrugging. <em>“It’s ok. I like Elide, she is very nice.”</em> He pulled his cereal back to him, but it was mushy now and there was no way on Earth he would eat it now. <em>“Can she come over for dinner, Dad?” </em></p><p>Lorcan smiled and nodded, <em>“Yeah. She can come over for dinner.”</em> Kohana nodded and pushed his cereal away to grab his glass and finish his juice. Lorcan wondered how many times he would have to thank the Creator for giving him this perfect, amazing child.</p><p> </p><p>Elide smiled and waved good-bye to all her students at the end of the day. Kohana just stared at her from over Nehemia’s shoulder. She was taking him home until Lorcan could leave work. There’d been a car emergency that had taken longer than anticipated to fix. </p><p>Kohana looked at Elide the entire time Nehemia put him in his booster seat and watched her as she walked backwards towards the school. He’d been staring at her all day, like he knew a secret. It freaked her out and she’d texted Lorcan about it, but he hadn’t gotten back to her yet. </p><p>Her phone was on her desk and buzzing when she walked into her class. Picking it up, she smiled and accepted Lorcan’s call. “Hello?” </p><p>“Hey, E,” he replied, a smile in his voice. “How are you?” </p><p>She sat on the edge of her desk before answering. “I’m good. Still freaked out by your child. Is there a reason why he stared at me the entire day? It’s like he was saying ‘I know your secret’.” Lorcan didn’t answer, only hissing a breath. Elide paused, narrowing her eyes. “He knows, doesn’t he? <em>Doesn’t</em> he?” </p><p>“...yeah. He saw us last night in the doorway.” </p><p>“Oh shit. I’m sorry, I know you wanted to wait and–” </p><p>“No, E, it’s honestly fine. I know we were supposed to go out, but Ko wants us to have dinner. Do you mind a slight change in plans?” </p><p>Elide contemplated silently, biting her pearl-coloured nail until she remembered she’d <em>just</em> gotten a new set done. Lorcan spoke again, “We don’t have to tonight–” </p><p>“No, babe, it’s ok. Let’s have dinner,” she said in a nervous chirping tone. “It’ll be great.” </p><p>“Ok, well, my place at, say… seven?” </p><p>“Your place at seven,” Elide confirmed, smiling as they said good-bye and hung up. Slowly, she put all the little chairs up on the desks, trying to calm her shaking hands. It was fine. It would be fine. It was fine. It would be fine. She repeated that litany as she gathered her things and left the room, flicking off the lights as she went. </p><p>She recited it aloud once she was in her car, which was finally fixed up and ready to go, and on her drive home. </p><p>Everything was… fine. </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan glanced over into the living room, where his son was playing with Tigger. </p><p>He remembered when Essar had come home with that blasted <em>creature</em> who he’d had a slight rivalry with since the day they’d met. Tigger had hated when Essar gave Lorcan more attention than he and would hiss and cry until Essar rolled her eyes and lovingly picked him up. </p><p>That cat had kept him alive, though. On the days where Lorcan had barely been able to wake up, too far gone in his grief, Tigger would scratch at his door and jump onto Lorcan’s chest, digging his claws into his skin until Lorcan got up and went to take care of his baby. </p><p>Gods, Kohana hadn’t even lived a year before she was gone. Through a few talks, Lorcan had pieced together that Kohana only remembered the blurry form of Essar. He remembered that home had been happy and bright but one day, it went silent. Dad didn’t smile as much, he didn’t laugh as much. Mama didn’t sing to him anymore and Mama didn’t pick him up anymore. He still missed her, still was aware enough to know that someone was gone, someone important. </p><p>Maybe it was funny, but the fact that they’d known she didn’t have long anymore hadn’t helped when she was actually gone. The fact that she’d just… faded wasn’t any better. She’d still been ripped from his arms, from this world. </p><p>Burned in his mind was the image of the serene smile on her tattooed lips. During the last few weeks, Essar had been in such pain that there wasn’t a moment that she hadn’t been on painkillers, but for the last day, she’d asked to go out clean. That smile was real, it was <em>her</em>. </p><p>His depressing thoughts were interrupted by Kohana’s precious gasp from his seat on the window bench, his hands and face pressed against the window. </p><p>Lorcan smiled and put down the spoon he was idly stirring the glaze for the bison chops resting in their rub on the island. Bison in Terrasen was something only their Indigenous tribes were privy to hunt and sell. Lorcan, while Indigenous, still didn’t have a permit because for one, he hated hunting and two, he wasn’t Terrasenian anyways. A few of his friends did though and were always happy to share their bounty with him. </p><p>He turned the burner down and walked over to look over Kohana’s head, seeing Elide step out of her car and wave. Kohana waved back, climbing off the bench to run to the door, waiting patiently. Lorcan smiled back at her as she walked up the path, carrying a pastry box. </p><p>Lorcan returned to the kitchen as Kohana waited and Tigger padded over to the kitchen as well, purring and twisting around Lorcan’s legs. Lorcan just nodded down at the cat and went back to checking the sauce, understanding Tigger’s silent support. He supposed the cat had his moments. </p><p>A few seconds later, he heard the door open and Kohana saying an exuberant hello. Elide’s tinkling laughter was heard as she too said hello and was let in, the door closing resoundly behind her. </p><p>Finally, Lorcan turned and smiled softly at her as Elide nervously smoothed her hands down the fronts of her black jeans - her newest thrifting find. They were men’s sized and a wide, black belt cinched them around her petite waist. Her top was a slouchy, lavender sweater - the very one she’d worn the first day of school - with the front tucked into her pants. Kohana was oblivious to the adults’ almost tangible nerves and smiled happily, clambering up onto a stool as he chattered on. </p><p>They only had time for a quick hello before Ko was demanding her attention again by standing up on his stool and waving his hand. </p><p>Elide laughed again and sat down on the stool opposite him, readily engaging in the discussion. “Oh, I almost forgot,” she said after a bit of talking, standing, then walking over to the box she’d left by the front door. </p><p>Kohana hopped down and trailed over to her, warily looking at the box. “What’s that?” </p><p>“This,” she said, putting the box down, “is <em>basbousa</em>. It’s a cake from the Southern Continent.” Kohana’s eyes widened and he carefully opened the lid, peering down at the syrup-soaked semolina cakes, cut into neat diamonds and topped with one almond each. “I think you’ll like it. It’s very sweet.” </p><p>He smiled excitedly and on their conversation went until Lorcan announced dinner was ready and they sat at the table to eat. Kohana frowned at his bison, cut up into little bites, so Elide and Lorcan both conceded to cutting theirs into bite-sized pieces as well. </p><p>During the meal, Kohana talked and talked about everything he could possibly talk about. Elide eagerly engaged on every topic, asking him questions and laughing at his knock-knock jokes. Lorcan joined in occasionally, honestly just happy to sit back and watch the two most important people in his life talk. </p><p>The thought that Elide was one of the most important people to him took Lorcan by surprise and he felt winded just thinking about it. They’d only been dating for… two months now. They’d been exclusive for a month. Maybe this was too much. Maybe… it was too fast. </p><p>Quickly, his heart began to slam against his ribcage and he found it hard to breathe. Shit, he had a <em>kid</em>. One who had already lost a parent. If he brought in Elide, if Elide became a fixture around their home, in their lives… Lorcan couldn’t guarantee that she’d never leave and Ko deserved better than that. </p><p>After dinner, after dessert, they all sat in the living room to watch a movie. Kohana insisted on sitting with Elide and though Lorcan smiled, his heart melting a little inside, he stiffened imperceptibly. Was this going too far? Was this too early? Fuck, did he even want her here? If Kohana hadn’t caught them…</p><p>Fuck.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>well....i think lorcan said it all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>um....im not gonna say anything. just......hmm.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Lorcan was shaking. He couldn’t think - nothing was being processed as he stood and walked out of the hospital personnel filled room. The room his dead wife laid in. <br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>People called after him, yelling his name as he ignored them and walked down one hall and then the next, following the red exit signs until he felt a cool breeze on his face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The only thought running through his mind was that of their son, their baby. Not even a year old yet. So innocent, so unsullied by the plights of life. Oh, how Lorcan envied that child, that innocent little being. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He began the walk to his house, his feet having a mind of their own when they began running and he didn’t know how it seemed as though one second he’d been in the hospital and the next, he was raising his fist to their apartment door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Their house was six kilometres from the hospital. And he’d gotten there in just over twenty minutes. He should’ve been falling to the hallway floors, but he didn’t. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before he could knock, the door was yanked open and Rowan loomed there, fury like no other on his tattooed face. “Lorcan. What the fuck, where the fuck were you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lorcan just shook his head, tears stinging his throat so hard he could barely speak or breathe. “Ko,” he whispered, just one syllable. He tried to take a step forward, but Rowan stopped him with the heel of his hand to Lorcan’s sternum. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lor,” his best friend said, pity swimming in his green eyes. Lorcan hated it. He wanted everyone’s stupid looks and whispers to just stop. “Lor, you can’t see him right now, he’s asleep.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sobs built in his chest and he almost broke down then and there. “Ro. Rowan,” he said, nearly hyperventilating. “Please, please let me see my kid. Please.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lorcan Salvaterre never said please. He’d also never been a widower before, maybe that had something to do with it. He couldn’t tell. Rowan looked between Lorcan and the bassinet Kohana was sleeping in before nodding defeatedly and letting him pass. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lorcan walked over to his baby’s bassinet and picked him up and then cradled him against his chest. Slowly, he began to rock the babe, his tears finally coming and spilling down his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered through the salty wetness. “I’m so sorry.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kohana whimpered and kicked out his chunky legs, waking up so Lorcan shifted to cradle him in his arms. His face scrunched up and tears pooled in his eyes - Essar’s eyes - at his daddy’s distress. Lorcan looked down at the child like he was his entire world, gently rocking him again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The infant stopped crying and stared back up at Lorcan, his chubby hands batting the air above him. Moving to the glider, Lorcan rocked in the chair, finding it in himself to smile at his child. “<b>Hi</b>,” he whispered in his native tongue. He didn’t need Rowan or anyone else listening to his grief. Lorcan leaned down to press a kiss to Kohana’s forehead, inhaling that quintessential baby smell. “<b>I’m sorry, coconut.</b>” That was Essar’s name for Kohana. She said it was because he was round and brown like a coconut plus the start of his name sounded like it. “<b>I’m so sorry mama’s gone. I’m sorry I’m not enough for you.</b>” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lorcan-” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shh.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Lor,” Rowan sighed, ignoring Lorcan’s shushing. “We need to talk about this.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shh,” Lorcan repeated, indicating the baby. “He’s sleeping.” Kohana was wide awake and gurgled happily, stuffing his hands into his mouth and smiling around the slobbery mess. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the rest of the night, after his brothers had all come, whenever anyone tried to ask him anything or say anything, he would calmly shush them and direct their attention to Kohana. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lorcan was changing Kohana when the kid’s gaze strayed to the side, his baby body squirming uncontrollably. “Whatcha looking at?” Lorcan asked him, snapping his son’s baby blue and otter onesie back up before scooping him up. “Whatcha looking at, huh?” Lorcan pressed a series of soft kisses across his plump cheeks. “What’s that?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He bounced him as Kohana raised his little hand, reaching for something over Lorcan’s shoulder. Lorcan turned around just as his son said, “Mama!” He made a grabby motion with his hand and smiled, his four front teeth - bottom and top - on full display. “Mama!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kohana turned back to Lorcan, his eyes wide and serious. “Mama.” He promptly put his hand back in his mouth, steadily chewing on it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“<b>Yeah</b>,” Lorcan whispered, staring at the picture of Essar smiling down at their newborn minutes after giving birth. “<b>I know, kid.</b>” </em>
</p><p>Lorcan woke with a start, shooting upright in bed. He panted, his skin clammy with sweat. Looking around, he didn’t recognize where he was. The bed he was in shifted when a dark haired woman sat up and tentatively reached out to him. Before she could touch him, Lorcan was out of bed, shaking his head as he backed up from her, eyes wide. “Don’t.” </p><p>“Lorcan,” Elide whispered, face stricken as she too climbed out of her bed, wearing his shirt. </p><p>“Elide, don’t,” he said again, holding a hand out to stop her. “Please, stop.”</p><p>Elide did stop, but didn’t return to bed, didn’t ignore him like he wanted. “Lorcan,” she said again, her eyes filling with tears. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away.” </p><p>“I’m not,” he told her, his chest still rising and falling in an erratic pattern. </p><p>“You fucking liar,” she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’ve been weird since dinner.” </p><p>Lorcan didn’t say a thing and she laughed, turning her eyes to the ceiling to stop her tears. “I’m not stupid,” she whispered. Elide shook her head and looked down. “I know you–” </p><p>He chuckled unkindly, “You don’t know me.” </p><p>“You are not as secretive or mysterious as you think,” she replied, ignoring the sharp sting of her heart. “Do you not think I can tell when you’re hiding something, Lorcan?” </p><p>“Stop saying my name like that,” he said, hating the disappointed, teacher tone. “I’m not one of your kindergarteners.” </p><p>“No, no, you are not,” she laughed coldly, looking up at him with narrowed eyes as she stepped closer, poking her finger into his chest. “Because I teach my students that they should talk when they’re upset and that holding everything inside only makes them feel worse.” </p><p>He stayed silent and crossed his arms over his chest, clenching his jaw and cocking his head to the side in a defensive stance. </p><p>Tears built in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks, “Really?” The sight of each tear sliding down her cheeks had his heart clenching and his chest tightening but he didn’t have any time to do anything before Elide backed away and wiped her cheeks. “I thought we were more than that. You tell me all the- you <em>told </em>me all the time that I matter to you and now you won’t even talk to me?” </p><p>“E–” </p><p>“What’s the point, Lorcan? What’s the point of any of this if you won’t even <em>talk</em>?” She was falling for him, so hard, and he was breaking her heart. </p><p>“Elide,” he whispered, stepping forward as his arms fell to his sides. “Baby.” </p><p>She shook her head, looking down again as she hugged herself. “I just want to sleep,” she admitted. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. It’s late and we’re both tired and I’m upset and I just–” A soft sob tore from her throat and Elide stepped forward to him, tucking herself into his chest. Lorcan didn’t hesitate to wrap her up in his big arms and kiss the top of her head, hating that he made her cry, hating that he was still hopeless at hiding his own shit. </p><p>He hooked his hand under her knees and scooped her up, carrying her back to bed. He sat back against the headboard and felt her tears as she cried herself into exhaustion. Elide eventually fell asleep, but he did not. He just gazed at her ethereal face, wondering how on Earth he’d gotten her and how he’d managed to fuck it up this early. He would fix it. </p><p>He was, he was falling for her. Irretrievably, utterly in love with Elide Lochan. The feeling was one he never thought he’d feel it again after Essar. </p><p>And he’d seen it in her eyes tonight how her heart had cracked. How she was hurt. Gods, he really was a stupid bastard. </p><p> </p><p>Elide blinked as Lorcan groaned softly beneath her and reached out for his ringing phone. He whispered, “I’m sorry” for waking her up and she just hummed softly, kissing his chest in sleepy acceptance. </p><p>Last night was still fresh on her mind and she knew it wouldn’t be easy for either of them to talk about it. She rolled onto her back, reaching out for his free hand and smiling gently when he laced his fingers in hers. Elide looked out her windows, sighing at the rainy skies. It seemed the world was reflecting her feelings today. </p><p>Lorcan was speaking quietly into the receiver, but Elide barely heard him until he hissed and his hand tightened in hers. She turned to face him, worry clear on her face. He looked down at her and kissed her brow, pulling his hand from hers to wipe his thumb over the furrow on her forehead. </p><p>Then, he fell back onto the pillows, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Are you serious? Like, I’m the only person who can come in right now?” He stayed silent for a couple moments and then sighed resignedly. “No, yeah, I’ll come in. Yeah. Ok. Yeah, I’ll see you.” Lorcan hung up and tossed his phone onto her bedside table. He kissed her gently and then got out of bed, collecting his clothes. </p><p>“What is it,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and raspy in the morning, as she sat up. He seemed tense as he dressed. “L?” </p><p>“Something happened at the shop, I’m the only one who can deal with it,” he told her, irritation bleeding through his voice. Elide climbed out of bed as well, padding over to him. Lorcan continued to dress, oblivious to her approaching. “And Rowan can only watch Ko till nine, so I have to bring him and it’s just–” </p><p>“Hey, hey, hey,” she said, resting her hands on his arms, “baby, breathe. I can watch Kohana and you can go deal with work, ok?” </p><p>Lorcan breathed in deeply and nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, ok. Thanks.” She nodded and smiled softly. “We can talk later, right?” </p><p>“Mm-hmm,” Elide hummed, rising onto her tip-toes to press her lips to his cheek. “We can talk later. Let me change and you’ll drop me off?” She slipped out of his arms and walked behind the painted silk screen to change. </p><p>Then, they both put their shoes on and walked down to his car. Elide went to walk to the passenger side, but Lorcan tugged her back to him, sliding a hand around her waist and the other reaching up to cup the back of her head before he kissed her.</p><p>Elide laughed against his lips as he kissed her harder, shushing her when she reminded him that they had to leave. “Lorcan.” </p><p>He hummed, tipping her chin back to slant his mouth over hers. </p><p>“Lorcan.” </p><p>“Yeah, I know, we have to go,” he murmured.</p><p>“<em>Lorcan</em>.” </p><p>“<em>Elide</em>,” he purred, his voice dripping with hot desire. </p><p>“We have–” </p><p>“We have to go,” he finished for her, licking into her mouth, slow and hot. “I know, baby, I’m agreeing with you. We’re gonna be late.” </p><p>Elide smiled and pulled back, looking sternly up at him. “Lorcan.”</p><p>Lorcan nodded and stepped back, grinning at her. “You know, you keep on telling me that, but you also keep kissing me so…” </p><p>“Shut up, stupid.” </p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” </p><p>“Get in the car.” </p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” </p><p> </p><p>While Lorcan and Rowan talked, Elide walked upstairs to Ko’s room, where he was already awake, idly petting Tigger. He sat upright, blinking his big brown eyes at the change in lighting, his braids in disarray. “Hey, Ko,” Elide said, smiling warmly at him. </p><p>Still half asleep, he looked over at her and startled, “Ellie?” </p><p>“Yeah, your dad has to go to work for a bit, so it’s me and you today,” she explained, her smile growing when he climbed out of bed and pattered over to her, slipping his hand into hers. Tigger daintily leaped off his bed and walked over to them, standing loyally by Kohana’s feet. “Do you have anything you want to do?” </p><p>“No,” he said, yawning as he did so. It would probably serve them all better if she put him back to bed, but the little one had a mean stubborn streak that would make any effort one done in vain. </p><p>Rowan called out good-bye and Kohana ran down the stairs excitedly, calling out his farewell. Elide walked down calmly and waved as the silver-haired paramedic left. Lorcan had gotten Kohana a bowl of cereal and the kid was happily munching away as Lorcan hurriedly redid his braids. </p><p>He was rushing through it and finally just gave up with a huffed sigh, letting Kohana’s soft hair fall free. With a kiss atop Ko’s head, Lorcan said good-bye and half-jogged to the door, stopping to brush his lips over her temple as he grabbed his rain shell. “I’ll be back soon, E.” </p><p>“Ok, love,” Elide said, smiling at him. He smiled back and ducked out to his truck. She leaned against the doorframe and waited until a little voice called her back into the house and she waved once more at Lorcan before closing the door. </p><p> </p><p>They were playing <em>Uno </em>and Elide was losing, badly. Fucking hell, Kohana took no quarter. Eventually, he declared <em>Uno </em>and helped her gather up the cards, snapping the rubberband around them before putting them away. </p><p>Then, they refreshed Tigger’s water dish and food bowl and Kohana spent a couple minutes petting Tigger’s soft soft fur while Elide made a mug of tea. He was telling her about a dream he’d had a few nights ago. “… and <em>then </em>I droved my daddy’s truck to my grandma’s house, but that’s silly, you know why?” </p><p>“Why, Ko?” Elide asked, delightfully amused as she sipped her tea. </p><p>“‘Cause <em>my </em>grandma lives across the ocean. We gotta take a big big plane and then a smaller plane and then a really fast boat. I see my aunties too, they look the same. I have auntie ‘Neha and auntie Sa-Sa!” He giggled and stood up, waking over to her and tugging on her hoodie. “Ellie?” </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p>“Can we go outside? I would like to go ‘plashing in the puddle,” he asked her, his eyes bright with excitement. “Pretty please?” </p><p>She chuckled and nodded, putting her tea down to pick him up and kiss his round cheek. “Of course, my darling. Why don’t you go put on your outside clothes and we’ll go, alright?” Kohana nodded and Elide put him down, patting his back to get him going, not that he really needed any encouragement. </p><p>While he got dressed, Elide dumped her half-empty tea down the sink and put away the bag of Tigger’s food. By the time she walked over to the door, Kohana was hopping down the stairs one at a time. She helped him into his rain pants and jacket, obliging him as he insisted that the rain pants were pulled <em>over </em>his frog gumboots. </p><p>Then, as Elide sat to put on her shoes, Kohana opened the door and was racing towards the steps before she could stop him. “Puddle!” </p><p>“Ko, be careful!” she shouted. Kohana got to the top of the wooden stairs and didn’t slow his pace. “The stairs are–” He fell out of sight and his pained wail followed him.  </p><p>Elide ran outside to the top of the staircase, eyes landing on Ko, who had fallen all the way to the concrete walkway. He was crying loudly and Elide hurried down to him, hardly noticing the fat raindrops falling on her cotton hoodie. “Ko, Ko,” she said, crouching down and worriedly picking him up, cradling him to her chest. “Oh, baby, you scared me. Are you hurt?” </p><p>Big sobs ripped through him and tears streamed down his cheeks. Elide tried to move him, gently holding his left arm, but he screamed, the pained sound cleaving the peaceful neighbourhood. </p><p>Her heart beat wildly as she pulled back and, as gentle as possible, pushed his sleeve up, his arm already swelling. She could see some purple just above his wrist and carefully prodded the area, to which he screamed again, shaking his head and trying to pull away. “No, no, no,” Kohana wailed, pure pain in his big eyes. </p><p>“Ok, ok, c’mere, darling,” she breathed, gathering him up and dashing back into the house to grab her purse. She sat on the floor, hugging Kohana to her with one arm as she fished out her phone. </p><p>Her hand was shaking and she could barely dial the three numbers to call the ambulance. </p><p>
  <em>“911, what is your emergency?” </em>
</p><p><em>“I need an ambulance, I have a five-year old, he fell down the stairs and I think he broke his arm, his left arm,” </em>Elide spoke quickly, her words miraculously clear. </p><p>
  <em>“Alright, ma’am, can you tell me your location?” </em>
</p><p>Elide nodded and recited Lorcan’s address, hanging up after being instructed to fetch an ice pack and wait until the ambulance arrived. </p><p>Kohana couldn’t stop crying, hardly noticing Tigger when the cat raced over at the sound of his distress. “I want my daddy,” he sobbed, over and over as Elide held him, holding the ice pack to his arm. “I want my daddy.” </p><p>Elide hugged him snugly, kissing the top of his head, “I know, I know you do.” <em>Me too,</em> she thought, but seeing as she was supposed to remain calm, she didn’t say that. </p><p>It seemed like an eternity until she heard the ambulance pull up and then Elide quickly stood, grabbing her purse and Kohana’s stuffed hippo, Robert, before dashing out. </p><p>She recognized one of the paramedics to be Rowan, his eyes wide as he took in the sobbing child. “Ko?” </p><p>She could only nod and pass him over, following closely behind into the ambulance. Once inside, Kohana reached for her and Rowan allowed her to take him as his partner started driving towards the hospital. </p><p>She kept him calm enough to answer Rowan’s questions as the green-eyed man checked his arm, prodding around the area that made Kohana scream. </p><p>A short drive later, they were pulling up at the ER and Rowan took Ko again to walk inside, rushing him off to another room with Elide quick on his heels again. </p><p>Another doctor came in, wearing brightly coloured and patterned scrubs, and took Kohana off to get X-rays. Elide wasn’t allowed in with him, so she took the time to call Lorcan. </p><p>“Hey, baby,” he said, his voice tired. “‘m almost done here–” </p><p>“L, Ko fell and broke his arm. We’re at the hospital,” she told him, her voice shaking. “He went to get X-rayed, but I’m not a guardian, so I can’t be in there with him.” </p><p>“What,” Lorcan breathed, now sounding wide awake. </p><p>“L, he’s in the hospital. You need to get down here,” Elide said, waiting for his reply, but all she heard was the two-beeped tone of the call ending. With a slight sigh, Elide looked around the waiting room and spotted two chairs by the window. She walked over to them and held Robert in her lap, finally getting a breath in. </p><p> </p><p>It had been forty-five minutes, but Lorcan still hadn’t arrived. Kohana and Elide were sitting in a private room right now and he had stopped crying. His arm was still aching and sore, but Elide distracted him by telling him story after story and handing over his stuffy. </p><p>“Alright, darling, I’m gonna step out for a minute, ok? Just need to see where that daddy of yours is,” she said, kissing his forehead before she walked out and walked over to the front desk. </p><p>Just as she went to ask the nurse something, the doors banged open and Lorcan ran in, his hair sopping wet. </p><p>Elide smiled and walked over to him just as he saw her, his chest rising and falling raggedly. “He’s ok,” she began, reaching out to press her hand above his heart, forcing him to look at her. “Lorcan, baby, look at me. Ko’s fine, he’s ok. It’s just a broken wrist, he’s–” </p><p>“<em>Just a broken wrist,</em> are you serious, Elide?” he asked her, barely concealed anger clear in his voice. Lorcan stepped away from her, not caring that they were in a near silent waiting room. “I was right. I fuckin’ knew it. I fucking <em>knew it</em>.” </p><p>“You knew what?” Elide questioned him, looking at him in confusion.</p><p>“That I shouldn’t have trusted you to watch him. I never should’ve trusted you. I could’ve- I <em>should have</em> asked literally anyone else. I need two hours, Elide,” he said, disappointment bleeding off of every word. “Two hours, and <em>my </em>kid ends up in the hospital.” </p><p>Elide gasped in pain, her hand reaching up to press against her chest. Her eyes filled with tears and she glanced around the room, her voice hardly above a whisper, “You don’t mean that.” </p><p>Lorcan stifled his scoff, white hot rage building in him, “Um, yeah. I do actually.” She finally looked up at him and his anger was checked by the true pain and heartbreak in her dark irises. </p><p>“Really?” she asked him, her voice cracking. “Do you really mean that?” </p><p>Cocking his jaw in defiance, Lorcan shrugged, “You’re the one who told me to talk more. I’m talking.” </p><p>The first tear slipped down her cheek and Elide hastily wiped it away, though more and more took its place. She opened her mouth to say something, when her neighbour, Yrene, walked up to them, dressed in street clothes. He assumed that she was just getting off work and looking to head home. </p><p>Yrene’s warm smile fell at the sight of Elide crying silently and she whipped her head to him, her eyes narrowing. “Ellie, let’s get you home, girlie,” she said, wrapping his girlfriend up in a comforting hug. Was she even his girlfriend anymore? “Come on. Let’s go.” </p><p>Elide nodded and wrapped her arms around Yrene, her shoulders shaking. “Ok,” she said, leaning on the golden-haired woman as she looked back at him, whispering, “Say bye to him for me, please?” </p><p>Without another word from her, but another glare from Yrene, they were gone and Lorcan walked over to the desk, asking the lady for where Ko was. </p><p>He walked down a couple hallways and smiled as he entered Kohana’s room, seeing him sleeping as he clutched Robert in one arm. </p><p>Lorcan walked into the attached bathroom and looked into the mirror. He wanted to smash it to pieces, hardly recognizing himself as nausea built in him and he whispered to his reflection, “What the fuck did you just do, Salvaterre?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i will not be offering any comments at this point in time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>.....hehe</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her apartment was cold and dark. Everywhere she looked, she saw him. </p><p>His hoodie was on the chair, his side of the bed rumpled from the nights he spent here. Even her cupboard and fridge were filled with his favourites. </p><p>Elide had finally been able to convince Yrene she was fine to be alone, but she wasn’t. It was crushing down on her, her heart feeling like it had been ripped out of her chest. </p><p>He didn’t trust her. </p><p>She loved him. </p><p>He didn’t trust her. </p><p>She wanted to be with him forever. </p><p>He didn’t trust her. </p><p>Her knees buckled and she fell against the door, sliding to the floor as a pained, heartbroken sob fell from her lips. She hugged her knees to her chest, tilting her head back on the door as she sobbed again, her vision blurred by hot tears. </p><p>Elide covered her mouth with her hand, sobbing into the skin of her palm. </p><p>She’d been broken up with before, she’d broken up with people before. Hell, her last relationship - she’d never felt heartbreak like that. But this, this was unbearable. And they hadn’t even officially broken up. </p><p>Elide buried her face in her arms and muffled her sobs in her hoodie, no sound coming from her as her shoulders shook. </p><p>“I love you,” she whispered, hoping he somehow heard her. Hoping he held onto the remains of her heart that he’d ripped from her and hoping he would take care of her soul for her, just in case she never got it back.</p><p> </p><p>Elide was still crying when she used her key to open Aelin’s door. She was trying to quell her tears when she walked in and saw the living room and kitchen lit up by countless candles. And there Aelin was, dressed in an oversized white dress shirt that had to be Rowan’s and nothing else.  </p><p>“Hey, babe– Ellie?” Aelin stood up from where she was sprawled seductively across her couch. </p><p>“You’re not wearing pants,” Elide cried, hiccuping slightly. </p><p>Aelin winced and walked over to her, “I know, I’m sorry, we were supposed to do this whole no-pants night…” she trailed off, utterly confused at Elide’s distress. </p><p>“Do you want me to take my pants off too,” she sobbed, dropping her keys and purse to hug her sister. </p><p>“Oh, no, honey,” Aelin crooned, wrapping Elide up in a soothing embrace. “What happened? Where’s that broody mans of yours?” </p><p>“I don’t think he’s my mans anymore,” Elide cried, burying her face in Aelin’s shoulder. </p><p>“What?” Elide pulled back, shaking her head as she tried to breathe. Shock lined the features of Aelin’s face and she gaped. “Are you serious? You broke up?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Elide whispered, closing her eyes as more tears slid past her lashes. “I don’t know anything.” </p><p>“Oh, honey, it’s ok,” Aelin shushed her and walked Elide into her bedroom, nudging her to the king sized bed. Elide had always thought her sister’s bed was ostentatiously big, but she didn’t complain or say a thing as she crawled in and sunk down on the soft mattress.</p><p>Aelin ducked into her walk-in closet to change after kissing Elide’s forehead and whispering, “Just breathe, darling.” </p><p>Elide nodded and tried to breathe through her tears. She closed her eyes and all she saw was Lorcan looking down at her with utter disapproval.</p><p><em>I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve trusted you. I never–</em> She couldn’t stop herself from spiralling and started to hyperventilate, not able to get enough air into her lungs. </p><p>Her hiccups and desperate gasps for breath had Aelin running back in, tugging a sweater over her head. “Elide, oh gods,” she said, sitting on the bed and hugging her sister close. “Baby, I need you to breathe right now.” </p><p>“He doesn’t trust me,” Elide sobbed, her throat burning raw. </p><p>“Of course he does,” Aelin assured her, brushing back her hair and wiping her tears away. Elide just shook her head, shutting her eyes tightly. They heard the door open and Rowan called out Aelin’s name. The blonde got up and raced out, whispering the situation to him before returning. “He’s going out to get us food from Emrys’.” Elide smiled weakly and wiped her cheeks, dropping her hands into her lap. </p><p>“I’m sorry for ruining your night,” she mumbled, sniffling loudly. “I just- I didn’t want to be alone.” </p><p>“Oh, it’s fine,” Aelin said, waving her hand dismissively as she settled back against the pillows. “So, what happened?” </p><p>Elide sighed shakily, picking at her nail. “We got in a fight last night. We were gonna talk about it, but something happened at the shop and then I was watching Ko–” she sobbed and leaned into Aelin. “And he broke his arm and at the hospital Lorcan told me he never should’ve trusted me to watch his kid.” </p><p>Aelin shook her head and pulled Elide closer, “Honey, no, come on, he’s crazy about you.” </p><p>“He barely talks to me anymore,” she admitted, her lower lip trembling. “You should’ve seen his face, Ae. He looked like he was regretting everything, <em>us</em> everything in that moment and I just- my heart hurts so much.” She pressed her hand against her chest, like it would stop aching for one blissful moment. </p><p>All her sister could do was cuddle her close. They laid in that heavy silence that Elide broke by whispering, “I love him.” </p><p>Aelin could only hug her tighter and rest her chin on Elide’s head, “I know.” </p><p> </p><p>By the time the door to her apartment opened again, Elide had long since fallen asleep and Aelin carefully extracted herself from her sister’s koala-like hug to tiptoe out to her boyfriend. Rowan wore a stony expression as he passed her the takeout bag. “How is she?” </p><p>“Heartbroken,” Aelin answered. Rowan reached down to smooth away the frown on her forehead when she lowered her brow. </p><p>“Why are you so pissed now?” </p><p>“‘Cause Elide is perfect for him. She doesn’t put up with his asshole shit. Usually,” she said, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms.  </p><p>“Yeah, well,” Rowan sighed, glancing back through her open bedroom door at the small figure on the bed, “she’s not invincible.” </p><p>Aelin had been holding off her anger, because it was so clearly not what Elide wanted, but Elide wasn’t awake right now. And nobody messed with Aelin’s baby sister like that. “I’m gonna kill him.” </p><p>“Woah, woah, hey, easy now,” Rowan said, catching her arms and blocking her from the door. Aelin bared her teeth and wrestled against him to no avail. </p><p>“Let me go,” she spat, a snarl curling her lip. “Rowan, I swear, let me go.”</p><p>“Ae, listen to me,” he said, his voice hard and serious enough that she stopped fighting to get to the door long enough to pay attention. “I agree - he needs his ass kicked, but not right now and <em>definitely</em> not by you. Lorcan is… not ok, alright? I know he said some fucked up shit and I know that he hurt your sister, but he needs space right now.” </p><p>“<em>Space</em>?” Aelin hissed, narrowing her eyes up at Rowan, who remained impassive and unmoving. “He breaks her heart and <em>he </em>needs <em>space</em>?” She made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat and tried to move again, but his hold was like steel around her wrists. </p><p>“If you push him now, Aelin, he will never come back,” Rowan told her, something like grief flashing over his face before he schooled his expression. “What’s more important right now? Beating him up in front of his five-year old or taking care of Elide?” Aelin rolled her eyes and looked to the side, but Rowan wasn’t having it. He switched her wrists to one hand and gripped her chin in the other, making her meet his eyes. “Huh?” </p><p>“Yeah, fine, whatever,” she muttered, yanking her wrists away and glaring at him as she snatched the takeout bag and utensils. “Did you get drinks?” </p><p>He scoffed and nodded, “‘Course I did.” Rowan gave a pointed look to the other bag on the counter and she opened it, smiling excitedly at what she found. “Well, I guess I should get going then.” </p><p>Aelin nodded and pouted, walking over to him and leaning up to kiss him gently, “I think we can make up for no-pants night with no clothes night.” Without another word, she pranced away, waving her fingers before she shut the door. </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan unlocked his front door and put Kohana down, trying to keep himself together as his son sat on their bench and he kneeled to help him take off his boots. </p><p>
  <em>“Daddy?” </em>
</p><p><em>“Yeah, kid?”</em> he asked absentmindedly, harebrained as he toed off his own shoes and hung up his jacket. </p><p><em>“Where did Ellie go? She was ‘posed to tell me a story,”</em> he said in his little voice, kicking out his feet and scrunching his brow. </p><p>Lorcan stuttered in his movements, his heart dropping as he floundered for words. <em>“Um, she- I don’t-” </em>he breathed out heavily and crouched down in front of his kid, trying not to let his grief show. <em>“Ellie had to go home, coconut.”</em> Kohana giggled at the nickname. <em>“And… I don’t think we’ll be seeing her for a bit, ok?” </em></p><p><em>“Why not, Daddy?”</em> His brow scrunched in confusion. </p><p><em>“She needs a little space right now and that means she won’t be at home with us,”</em> Lorcan said, trying to keep his voice clear and even.<em> “But, you’ll see her at school still.” </em></p><p><em>“Oh,”</em> Kohana said demurely, frowning slightly.<em> “Ok.” </em>Then, he hopped down and padded over to the couch, where Tigger was. The cat meowed and turned to glare at Lorcan as Kohana crawled onto the chair. Tigger coiled in his lap and flicked his fluffy tail over Kohana’s cast, batting at it experimentally. Deeming it to not be a threat, Tigger settled down and turned his yellow eyes on Lorcan, no doubt plotting his demise. Lorcan didn’t blame him. </p><p>
  <em>“You hungry, Ko?” </em>
</p><p><em>“Can I have chicky nuggies? Please,”</em> Kohana asked, cuddling his cat and gently petting him as Tigger purred. </p><p><em>“For sure, kid,”</em> Lorcan said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and navigating to his UberEats app, ordering the child some chicken nuggets and nothing for himself. After paying and getting the half-hour wait notification, Lorcan went to turn off his phone, but was stopped. </p><p>He stared at his home screen, at the picture of Elide, her nose scrunched as she tried to stop her smile. She was sipping iced coffee through a straw, as per usual, the sun hitting her eyes just right that they looked like pools of dark honey. Gods, she was beautiful. And he had ruined everything, utterly everything. </p><p>Kohana’s sweet voice called him back to the present and over to the couch, instructing him to put on <em>Space Jam</em>. </p><p>When his food arrived, Kohana was only able to eat a couple nuggets until he nodded off, half a nugget in his hand and the other in Tigger’s fur. Lorcan turned down the volume, unable to sit in the silence of his self-inflicted heart ache as he stared in the vague direction of the TV. </p><p>It was just like him, ruining something before it got good. And Elide? She was better than good. </p><p>She was everything.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hm. well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lorcan was tinkering with an engine, only half-listening to whatever music Fenrys had chosen for the garage when Ansel rapped on his door, poking her head in. </p><p>“Hey, man, the kids are here,” she said, her grin falling off her lips as he nodded vaguely, hardly hearing her. “Lorcan. Lorcan. Lorcan. Lorcan. Lor–”</p><p>“Fucking hell, what do you want, Ans?” he snarled, irritation flashing in his eyes. </p><p>Ansel rose a manicured wine-red brow, glancing over her shoulder before she stepped in and closed the door, leaning back against it. “Excuse you?” He held her stare until he glanced away, shaking his head. “Really? You’re just gonna ignore me?” </p><p>Lorcan cocked his jaw and crossed his arms, decidedly staying silent. </p><p>Ansel sighed and swaggered over to the other stool, sitting down and kicking his foot with hers. “So, uh, Elide took the day off. Apparently she’s been calling in sick the entire week,” she commented, her face impassive as he snapped his head up and breathed in sharply. </p><p>Then, Lorcan shrugged and sniffed, looking down at his hands, “Guess she isn’t feeling well.” </p><p>“Stop it,” Ansel hissed at him, her eyes narrowing, “I went to Aelin’s. I saw her, Lorcan.” </p><p>“Aelin’s?” Lorcan didn’t know that. He didn’t know she was staying with her sister. Rowan hadn’t told him that. </p><p>“Mm-hmm.” </p><p>“Well…” he trailed, unable to figure out what to say. </p><p>“What happened?” </p><p>He shrugged again and muttered something unintelligible, picking at his nails. “We’re just taking a couple weeks, you know. No biggie.” </p><p>“You’re a terrible liar, Lorcan,” Ansel told him, her voice hard. She opened her mouth to say something when the door was slammed open and two ankle biters raced in, yelling at their parents. </p><p>Esther was chattering, as usual, in her mother’s native tongue as Ansel scooped her up and smiled down at her. “<em>J’ai fait un dessin d’un ourson et son maman sur son plâtre.</em>” She pointed over to Kohana’s cast where there was indeed a drawing of a bear cub and its mother. </p><p>“<em>Bien fait, ma chère,</em>” Ansel murmured, brushing back her daughter’s hair and kissing her head as she glared daggers at Lorcan. </p><p>Lorcan rolled his eyes and smiled softly at Kohana, accepting the hug his son offered him. “Hey, kid.” </p><p>“Hi, Dad,” Kohana said, climbing onto his father’s lap and cuddling into his chest. “When do we get to go home?” </p><p>“Soon,” Lorcan promised him, the two of them saying good-bye to Ansel and Esther when they walked out. Kohana stepped down onto the floor, running his hand over his cast. </p><p>“<em>Dad?</em>” </p><p>“<em>Mm-hmm?</em>” Kohana didn’t answer and Lorcan looked up, his eyebrow arched. “<em>K-Man?</em>” </p><p>“<em>…does Ellie need space from me at school, too?</em>” </p><p>“<em>What? No, not at all,</em>” Lorcan said, his heart clenching. “<em>She doesn’t need space from you, she needs space from me. None of it is because of you, ok?</em>” Kohana looked up at him, his eyes big and filled with tears as he sniffled. “<em>Oh, kid, c’mere.</em>” Kohana launched himself into Lorcan’s arms, crying into his shirt. </p><p>“<em>I miss Ellie,</em>” Ko cried, burying his face in his father’s chest. “<em>I didn’t want her to go.</em>” </p><p>All Lorcan could do was hold his son close and kiss the top of his head, whispering soothing words of comfort as he silently cursed himself and all he stood for. </p><p> </p><p>The rain was coming down heavy as Lorcan slammed his car door shut and jogged around to open up Ko’s. “<em>C’mon, man, we gotta go.</em>” </p><p>“<em>I’m comin’, Dad,</em>” Kohana grumbled, not at all pleased with what they were doing, but they needed groceries and he couldn’t be left at home. The little one refused to move after Lorcan undid his seatbelt, so Lorcan picked him up and walked quickly over to the grocery store. </p><p>“<em>Ko, stay here,</em>” Lorcan said as he put him down, “<em>I’m gonna grab a cart, alright?</em>” </p><p>Kohana didn’t say a word and wandered a couple steps inside the store, pushing his hood back and pulling his braid out. He became fascinated by the way his frog gumboots squeaked on the linoleum and started walking around, staring intensely down at the sound, a happy little grin on his round little face. </p><p>He pattered around in a circle, twisting his feet and giggling gleefully at the resulting sound. He bumped into someone’s legs and reached up, grabbing two of their fingers and staying in place as he moved his boots back and forth. “Dad, look, look at my bo–” </p><p>It was at that moment Kohana looked up and gasped, his heart dropping when he realized the person he’d been talking to and whose hand he’d been holding onto was not his father. </p><p>“Ko?” </p><p>Kohana worriedly turned around and ran back to Lorcan, too upset to feel any sort of joy at the squeaking sound of his boots. “<em>Até,</em>” he cried, ducking behind his father and hiding as he gripped Lorcan’s painter pants tightly with his unbroken arm. </p><p>Lorcan chuckled and looked down at him, fondly stroking his hand over Ko’s head. “<em>Prince, what happened?</em>” </p><p>Kohana just shook his head and carefully peeked out at the stranger before hurriedly looking away again. Lorcan laughed quietly again and picked him up, turning to the other man as his son buried his face in his shoulder, his round cheeks fiercely aflame. “Sorry ‘bout that, man, he’s a little shy sometimes, ain’t that right, K-Man?” </p><p>Again, Kohana didn’t answer and the two adults chuckled. The other man said something and departed, continuing on with his shopping as Lorcan looked at Kohana whilst he lifted his head. “<em>I thought he was you, Daddy. I didn’t mean to</em>.” </p><p>Lorcan smiled softly, his eyes turning gentle as he put Kohana in the cart, “<em>I know, baby. It’s ok, you’re ok, yeah?</em>” </p><p>“<em>Yeah… I’m ok,</em>” Ko whispered, smiling shyly, his cheeks still tinged pink. “<em>I’m very ok, Dad.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Elide ran through the rain to the grocery store, leaving Aelin in the car to wait. Since they only needed a couple things, it was a one-person job and Elide had lost rock-paper-scissors once again. </p><p>She shook off her hoodie hood, regretting wearing her cotton sweater in the rain. Elide grabbed herself a basket and walked quickly into the store, just wanting to rush home and make dinner with her sister. </p><p>Elide idly perused the aisles, pulling things into her basket and tapping against the handles a random beat, humming low under her breath. Her eyes got caught on the brand of tea she had at home and she almost fell, tripping over her feet. </p><p>Home. It didn’t feel the same anymore, not without him. That was why she’d been staying with Aelin for the past five days. Maybe she was kidding herself by saying that she was just taking time to heal and maybe she was being a coward, but… she just couldn’t care right now. </p><p>It was nice to be with her sister, even if she did feel a little bit bad for kicking Rowan out.</p><p>Elide just shook her head to dispel her thoughts as she blinked her tears away and hurriedly exited the aisle, not seeing where she was going as she crashed into somebody’s cart and floundered to keep from falling when whoever it was wrapped their hands around her biceps and righted her. </p><p>Her cheeks were aflame as she stepped away, “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and it’s–” her words fell away when she looked up, seeing Kohana sitting in the cart and Lorcan, half a foot away from her. </p><p>Immediately, tears sprung in her eyes and her throat ached. Damn it, she did not want to cry in her local grocery store. Elide backed away further, protectively shielding her basket, though she didn’t know why. </p><p>“Ellie! Hi-hi!” </p><p>“Hey, Kohana,” she breathed, her voice wavering. While she addressed Kohana, she looked at his father, biting the inside of her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. She was not going to cry today. At least, she wasn’t going to cry in the store. Once she was in the car or even outside the store, all bets were off. </p><p>Lorcan bent down and that was when Elide noticed that most of her groceries had fallen to the linoleum floors. He passed her a can of coconut milk and she nearly dropped it again when their fingers brushed and she snatched her hand away, looking at him like he had burned her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she spoke first.</p><p>“I ca- I can’t- I have to go,” she whispered, waving an unenthusiastic farewell to Kohana as she hurried off, already feeling a tear slip free. Elide rushed through the self-checkout, her head ducked down as more hot tears blurred her vision. </p><p>She hastily paid and didn’t even wait for the machine to spit out her receipt before she ran out to the car, crying as she threw herself into the passenger seat. </p><p>Aelin stared at her with wide eyes as she blubbered and weeped, gesturing vaguely to the store and then to the bag. The blonde just sighed softly and pulled Elide in for a hug over the centre console. “Let’s go home, babes. I’ll cook!” </p><p>That had Elide laughing, albeit tearfully as she sniffled and wiped her eyes, “That’s really sweet of you, but I’d rather see Lorcan than eat your food.” </p><p>“Well, now, that’s just rude.” </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan slowly closed the door, smiling as Kohana sighed sleepily and cuddled onto his side, hugging his stuffed hippo tightly. Tigger stood watch at the end of his bed, his yellow eyes glowing bright. Fuck, that cat creeped him out. </p><p>He carefully walked downstairs, trying to not let them creak too much. Then, he walked over to the TV cabinet, rifling through the shelf until he located the baby videos of Ko. He popped one of them into the DVD player, standing and crossing over to the couch. He sat down heavily, nervously bouncing his knee up and down. </p><p>With the remote, he pressed play and tossed it to the cushion beside him, running a ragged hand down his face, reaching his other hand up to finger the ring hanging from the chain around his neck. </p><p>His eyes were already burning with tears as the video started. The footage, slightly grainy, was of Essar, rocking a little bundle to and fro as she sang a gentle, seaside melody from her childhood. Her tattooed lips pulled into the happiest grin he’d ever seen as two little hands reached up, patting the ink on her chin and batting the air as the bundle gurgled. </p><p>Then, Essar looked up at the camera, rolling her eyes playfully, “<em>Are you seriously filming right now?</em>” </p><p>Lorcan heard himself laugh and then his younger self appeared in the frame, walking over to the two of them and peering down at the very precious cargo Essar carried. “<em>I like it when you sing, Ess. Prettiest voice in the whole dang world.</em>” </p><p>A soft blush pinked her cheeks and she smiled up at him, laughing when Kohana demanded their attention by waving his fists aggressively. Lorcan laughed as well and pulled the top of the blanket down. “<em>Hey, kid. You’re pretty cute, you know that?</em>” He sat down on the edge of their bed and pulled Essar down onto his thigh, resting his chin on her shoulder and twining his arms around her waist. “<em>You just might be the cutest kid in the world. You wanna know why?</em>” </p><p>Essar answered for their son, leaning back against him as Kohana wrapped his hand around Lorcan’s finger. “<em>Why, o husband of mine?</em>” </p><p>“<em>‘Cause his momma is the most gorgeous girl around and his pops?</em>” Essar turned to look at him, a fake warning in her eyes. “<em>He’s the luckiest man alive.</em>” </p><p>Essar smiled and he pressed a chaste kiss to the skin beneath her jaw. “<em>I love you so fuckin’ much, Essar.</em>” </p><p>“<em>Language,</em>” she chided him, resting her head on his shoulder and gazing down at their child. “<em>I love you too, Lorcan. So fuckin’ much.</em>” </p><p>Lorcan faked an offended gasp and delicately covered Kohana’s ears, “<em>Ms. Tangaroa-Salvaterre! There is a child, an infant in your presence. I am going to have to ask you to</em>,” he dropped his voice into a low hiss, <em>“watch your language, ma’am.</em>” </p><p>“<em>Oh, shut it,</em>” Essar said, smacking his tattooed chest as an upright, grey tail came swishing into view. She saw what her cat was going to do and cried out, “<em>Tigger, no!</em>” just as Tigger, that blasted creature sent from hell, knocked over the camera. </p><p>The screen went black, but Lorcan heard himself sigh and mutter, “<em>I hate that gods-damned cat.</em>” </p><p>Tears were rolling down his cheeks and his breathing was ragged as he pressed his hand against his chest, trying to push his heart back together. He wanted to yell, to scream at his wife, demanding why she had left him, why she hadn’t stayed. </p><p>Logically, he understood Essar had no choice in the matter and the last thing she had ever wanted to do was leave him, leave their little coconut. But still, he couldn’t help but feel cheated, feel like she’d abandoned him. </p><p>The screen went from black to white, then Essar’s giddy face as she toggled with the brightness. Her hair was falling around her face and she pushed it back with her free hand as she held the camera facing towards her and she walked through their shitty little apartment. </p><p>Her eyes looked at something behind the camera, her eyes bright as she pushed open a door and creeped in, biting her tattooed lip before she turned the camera to show what she was so amused by. </p><p>It was him, dead asleep and sprawled across their bed on his back, but cradled on his chest was Kohana. He was so itty bitty compared to Lorcan as they snoozed. </p><p>Real-time Lorcan smiled through his silent tears as baby Ko stretched out, his little fists stretching all the way up before he settled back down. “<em>It’s kinda creepy of you to stand there and film us, Ess,</em>” Lorcan commented without opening his eyes, rubbing Kohana’s back when he squirmed and whimpered, kicking his footie-pajama feet out. </p><p>“<em>It’s noon, babe, why are you asleep?</em>” </p><p><em>“Well, you were studying all night and I had the distinct pleasure of soothing your screaming son back to sleep four times,</em>” he said, utter exhaustion in his voice. He held out his hand for her and Essar put the camera down, not bothering to stop recording as she pranced over to the mattress and eased down beside them both, curling into Lorcan’s side. </p><p>“<em>Why is he <b>my </b>son when he does the things you don’t like,</em>” she muttered, resting her hand on the back of Kohana’s head, softly rubbing her thumb over his soft hair. “<em>He’s half you, you know.</em>” </p><p>“<em>Oh, don’t fret, my darling, I know. Never forgot it,</em>” he whispered. “<em>You gave me my dream.</em>” </p><p>“<em>Your dream?</em>” </p><p>“<em>Mm-hmm,</em>” Lorcan hummed, not once opening his eyes. “<em>You and Ko - that’s all I need.</em>” </p><p>The video faded out and he supposed the next one began, and the one after that, because the next thing he saw was the TV shutting itself off. Then, he heard two little feet padding down the stairs, the sound of soft paws accompanying them. </p><p>“<em>Até?</em>” </p><p>Lorcan looked over his shoulder at Kohana, who was half-hiding behind the staircase banister. Tigger stood, ever watchful, on the step below him, his head poking through two balusters. </p><p>“<em>Até, can I come down, please?</em>” </p><p>He nodded and wiped his cheeks, “<em>Always, coconut.</em>” Kohana smiled and hurried down the stairs, racing over to him. He sat on the cushion beside Lorcan, dragging Tigger up into his lap. </p><p>Kohana’s eyes went wide as the moonlight cutting through their windows made the tear tracks on Lorcan’s face shine silver. “<em>Are you crying?</em>” </p><p>“<em>Mm-hmm.</em>” </p><p>“<em>Why?</em>” </p><p>“<em>Remember last week, when you hurt your arm and we were at the hospital?</em>” </p><p>Kohana nodded vigorously, gesturing to upstairs, “<em>Yeah! I got a stuffy and some candies. My stuffy was a bear, but the one I got for Essie was a shark ‘cause she likes sharks.</em>” He became quiet and still as Tigger slinked out from his hold. Slowly, Kohana shifted so he had his head against the cat’s side. “<em>But… Ellie left. She didn’t say bye-bye to me.</em>” </p><p>Lorcan sighed heavily, picking at the skin around his thumb. “<em>Well… yeah. I know. That’s ‘cause I said some mean things to Ellie and she needed a break.</em>” </p><p>“<em>Why did you say mean things?</em>”</p><p>He exhaled slowly and looked at Kohana’s cast, covered in idle doodles, no doubt Esther or Fenrys’ handiwork. Ko wouldn’t let anyone else get close to him like that and the others claimed they were above such silliness. “<em>I was scared, prince, and sometimes, when we’re scared, we say mean things. I told her she did something wrong.</em>”</p><p>“<em>But Ellie didn’t do something wrong,</em>” Kohana said quietly, cuddling into Lorcan’s side. </p><p>Lorcan hugged his son, “<em>I know that. Now. But I didn’t know that earlier.</em>”</p><p>Kohana hummed and they sat in silence for a bit until he spoke up again, “<em>Did you say sorry? I think you should say sorry.</em>” </p><p>Huffing a laugh, Lorcan looked down at his kid’s head, brushing back his wild hair. “<em>Maybe I’ll try that, kid.</em>” Kohana nodded, as if he had solved all the problems and like adults were so stupid sometimes. “<em>When’d you get so wise, K-Man?</em>” </p><p>“<em>I’m in school now. Big boy means big brain.</em>” </p><p>Well, that pretty much said it all, he supposed. </p><p> </p><p>When Lorcan walked into work the next day, Malakai gave him a weird look from behind the front desk. “Why’re you here?” </p><p>“Um… I work here? I think you’re getting a lil old, pops.” </p><p>Malakai glared and stood up, walking over to him, “I know you work here, boyo. Rowan and Fenrys told me you were taking the day off.” </p><p>Lorcan scrunched his brow in confusion, tilting his head to the side. He opened his mouth to reply just as someone tapped his shoulder and he turned around to see Rowan standing there, an unimpressed look on his face. “You ready?” </p><p>“For what? The fuck is happening, man?” </p><p>“Get in the car,” was all Rowan said, jerking his thumb to his car waiting by the curb. </p><p>Lorcan could see he didn’t exactly have a choice and sighed as they walked over and got in. Rowan didn’t say a word as he turned on the ignition and pulled away from the curb, driving down the street. “Really? You’re not gonna tell me where we’re going?” </p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>He clenched his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring out the windshield as they continued on. Neither said a word. </p><p>It was only a couple minutes later that Rowan parked in front of the boxing gym they frequented and told Lorcan to get out and get his bag from the trunk. </p><p>“What bag?” </p><p>“Just get it.” </p><p><em>Murder is bad, you can’t see your kid in prison, murder is bad, you can’t see your kid in prison, murder is bad, </em>he recited silently as he popped the trunk and pulled out his gym bag, not even going to ask how Rowan got it. </p><p>They signed in and went into the changing rooms, efficiently getting dressed and heading out into the gym. </p><p>Lorcan put up his hair as Rowan signed out a ring for them and then they both wrapped their hands. Rowan still hadn’t told him what they were doing. </p><p>His green-eyed brother was already waiting as Lorcan ducked under the ropes, bouncing on his toes. “So, you finally gonna tell me what we’re doing?” </p><p>“You haven’t seen Elide in… what, a week now? You need to fight, ‘cause I know you aren’t gonna talk,” Rowan said, holding up his fists and nodding at Lorcan to do the same. </p><p>He did and they bumped their knuckles before assuming their positions. </p><p>The brothers exchanged a few casual shots, easy ones to get them warmed up. Then, Rowan nailed in him the ribs with a wicked left hook and Lorcan hissed through the pain, glaring at Rowan. “Man, the fuck?” </p><p>Rowan just glared back and upped his game, raining quick and hard shots down upon him. Usually, Lorcan would’ve blocked them effortlessly and returned with his own, but he just couldn’t keep up. Eventually, after Rowan hit the same spot on his ribs, Lorcan flipped, shoving him back, “Fucking stop, Ro! Just stop.” He shook his head and looked down as he started unwrapping his hands, but they just got tangled up in his distress and he swore low. “Fuck this.” </p><p>He finally got it and threw them to the ground, dragging his hands through his hair. “I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I?” </p><p>“Yeah. You did,” Rowan said, pushing him out of the ring and to the nearest bench. </p><p>Lorcan braced his forearms against his thighs and dropped his head, “It was going perfect, alright? And then I just… I pushed her out.” He sniffed and bounced his knee up and down, unable to stop it. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”</p><p>Rowan scoffed, “Nothing’s wrong with you, it’s just your stupid brain being a dick. You got scared, man.” He slung his arm around Lorcan’s neck, pulling the dark haired man into his side and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “But this radio silence or whatever the fuck y’all are doing isn’t helping. You need to call her, L.”</p><p>Lorcan stayed silent and Rowan went on to add, “If you give her up, if you won’t even make an effort to keep her, then you’ll hate yourself for the rest of your life, man. I have, not once in the past four years, seen you smile like you smile around Elide.” Lorcan glanced at Rowan, obsidian eyes meeting ones of pine. “She isn’t gonna wait around for you to get your shit together. So either fix shit with her, or let her go. But you can’t keep dragging her along and acting like you guys are just done after a fight.” </p><p>“Ok, it wasn’t a fight, I said some–” </p><p>“I know what you said and I’ve had to physically restrain my girlfriend from jumping you, so call your girl. Say you’re sorry. Tell her you love her. Just stop being a little bitch boy.” </p><p>“Fuck you.” </p><p>“Fuck you.” </p><p>“No, <em>I </em>said fuck you.” </p><p>“No, <em>I </em>said fuck you.” </p><p>“Stop copying me.” </p><p>“Stop copying me.” </p><p>“I’m gonna fucking stab you in your sleep.” </p><p>“<em>I’m </em>gonna fucking stab you in your sleep.” </p><p>“Stop it.” </p><p>“Stop it.” </p><p>“You’re a fucking child, Rowan.” </p><p> </p><p>Lorcan said a quick good-bye to Kohana and Rowan, who had decided it was time for Ko to have another sleepover with his favourite uncle. The kid was beyond excited, his body practically buzzing in the backseat of Rowan’s car. </p><p>Walking back inside, Lorcan shut the door and moved to the kitchen, taking a seat at the island. He took his phone out of his pocket and tossed it on the island top, unlocking it and clicking on the phone app. </p><p>He stared at Elide’s contact for a long, long time before pressing on her number. Lorcan’s heart was in his throat as he held it to his ear and bit his thumbnail, hearing it ring three times. </p><p>“<em>Hello?</em>” </p><p>“Hey. It’s… me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“No, come on, Ae, please stop,” Elide said, “it’s been a week. I need to go home.” </p><p>“But,” the blonde protested, looking around desperately until she huffed a breath and pouted, “you’re my baby sister. I gotta protect you.” </p><p>“I know that,” Elide said, pulling her sister in for a tight tight hug, “and I love you for it. So much, girl. But I can take care of myself.” </p><p>Aelin huffed again, rolling her eyes when they broke apart, “Ok. If you want me to come over, just call, ok?” </p><p>“Ok, mama,” Elide whispered, kissing the back of Aelin’s hand. “I love you.” </p><p>“Love you too, baby,” Aelin whispered back, waving at her as she walked down the hall. </p><p>The elevator was empty as she rode it down to the garage and no one was there either, though she saw row upon row of cars while walking to her spot. Mere steps from her driver’s door, her phone rang, deep in her pocket, and Elide shifted her bags to one arm as she dug into her pocket and hastily grabbed it. </p><p>She didn’t look at the caller ID as she picked the call up and pressed it against her ear, breathlessly replying, “Hello?” </p><p>There was a pause. And then, <em>“Hey… it’s me.” </em></p><p>She froze, her blood running cold at the familiar voice. She stayed silent, not knowing what to say or how to say it. She hadn’t heard his voice in a week. He sounded as bad as she undoubtedly did, his voice hoarse and rough as he rasped into the receiver,<em> “E, please. Please just say something. Tell me you’re still there.” </em></p><p>Elide’s chest ached with suppressed tears and she bit her lip to keep from crying. She wanted so badly to comfort him, because she loved him and he was in pain, but she was in pain too. She was hurting more than him. “I’m here.” </p><p><em>“Thank the gods,” </em>he muttered, sniffling once, <em>“I want to fix this, E. Please, just give me a chance.”</em> He fell silent and neither spoke as he waited for her response. When she didn’t answer, he continued,<em> “I know I don’t deserve it at all, I know that, but…” </em></p><p>Despite knowing it might make her hate herself for it later, Elide found herself telling him to meet her at her place in an hour. Then, she got in her car and tried not to cry as she drove home. </p><p> </p><p>When she got back to her apartment, Elide dumped her clothes from Aelin’s in her laundry basket and swept her hair up in a messy bun before she took a quick shower, the hot water helping ease the tension in her body. </p><p>After, she put on a pair of old sweats and the fluffiest fleece hoodie - complete with bear ears. Elide leaned back against her kitchen table and waited anxiously for the knock that came exactly an hour after their call. “It’s open,” she called out, worrying her bottom lip as the door opened and Lorcan walked in, closing it behind him and resting against it. </p><p>Elide ran a cursory glance over him, her breath hitching at the stubble where he would normally shave clean, the slump of his shoulders. He kept his gaze on the floor and didn’t dare take another step as he toed off his untied shoes, the same beat-up Converse he’d been wearing the night they’d met. </p><p>His hair was messy, like he’d ran his hands through it over and over. </p><p>Elide missed when she did that. </p><p>“E…” he started, finally lifting his head up to meet her cold stare with his hollow one, “I’m so sorry, baby.” </p><p>That quickly, the sadness and pain and heartbreak weighing her down turned into anger. She was so fucking pissed. He was such an asshole. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your ‘baby’.” </p><p>“I didn’t mean it,” he muttered and Elide could see that he was fighting his own anger. </p><p>Elide scoffed and shook her head in disbelief. “You’re a bad fucking liar, Lorcan.” </p><p>“I’m not lying,” Lorcan said, a dark storm in his eyes. </p><p>“Well, I don’t believe you. I gave you a chance to take it back, I <em>asked </em>you if you really meant it and you–” </p><p>“And I said I did,” he finished for her, stepping closer to the table. “I know what I said and I want to apologize.” </p><p>“I don’t want your apology,” Elide said, crossing her arms tightly. </p><p>“Then what do you want? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, anything,” he insisted, running his hand through his hair in a gesture of habit. Elide shook her head again, not answering, but he asked again, “El, just tell me what to do.” He wasn’t exactly an expert on apologies, he didn’t have that much practice with them. </p><p>“Give me my heart back!” she yelled, her voice breaking. “Give it back to me, you fucking asshole. I’ve never- no one has <em>ever </em>hurt me like that and it took you a week to get the balls to fucking call me!” </p><p>“Fucking hell, what do you want, Elide?” he shouted back, his voice raised. He tried not to, but Elide was the <em>only </em>person who could get under his skin just like that. “What do you want from me, huh?” </p><p>“I want you to get out of my house,” she said, raising her chin defiantly. “There’s nothing you can give me right now and you should leave–” </p><p>“I love you.” </p><p>She fell silent, looking at him with wide eyes. Elide uncrossed her arms, her hands shaking as she curled them into fists. Then, she looked down at her fluffy slippers, “I don’t believe you.” </p><p>“I love you.” </p><p>“I don’t believe you, Lorcan!” she cried, looking up to stop her tears. “How could I? You don’t trust me–” </p><p>“Yes, I do. I’m an asshole and I’m a prick and you can hate me for it, but I love you. And I trust you with my life. I don’t care if you never forgive me for this and I never get to call you mine again, I will let you go forever if that’s what you want,” he told her, desperate. “Elide Lochan, I love you.” </p><p>He was so close. She could just reach out and tug him to her. Something sparked in her blood and she tilted her head back, cocking her jaw, “I. Don’t. Believe. You.” </p><p>Lorcan’s lips parted and he stared at her, dragging his eyes up and down her. His breathing turned ragged as he stepped closer, cornering her against her table. Elide kept his heavy stare, not backing down as he cupped her face and leaned down to kiss her. But Elide turned her face at the last second and Lorcan just chuckled darkly, kissing her cheek sweetly before he pressed hot, biting kisses to her jaw, then continuing on down the elegant column of her throat to the place that drove her crazy. </p><p>Elide breathed in shakily and she gripped the front of his sweater, tipping her head back to give him further access. Lorcan chuckled again and the rough sound had her toes curling up as her clutch on his top tightened. </p><p>He sucked a bruise into her pale skin, pulling back and stroking his thumb over the purple mark, smiling cockily. Elide glared at the smile and decided he shouldn’t be smiling while groveling, so she gripped his collar and yanked him down, “Stop smiling.” </p><p>Lorcan didn’t listen as he cupped her face once more and slanted his mouth over hers, kissing her slow and languid, as if they had all the time in the world. And by the gods, he hoped they did. </p><p>She gasped and Lorcan snaked his tongue into her mouth, kissing her dizzy. </p><p>His back was strained from bending down so he slowly dragged his hands down her sides, sliding them down to her ass and gripping the soft flesh in that way that she was weak for - rough and if a little possessive. Elide moaned like he knew she would and wrapped her arms around his neck, toying with the soft strands at the base of his skull. </p><p>He groaned at the feeling of her long nails scraping over his scalp and picked her up, making her wrap her legs around his waist before he dropped her onto the table. </p><p>Shit, that was a good kiss and her brain was fuzzy. Lorcan pulled back, his eyes darker than she’d ever seen them and his lips kiss-swollen. Elide just shook her head, swallowing before rasping, “Not good enough.” </p><p>Lorcan grinned wickedly - he was having way too much fun with his reckoning - and reached behind his head, pulling his crewneck sweater off with one hand, flinging it behind her onto the floor. Elide grinned as well and leaned forward, licking up his sternum, her teeth kissing against his skin as she whispered, “Better. But I’m still pissed.” </p><p>“Let’s see what I can do about that,” he purred, voice dripping with sin. Lorcan tipped back her chin and kissed her one last time before pulling away, ignoring her whine. </p><p>Elide’s frown melted away as he dropped to his knees and tugged her to the edge of the table. Her heart stuttered in her chest and she knew by the end of the night, all would be forgiven and she would tell him she loved him too because she did. More than anything, anyone. Still, she would torture him by making him wait, just a little bit more. </p><p>The feeling of him tugging her sweats down her legs had her coming back to the present. She watched as Lorcan looked up at her through his lashes, grinning as she let out a shaky breath. Then, he looked between her legs, his mouth dropping open as he realized she wasn’t wearing underwear. “Fuck,” he said, throwing her sweats away. “Is this all for me?” </p><p>“Yes,” Elide whispered, her eyes closing as his hands traced pretty designs up her calves, “it’s all for you.” </p><p>Lorcan pulled her legs apart, spreading them as far as they went. His exhales fanned over her burning core and Elide slid her hands into his hair, falling down onto her back as he started to press hot and wet kisses to the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. </p><p>She let out a breathy moan as his lips parted and she felt his tongue trace over her skin, tracing over her tattoos and moon-pale skin. Deciding she’d had enough teasing, Elide tugged on his hair sharply enough that he winced and went where she pulled him to. </p><p>“Lorcan,” she whined, arching her back when he pressed a too-soft kiss over her glistening slit, her sex pretty and pink and practically gushing. </p><p>He chuckled, the grating sound sending vibrations through her centre. “What is it?” </p><p>“Just give me what I want,” she begged him, her nails digging into his head. “I want to come, fuck, I need to.” </p><p>Lorcan just hummed and turned his head, pressing his lips against the soft skin of her inner thigh until she was gasping delicately and tugging on his hair as her toes curled. “Tell me what you want, my love.” He licked a path right up to her core, only to back away at the first touch. Elide let out a half-sob, too turned on to be embarrassed with how her liquid arousal was dripping from her. “Tell me how you want it.” </p><p>“I want– <em>Anneith above,”</em> Lorcan swallowed his laughter at the words that spilled from her throat when he bit the tendon between her thigh and pelvis. She was shaking, straining, aching for him and Lorcan smiled to himself, licking slowly over the bite mark before he switched to her other leg, his hands holding her legs apart, but even still, they fought to close around his head and never let go. </p><p>Soon, Elide was begging, pleading with him in a soft, breathy voice, “Baby, please… oh my gods, please, please, I just… I want you, Lorcan, I want you.” When he finally put his mouth on her, Elide nearly cried in relief, his tongue splitting her folds in broad sweeps.</p><p>She convulsed at the feeling of his tongue dipping as far as it could reach inside of her and sliding against her walls. </p><p>Elide cried out when he flattened his tongue against her clit and let go of her thighs, coaxing her to wrap them around his head, keeping Lorcan exactly where she wanted him. </p><p>Pressure built under her skin as he worked her into a frenzy, banding an arm over her hips to keep them still as he curled two fingers into her and stroked over that one spot. Elide moaned, tightening her legs around his head. The combination of his tongue flicking over her button and his fingers pumping and scissoring inside her sent Elide into her climax, making her clench around him and roll her hips against his arm. </p><p>Her mind blanked and her body writhed, trembling as his actions didn’t stop until it was too much for her and Elide felt a tear slip free as she pushed him away. She felt, more than heard, him rise above her and lean down, his body slotted between her legs. </p><p>Eyes half-lidded and hazy, Elide reached out for him, diving her hand into his pants and wrapping her hand around his dick. </p><p>Lorcan groaned softly and instinctively rocked his hips into her hand, snapping his teeth at her low chuckle. </p><p>“So needy,” she commented, lazily stroking him as his cock grew in her hand and became slick with the beads of pre cum. With her other hand, she tilted his chin up, his jaw tight, her body caged in by his hands planted on the wooden surface on either side of her. </p><p>Another storm was raging in his eyes, one she would gladly lose her way in. He breathed heavily, trying to keep his control as she stared at him with that one look that he would wreck worlds for. </p><p>Lorcan’s eyes fluttered shut and he bit his lip, groaning softly, “Fucking hell, just- <em>Elide.”</em></p><p>“Mm-hmmmm?” she hummed, running her thumb over the head of his length and scraping her nails over the underside. </p><p>“I need to be inside you.” Elide just smiled coyly until he grabbed her face in one hand hard enough that her jaw might ache in the morning. Her cheeks squished together and her lips puckered out for him to kiss her possessively. He bit her bottom lip, not bothering to lick over the sting as he nearly growled, “Now, Elide.” </p><p>She whimpered softly and nodded, chasing his lips when he pulled back. Lorcan pulled her hand from his pants and then let her tug his jeans down just enough that his cock flipped out. Then, she guided him between her legs, using her fresh release to make him slick. </p><p>Elide pouted when he pulled her hand away from his length but he kissed it away as he slowly slid in. When he bottomed out, Elide whimpered, reaching for the hand on her hip and running hers up to his forearm, “Fuck, so fucking deep.” Her nails dug into his skin and Lorcan slid his other arm underneath her lower back, forcing an arch into her spine. She locked her legs around his waist as he started to thrust into her, watching her hoodie shift with her tits. </p><p>Elide seemed to notice where he was looking and pressed a hand into his chest, forcing him to stop his movements so she could pull it over her head and stretch out languidly, letting it dangle elegantly from her finger tips before dropping it and running her hands down her body. Biting back a groan, Lorcan watched as she cupped her own breasts and toyed with her nipples, all while smirking wickedly at him. </p><p>“Are we supposed to lay still the entire time, my darling,” she pondered in a sultry voice, gasping out a breath when Lorcan smirked right back and sheathed himself in her, keeping her tightly against his pelvis as he grinded his hips into hers. </p><p>“More,” she gasped, her face scrunching up as he slammed into her harder and deeper like she asked him to, completely filling her. “Just like that.” </p><p>“Just like that?” he drawled, leaning over her and trailing his lips over her throat. He moved up to her ear, grazing his teeth over her soft earlobe. Every touch, every brush of his body against hers sent lightning zapping under her skin. He slowed his pace, though his thrusts remained true and deep as she mewled and clawed at his back. Her nails dragged down his skin, almost drawing blood but not quite breaking the skin. </p><p>“Lor… I… oh,” Elide breathed, falling back down to the table as he pulled a hand away and guided her hand between them, pressing gently beneath her belly button. She moaned, her legs squeezing around him as Elide felt something twitch beneath her fingers. </p><p>Lorcan watched her eyes, watched them near roll back in her head beneath fluttering lids and murmured in her ear, gently taking her hand away and pressing her wrist into the wood beneath her. “Feel that?” </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” she moaned, crying out his name when he hit particularly deep. Elide could already feel her orgasm build, still sensitive from the previous one. </p><p>A broken moan tore from his throat when her already tight walls swelled around his cock, making pulling out of her an effort of control, like she was trying to pull him back in every time he drew back. She was like a vice around him, so tight and slick and hot. </p><p>Lorcan pulled back, standing up straight as Elide arched her body further, her head thrown back as she felt herself grow closer and closer. “Oh, come on, baby, just come. Come, you’re so close, I wanna feel it. You know how much I’ve missed you, tight around my dick and feeling good like that ‘cause of me?” </p><p>He gripped her hips tightly, pulling her down to meet his thrust and his breathing became laboured when he watched her body seize and shake beneath him, coming undone with the presence of him filling and surrounding her. </p><p>Elide yelled his name, her eyes screwed shut as white-hot pleasure raced through her veins and vaguely, through a shroud of bliss, she felt him come inside of her. Every inch of her body was tingling and sensitive. She managed to wrench her eyes open to see him bow his head, biting his lip as he groaned out her name, barely recognizable. He rocked into her, drawing out both of their pleasures until they both calmed. </p><p>Elide smiled softly as he remained inside of her and leaned down, gathering her up in his arms. Something inside her jellied when she felt his release drip down her thighs, leaking out from around him. She wrapped her arms around him, nearly draping herself over his shoulders and smiling when he bowed his head and kissed her chin, just barely missing her lips, “I missed you.” She missed him so much. </p><p>“I missed you too,” he whispered, kissing her cheek before he pulled out of her and stood upright, helping her up. Elide smiled again, absentmindedly running her hand through his hair as she looked off into the distance, eyes catching on a speck of dust in the moonlight. </p><p>Before she could discern what was happening, Lorcan scooped her up and walked over to her bed, putting her down and kissing her forehead, murmuring, “I’ll be right back, ok?” </p><p>She nodded sleepily and dozed off as he walked away, jolting slightly when the next thing she felt something damp and cold between her legs. Elide looked up from the pillow she was cuddling to find him cleaning her with a cloth. He gently wiped it over her sensitive skin and then tossed it into her laundry basket. Then, he pulled back her duvet and shifted her so that she was underneath it. </p><p>Elide reached out for Lorcan, grabbing at him until he slowly settled down beside her after he left his jeans in a rumpled pile on the floor. He smiled as she curled into his side, hitching her leg over his hip and slotting it between his. Elide hummed in question when he tipped her chin back. His eyes were wholly black as he murmured, “I love you.”</p><p>“Mmmm,” she replied, the blissful feeling of sex wearing off and the anger she felt returning slightly. She wasn’t sure if he’d apologized yet. </p><p>Lorcan ran his fingers up and down her spine, the motion soothing for the both of them as something in her kitchen caught his eye. Elide shifted to see what it was when he said, “Essar loved those mugs.” </p><p>She floundered for something to say, but her words were not needed as Lorcan opened his mouth and the entire tale spilled out. </p><p>He talked about <em>everything</em>. How he had met her, how they had gotten together, how they had gotten married a week after graduating high school. He talked to her about the pregnancy, about how Essar wanted to be a social worker and worked tirelessly to juggle growing a child in her body and her graduate degree. Lorcan talked about how the day Kohana had been born, he’d nearly missed it because of a traffic accident that blocked the roads. He told Elide about having a newborn and feeling like they were screwing him up almost everyday. Then… his voice grew saddened and she could hear his grief as he talked about Essar getting sick. </p><p>They had been told it was nothing and they were being hysterical, but then it got too late and the doctors blamed them for waiting this long. He hadn’t known how to tell them that they had been begging anyone to listen. </p><p>It had been too late for her and Essar passed, before Ko had even turned one. Lorcan admitted that he was terrified of forgetting his first love and replacing her. </p><p>Elide propped herself up, her forearms braced against his chest, stroking her thumb over his cheekbone. “I’m not Essar,” she told him, “and I’ll never replace her, but… you’re allowed to move on. From what you’ve told me, she would’ve wanted you to be happy.” Lorcan sighed softly and turned his face to kiss her palm. </p><p>“I am sorry,” he murmured, rubbing her back when Elide nestled against his chest, her ear above his steady heart beating. “I was angry at myself and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair ‘cause you did nothing wrong. My kid loves you and you’re amazing with him.” He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. “I love you.” </p><p>“So you’ve said,” Elide hummed, giggling slightly when he flipped them over and pressed her into the mattress, trailing his lips down her jaw and throat. </p><p>“And you have yet to give me your answer,” Lorcan said, pulling back just enough that she let out a displeased whine. “So what is it, Lochan?” </p><p>Elide shrugged and looped her arms over his shoulders, her hands toying in the air above his head, “Well, obviously, I love you.”</p><p>“Obviously? <em>Obviously</em>?” He ran his hand up her body, pinching her side. “You were kicking me out an hour ago!” </p><p>“Yeah, well, that’s ‘cause I was pissed, not ‘cause I didn’t love you,” she told him, as if it were simple. “You are a stupid, stupid man. I had to make you work a little bit.” Lorcan grumbled something and glowered down at her when she patted his cheek a little too hard. </p><p>Lorcan shook his head at her, a fond look in his eyes as a slow smile spread across his lips, “You are…” </p><p>“Ridiculous? Sneaky? Devious? Irritating? Impossible? Ooh, ooh! Infuriating?” Elide took his face into her small hands, smiling cheekily up at him. Her eyes softened when he turned his head to kiss her palm and turned to the other side to kiss her other palm. </p><p>“Gods above, woman, shut up,” he pleaded with her, kissing her as they both laughed. “No, you’re none of those things.” </p><p>“Then what am I?” </p><p>“Everything.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>we're almost done 🥺 wow</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Epilogue</h2></a>
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    <p>Two Years Later</p><p>All was quiet. Peaceful, warm. </p><p>And she couldn’t stop staring, down at the precious, precious bundle in her arms. A wee little baby who had only known the world for two short days and already yearned towards the sky, her chubby hands grasping at the strands of light that danced through the window. </p><p>Elide gently rocked the babe, humming an old Blackbeak folk tune her mother used to soothe her as a child. </p><p>Stella blinked her slender eyes - having inherited her mother’s monolid shape - up at Elide and cocked her head to the side, settling down as Elide continued her song. </p><p>“Oh, you like that one, do you?” Elide asked, smiling gently as she leaned down to kiss Stella’s brow. “You know, little one, my mama used to sing that to me when I was as itty bitty as <em>you</em>.” </p><p>She heard the door to her hospital room open and knew, by the sound of his Chucks scuffing across the floor, that it was her husband. Elide turned away from the window and smiled at Lorcan, whose face remained neutral, but he could never hide the look in his eyes from her. “Well, hi there.” </p><p>Elide smiled as he walked closer to her, “Hi to you, too.” </p><p>He turned his dark gaze from hers to the child in her arms and with a little maneuvering, Lorcan managed to get Elide back in the hospital bed and pluck his daughter from her. She gently eased back onto the mattress, hissing slightly at the discomfort, but the sight of Lorcan so enamoured by their daughter had any pain slip sliding away. </p><p>There was only one thing missing from this moment. “L, did you call Mia and Fen?” </p><p>“Yeah, they’re on their way. Should be here in–” he was interrupted by a knock on the door and smiled, “I guess now.” He crossed over to her and passed Stella back to her, leaning down once Elide was comfortably cradling the babe and pressing his lips to hers for a brief moment. </p><p>Lorcan opened the door and Elide craned to the side to see Nehemia and Kohana standing there. The seven-year old’s eyes found her and he pushed his father out of the way, racing over to her. “Hi, mom.” </p><p>Her heart clenched and it was hard to breathe every time he called her that, never mind that he’d been using it for a year now - ever since he’d let it slip one late night, barely awake as Elide put him to bed and dutifully let Tigger pass her to curl up in his human’s arms. </p><p>“Hi, baby,” she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek, still round and soft, “how was Mi-Mi and Fen’s?” </p><p>“Fine,” he said flippantly, all too distracted by Stella Luna. “Is that my sister?” </p><p>“It is indeed,” Elide replied, tilting the bundle so Ko could see her more clearly. </p><p>“She’s so little.” </p><p>“She’s a newborn, my love, that’s how big they are.” </p><p>“Oh. Isn’t it dangerous if they’re so tiny? They could get squished, I think,” he told her, finally looking up with his big brown eyes. </p><p>Lorcan laughed quietly as he shut the door and walked over to the bed, scooping their son up and carefully setting him down beside Elide. </p><p>Kohana instinctively nestled against her, looking down at Stella. “Hi, Stella Luna.” The baby silently opened her eyes, her brilliant amber gaze staring right back at her brother. “I’m Kohana, but you can call me Ko or something else. I’m your big brother, ok? So I’m gonna protect you. We’re Ozuye, we’re warriors, you know. I’ll be there for you until you’re big and strong and then I’ll still be there, ‘cause we’re gonna be really good friends.” </p><p>Stella gurgled quietly, still staring up at Ko like she knew what he was saying. “One day, I’m gonna teach you how to speak like us, but mom’s still learning and,” he dropped his voice to a quiet whisper, “she’s not very good yet.” </p><p>Elide chuckled tearfully and looked up at Lorcan, who was discreetly wiping his eyes. He winked at her and mouthed <em>Hormones</em>.</p><p>That had her rolling her eyes and turning back to their children just in time to see Kohana pull something out of his hoodie. “This is Robert. He’s a hippo-po, see? He’s my favourite stuffy and he makes me feel loads better when I’m sad, but since I’m a big kid now, you get him, ok?” </p><p>Stella looked at him seriously, as if she understood what Kohana was telling her and Elide didn’t doubt it for a second. Elide helped Ko open the swaddle slightly and put Robert down beside her. “There,” he said, leaning down to kiss Stella’s cheek. “He’ll take care of you.” </p><p>Elide smiled and leaned down, kissing the top of Kohana’s head, “Thank you, baby.” </p><p>“Mom, can I hold her?” Kohana asked, looking up at Elide, who nodded and helped him get situated, keeping her hands under Ko’s as Lorcan shifted the baby until Ko was holding her properly. </p><p>“You’re doing so good,” she whispered to Ko, who smiled happily and started speaking in Lorcan’s native tongue to Stella. </p><p>She only caught bits of it and her heart cracked in two when he said, <em>“I have a different mama than you, but we have the same mom. It doesn’t matter ‘cause I’m still your big brother, even if we don’t always look the same.” </em></p><p>Elide flicked her eyes to Lorcan, who was staring at their kids with an emotion she couldn’t name, but one she fully understood. He glanced up at her and reached out his hand, taking hers and squeezing once. <em>I love you</em>, he mouthed, something in his eyes flickering with joy when her smile echoed the statement. </p><p>They stayed in their little bubble, one perfect little moment, until someone knocked on the door and opened it. It was Yrene, “Hey, guys. I need to take Stella Luna for some tests, is that alright?” </p><p>Elide nodded, “Of course. Ko, sweetheart, can you say bye to Stella? She has to go for now.” </p><p>Kohana’s eyes widened into near perfect circles, “Go? Why? Why does she have to go? She just got here.” </p><p>Elide stifled her laugh and smiled, “The doctors need to make sure everything’s all good with her, alright?” </p><p>Yrene wore a warm smile as she walked in and carefully took Stella from Kohana, “Wow, you’re a great baby holder, Kohana.” </p><p>He wore a worried frown and held his hands out in case Yrene dropped Stella, “Be careful. She’s really little.” </p><p>“I will be. Do you want to come with me? You can make sure nobody hurts your sister.” </p><p>Kohana looked up at Lorcan and Elide for permission and they both nodded, letting him climb off the bed and take Yrene’s hand, walking out with her. After the door clicked shut, Elide patted the mattress beside her, “Come.” </p><p>Lorcan huffed a laugh and did as she said, stretching his legs out and sitting still as Elide shifted until she was happy, her leg half hitched over his hip and one arm stretched across his waist. Elide pressed her face into his side, sighing once and settling down to sleep. </p><p>She said something muffled and he didn’t quite catch it. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Lorcan murmured, “What was that, E?” </p><p>“I said, thank you,” she whispered, tilting her head back to look up at him. </p><p>“What for?” </p><p>“Everything.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i literally want to cry right now. i can't believe it's all over and you guys are the best - thank you so much for reading my dumb lil thing 😫 and loving it as much as i do 🥺 ill see you guys next time, ok? </p><p>love love love u beauties,<br/>isa 💛</p>
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